


Falling Petals Budding Love

by Tanagariel



Series: The Thorn that Hurts the Most [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, F/F, cophine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 83,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2080719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanagariel/pseuds/Tanagariel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima Niehaus moved to Minnesota after her entanglement with her Biology teacher Ms. Delphine Cormier went to hell. The heartbreak and the pain that the forbidden relationship brought left a deep scar in her heart, a thorn. The broken hearted girl focused solely on her studies and so the years flew by. Cosima Niehaus grew up, she shed the petals of her youth and now a woman she might be ready to start anew, to let love plant its seed inside of her broken heart again particularly when she meets the TA of her evolutionary and developmental biology class, Danielle Fournier.</p><p>Dr. Delphine Cormier became the wonder woman of the Dyad Institute, developing and leading various projects to fruition, however her past haunted her, the girl she loved the most always in the back of her mind; filled with regret and pain she immersed herself in her job. It is the news of a tragic death that brings her back to San Francisco, the city that saw the illicit affair between teacher and student born and die. Yet, when the person she respects and cares the most ends up in the same city as her, it was inevitable to meet. Delphine will uncover that the best friend life gave her, Danielle, is dating the love of her life, Cosima.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, the sequel to The Thorn that Hurts the Most is here, after a well deserved break here you have the second and final installment of the love story between Cosima and Delphine. I will try to provide a more satisfactory ending, maybe, I don't know anymore, Danielle has won over me so now I'm torn between two French women, just like Cos.  
> Thanks to my buddy quidpropunk.tumblr.com who beta'ed this fic.
> 
> And please, feel free to leave me any question/comment you may have, my inbox is open 24/7. I can't wait to hear from you friends.
> 
> xx

The flight from San Francisco, CA to Minneapolis, MN only took 3 hours. Cosima Niehaus arrived at her new place alone and completely heartbroken. The flat she was going to use as her home for the next couple of years was pretty cozy: just one bedroom, a small kitchen/living room and a bathroom. Nothing too fancy, but it was close to the campus, so she didn’t have any complaints.  
She was tired, not physically, but mentally. After the last couple of months, when everything had seemed like a fairy tale, these past few days were a living nightmare. How had this turned out so badly? Easy: falling in love and engaging in a romantic relationship with your Biology teacher was the answer. Cosima knew she had blown it; she took a bet on her love for Delphine Cormier and she lost. End of story. Now she had to pick up the pieces of her heart and try to pull it together, start over, and maybe heal again.  
She went to her bedroom, put her bags on top of the mattress and started to unpack; after all, she had to arrange her things and go to campus to make sure that the paperwork was received and everything was ready to conclude her application to college to start next semester.  
She started with her clothes; thank god her mother did her the favor of folding the clothing, or else her clothes would have arrived in a terrible state.  
She put them in her drawers and proceeded to unpack the rest of her belongings. She placed her laptop on the desk she had in front of the tiny kitchen; she connected all the cords she needed and checked for internet connection.

“Hell yeah, wifi, bitches!” Cosima was glad that she had access to all the commodities while she stayed in this place; at least the bargaining with Posh Spice went well on her side. God forbid Posh Spice discovered that all the info she gave her was a goose chase, all the names were of dead people. She was never going to find that punk.  
She immediately wrote an email to her mother to let her know that she was okay, and that she was already installed in her new place. She did a quick search to get used to the area where she was going to stay, and of course started to research the best places to get her stash of weed. The last stash she had was used with Helena in the hotel where she later banged Rachel Duncan. She definitely did a lot of stupid things in recent days.  
Cosima returned to her bedroom and took out the last things she brought from San Francisco: a couple of family pictures and books. She put those in the bookshelf she had near the entrance, and when she saw the last book in her bag her eyes got teary again. Endless Forms Most Beautiful, the only thing she kept from her relationship with Delphine. The book Delphine gave her in her birthday, right after they… “well, shit.” She had deleted every picture she had of them, all the texts and e-mails they exchanged; she erased her from her life, except that she couldn’t throw this book away, because Delphine was right, she liked it. And so she kept the book, the last symbol that served as a reminder of what she could never have with Delphine Cormier.

Once Cosima finished arranging all her things, she went out for a walk to clear her mind; she was still raw, her feelings for Delphine drowning her. She had fallen deep, and she was scared to be hurt like this again, if she ever found someone who could love someone as broken as her, that is. Only god knew how much she was hurting right now; the thorn that hurts the most, Delphine Cormier, was going to be stuck forever in her heart. She understood that, and she wasn’t going to fight it, she only had to accept that she was probably never going to love someone the way she loved that teacher, even knowing that she played with her. She was just a toy for that woman. Her words echoed in her mind, she had just told her she loved her and she replied, “I don’t”. Her words were a knife in her heart, “What did you expect? It was fun while it lasted, but let’s be real Cosima, it wasn’t going to work.” That finished her. A tear slid down her cheek and she removed it with the back of her hand. She seriously had to stop thinking about that woman, about how she destroyed her on the inside, and now she was empty. She finally reached campus after several minutes of walking and crossing streets and went to the admissions office. She waited for a while in the office until she was called. Cosima spoke with the woman in charge for several minutes until she handled all her papers.  
“Everything seems in order, Miss Niehaus, we will call you when all the paperwork is complete. But in the meantime I think it’s pretty safe to say: welcome to the University of Minnesota.” The woman offered a kind smile.  
“Cool, um, thank you.” Cosima shook the woman’s hand and walked back to her new home.  
Everything was going accordingly; if only she could rip her heart out to not feel like this, everything would be so much better.  
As Cosima walked back from campus to her flat, she put on her earbuds and turned on her iPod; she was letting the music fill her emptiness, and then Room for Happiness* started to play, and god how that song fit her life right now:  
Sometimes I wish I never felt, the influence of you  
Coz now I feel the disconnect, like an open wound  
Where you once were there is a space, that runs as deep as hell  
But every morning when I wake I tell myself  
Don’t be fooled by your emptiness, there’s so much more room for happiness  
Don’t be fooled by your emptiness, there’s so much more room for happiness  
Yeah yeah yeah…

“Yeah, right, room for happiness,” she said out loud, and when she turned around the corner Cosima bumped into another woman. “Shit, I’m sorry.” She quickly picked up the things that had fallen on the pavement: papers, a folder, and a smartphone, and gave them back without paying much attention to the other girl.  
“Non, my fault as well, je suis desolé. I was very distracted.” The brunette with curly hair said something, but Cosima couldn’t hear it very well because the volume was loud; however, she could have sworn she sounded like Delphine.  
“Sorry.” She nodded to whatever the woman was saying and moved on, this song was giving her so many feels, she needed a joint right now. However, she didn’t notice that the woman kept staring at her, wondering why there was a pretty girl with such sad eyes in the world and vowing that if she had someone like her, she would do everything in her power to make her smile.  
_______  
The travel to London took several hours, Delphine Cormier felt devastated but hopeful. She let go of her geek monkey so she could have the future she deserved. She really hoped Cosima could move on and be the successful girl she imagined. She had so much potential, that girl definitely was not like anybody else; however, she almost ruined everything for her. If that scandal between her and Cosima had reached the news, her career would be over now, and Cosima’s future ruined. If it wasn’t for the intervention of Rachel Duncan, who knows what else might have happened.  
As soon as they arrived, Daniel took them to Cambridge, where Rachel’s office and home were. Delphine couldn’t deny that she was also excited, that ambitious part of her, the scientist in her was craving to conclude this and start with her PhD; besides that, she had now the possibility to work with the Dyad Institute. She read as much as she could about Dyad, and all the research they were doing was incredible; they had the money and the tools to keep developing wonderful things; and that was something she dreamt of all her life.  
Once they reached Rachel’s workplace, Delphine followed the young business-woman into her office.  
“Well, Ms. Cormier, here we part. Daniel will take you to the University so you can get acquainted with the authorities. I know you will do just fine. The Dyad Institute can’t wait to welcome such a brilliant mind like yours, Ms. Cormier.” Rachel handed Delphine several documents.  
“Thank you, Rachel.” Delphine accepted the documents and put them in her handbag.  
“And don’t worry about Cosima, she is being monitored very closely. After all, the Dyad Institute recruits only the very best, which I don’t doubt she will be.” Rachel gave her a small smile and she nodded in response, yet that smile sent a tiny shiver down her spine.  
Does Rachel Duncan keep tabs on everybody? Delphine had to wonder about that. She followed Daniel, Rachel’s assistant, back to the parking lot, where Daniel instructed a man, probably a chauffeur of the company.  
“He will take you to campus, and then your flat, Ms. Cormier. Good luck.” Daniel excused himself and went back to the main building. The driver took all the baggage she had and put it inside the trunk of the black limousine, while Delphine sat inside the spacious car and waited. Once the man was done, he took his seat and they drove away.  
The campus was wonderful, and the faculty of medicine was equipped with the latest. She couldn’t believe that she was going to be here. Delphine spoke with the dean of the faculty and after he reviewed all the documents Rachel had given, he welcomed her and showed her around the place. Delphine was amazed; she just had to complete the credits she was missing and then she was going to be able to continue her PhD in this institution. The woman with dreams in her was fascinated, she was more than excited to start this adventure; nonetheless, the woman in her was going to suffer the absence of that girl.

The trip back to her new place was quick, which was good. Being this close to campus was advantageous.  
The driver took her baggage and led her to her apartment, and when they reached door B21 she opened the door with the key she was given. The driver left her bags and excused himself.  
Now that she was all alone she took the time to relax. She was so tired after this long trip, but there were so many things to do and so little time, particularly if she needed to be busy to avoid thinking about her, the beautiful dreadlocked girl she betrayed to keep her safe. Delphine unpacked most of her belongings, but she was too tired. Instead, she made a cup of tea and went to bed; however, she felt so cold without her, her Cosima. Cosima would have embraced her and kissed the crook of her neck until she was too tired and then fallen asleep over her bosom. She had no idea how she was going to move on without her, she loved her so much and yet, Rachel had been clear. Cosima’s parents would have sent her to jail, her future in immunology over. She sighed, this was not going to be easy at all, she needed to tell someone about this, to get out this pain, but who? Yes, she would listen to her, she always did; her best friend in the whole universe, the woman who grew up with her, who went to school and cheered her up when she was sad and vice versa, Danielle Fournier.

Delphine walked to her balcony and sat with her laptop. The night was cloudy, the stars couldn’t be seen, it was also a chilly night; it was pretty late in Cambridge, but she logged in to Skype to see if she would find Danielle online, she thought it was a good hour in the States. Delphine had told Danielle a bit about her romantic adventures; nonetheless, Danielle had no clue it was a girl, much less someone 7 years younger than her, someone who was her student; she only knew that Delphine was in love with this person of hers. They chatted when they could, since Danielle was in Paris at the time; however, she learned recently that Dani had a scholarship and moved to the USA. Now that she was In England, it was ironic how life pulled them apart; she needed her friend now more than ever, and distance and crappy time zones were ruining that. She typed into the chat room to see if she responded:  
Delphine Cormier: Hey Dani, je viens d’arriver en Angleterre.  
Dani Fournier: Del, je suis contente que vous êtes arrivée bien.  
Delphine Cormier: Je me sens si triste Danielle, je souhaite que vous étiez ici.  
Dani Fournier: merde Del, n'a que le cul te faire du mal?  
Delphine Cormier: lol, non, c'était moi.  
Dani Fournier: bien, je suis confuse Del qui est  
Delphine Cormier: ??  
Delphine waited for a couple of minutes, Danielle had disappeared from the chat, and now she felt her loneliness again, but the thing that bothered her the most was the silence in her apartment. Cosima lived with so much joy, she was the light in her life, and now that she was gone, she fell dull and the sadness was killing her.  
Dani Fournier: désolé pour le retard, je suis tombé une fille tout en marchant. Elle était triste aussi.  
Delphine Cormier: vraiment? Quoi qu'il en soit, je dois terminer le déballage. Skype demain?  
Dani Fournier: évidemment <3  
Delphine Cormier: xoxo  
She turned off her laptop and walked back inside her loft, this was going to take some time so she tried to finish unpacking and then hit the bed again. Cosima was in Minnesota, Cosima was sad, Cosima was alone. Cosima: that was all she had in her head. She wanted so badly to be with her; what if she took a plane to Minneapolis tomorrow morning and told her how sorry she was for hurting her? What if she told her that she had to lie to push her away, that she would fight the whole world so the two of them could be together? What if, what if, what if…  
“Merde!” There was no ‘what if,’ she had sold her soul to the devil, to Rachel Duncan. Cosima was never going to trust her again, that was a fact; she made sure to hurt her so badly that she was never going to forgive her. Splendid job, Delphine, she ruined any chance she had to be back with her. She had to let her go once and for all. Cosima was going to be so much better without her, that girl didn’t need someone as cowardly as her, Cosima deserved someone who loved her as much as she did; however, Delphine was selfish and she didn’t want to share her girl with anyone else, she wanted to believe that no one was going to love that girl as much as she did, and that was low and she knew it. Cosima really deserved true love, and Delphine had blown that the moment she crossed that sacred line between teacher and student, end of discussion.  
________  
Cosima exhaled the smoke of the joint she was lucky to buy from a student; she was much more relaxed now, and she was more than ready to move on with her life. She swore she was going to try hard, and in order to commit to this she said out loud:  
“Starting tomorrow I will shed this love, Delphine, like a rose that loses its petals because no one tended it, that’s what I’m going to do with this love. I will bury you in the depths of my heart, I will shut down these feelings I have for you and let the petals fall into oblivion until the only thing that remains are the thorns, reminding me of how much you hurt me, because that’s the only thing I want to remember, your betrayal and the pain you have inflicted upon me. I was so stupid for believing in you, but I will go on without you, I will be happy without you, Delphine. This, I swear.”

 

FALLING PETALS BUDDING LOVE, THERE’S STILL A THORN THAT HURTS THE MOST.


	2. Chapter 2

And with each passing year, a petal fell to the ground. The young girl with a broken heart moved on with her life, she grew up and turned into a young, beautiful woman, a brilliant woman who was on the verge of genius, someone filled with such joy for life but on the inside was lonely. Cosima Niehaus buried herself in her studies, and in the blink of an eye she graduated with honors majoring in Biology. Her social life was just for study purposes, she studied with her classmates and that was it, she even tried to go to some parties to try to have fun, but she was never in the mood. She just smoked weed and engaged in conversations with classmates; however, it was hard to be on par with her brilliant mind- no one ‘got’ her- instead she preferred to be alone most of the time.  
By the period Cosima was starting her master’s in molecular biology, Delphine had concluded her immunology doctorate program. Dr. Cormier was welcomed to the Dyad Institute, working side-by-side with Dr. Marion Bowles, developing new technologies and creating new protocols of research that made her one of the top scientists in the corporation. However, the French doctor avoided socializing outside work; she devoted herself to her work and to her friends; she kept in contact with Jennifer Fitzsimmons, the AP Government teacher who offered her friendship with open arms; and with Danielle Fournier, her best friend in the world who was working now as a professor’s assistant in college while she concluded her ethology doctorate. Delphine became the wonder girl of the Dyad Institute, her investment in her stem cell line was getting incredible raves and looked promising; Rachel couldn’t be happier, except for the fact that the corporate woman was also having issues of the heart, and Delphine noticed, because Rachel was going through the same as Delphine: she lost the girl she loved the most, and so the years were a reminder of what she never was going to have. But still she pushed forward.  
Two lives that were bonded by the purest love were torn apart by others’ desires, a love stained with pain and hate, a love that was no more. Ten long years had gone by, and two women who loved each other deeply went on with their lives; one thought that she was never going to love again, the other closed her heart. But life was a mysterious thing, and the two women who once dared to love each other in the wrong place at the wrong time were going to go through the hardest test of their life, because a love was going to be born, a love that could heal and a love that could destroy.  
The sunlight crept through the curtains, waking her up. She had stayed up all night reading an article on epigenetics that she found interesting, and obviously she wake up late, but who cared, she was on vacation after all. She rolled off the bed and walked to the bathroom, checked her reflection in the mirror and splashed her face with cold water. She looked at herself once more; she had changed, those hazel eyes staring her back had matured, the knowledge was visible; however, she still was the same on the inside. Cosima Niehaus, 28 years old and a complete idiot.  
Cosima went downstairs and found her breakfast on the table and a note from her mom to go buy some groceries. She put the list in her robe pocket and sat to eat, turning on the TV and eating her waffles with scrambled eggs to her heart’s content. She was back in San Fran for the holidays as usual, in a couple of days she would be back in Minneapolis to start the new semester of her doctorate program. She just came to chill and have fun with her awesome friend Scott Smith, who was now an expert on PCR, and helped her with her thesis.  
Once she finished breakfast she showered and got ready to do the errands her mom asked. She texted Scott to meet in a couple of hours and left the house. The walk to the grocery store was short, the day was sunny, the wind fresh against her skin; her dreads were loose today, her hair grew a lot, it reached her lower back when loose and when she wore it in a ponytail it reached her trapezius muscle. Most of the time she preferred to keep her hair in a bun, but today it was fantastic to have her hair loose.  
She reached the store in no time and went to buy the list her mother supplied, she put all the items into her cart and paid. When she walked past the pastry shop, she stopped, and to her surprise they were selling truffles today. That sent her back to memory lane. “Don’t be an idiot, it’s just food,” she tried to reassure herself, and to prove a point she bought truffles as well.  
“Hey dude, what’s up with you?” Scott pushed his glasses to rest higher on his nose, looking at his friend with worry.  
“Nah, don’t mind me. Here, I bought this to share.” Cosima passed the bag with the truffles. As soon as Scott took a bite she could see the delight in his expression.  
“This is pretty good, man, thanks.” Scott munched the truffle with gusto. “Christmas is so damn close now, are you having this for the Christmas dinner? This is delicious.”  
“Shit, today is the 21st, fuck.” Yes, today was her birthday, she was turning 34 today. And yes, she had kept track all this time. “Stupid.”  
“Why? Now what did I do?” Scott furrowed his brow, not getting now what he could have done to bother his sassy friend.  
“No, dude, sorry, I was thinking out loud.” Even after all their years of friendship she never told him about what happened with Delphine. She didn’t want to share that memory with anyone else, and that was stupid of her.  
_______  
“Joyeux anniversaire, Del.” Danielle smiled, black curls framing her cute face. The webcam still couldn’t quite catch her beauty.  
“Merci, Dani.” Delphine was working late again. She was neck-deep in research and projects.  
“How are you going to celebrate?” Danielle tilted her head and those black curls cascaded over her shoulder.  
“Now we speak English?” Delphine asked, tilting her head a bit.  
“Yes, I need to practice now that I will be assisting some classes, don’t want to mess up.” Danielle winked at Delphine.  
“Okay then. Anyway, I have to keep working in a Project, I won’t be going out today.” She really stopped celebrating her birthdays a long time ago, she just answered her maman birthday call and friends’ messages and that was it.  
“Del, just don’t push yourself too much, d'accord?” Danielle was always worrying for her, that’s how she was, always caring.  
“D’accord.” Delphine waved goodbye and closed the Skype video call. She was working now at the Dyad Institute in Toronto; meanwhile, Rachel Duncan couldn’t fight the ghost of Sarah Manning. The cold business woman had gotten entangled with the punk and fallen in love, even though the young entrepreneur would never admit it. Ten years ago Sarah had come knocking on her door asking for help, and Delphine had tried to do the best for her since she couldn’t do anything for Cosima. Delphine provided some contacts and sent Sarah to San Francisco. Last she heard, she now ran a successful car shop.  
She had to perfect this new stem cell line she was working on; a couple months ago, she spoke with Jennifer and learned that the young teacher had gotten sick and was getting worse by the moment. The blood samples she received from her threw in a lot of mixed information; however, she knew that if she finished this new line, there was a big chance to help her. Jennifer was a dear friend and she was going to do whatever it took.

After working all night in the lab, she went back home with a bottle of wine and drank the whole bottle while watching movies. This is what she usually did for her birthday, movie night and wine, the best company she could get. Christmases were similar, she went to the Christmas party at the Dyad Institute every year, which was, of course, to Rachel’s standards, the best party of the year. Delphine hung out with her peers, but she usually returned home right before midnight. That was what she did, she avoided those events when she could, but that party was important for her position in the institution and it was good for her to enjoy others’ company. However, the only Christmas party she remembered was that one ten years ago, when Cosima appeared with Rachel in that AP Government Christmas party. She remembered how uncomfortable Cosima was when Rachel kissed her and bit her lip, and she had driven her home; it was like yesterday for her. With how upset she was, Delphine knew Rachel was up to something, but the thing she remembered the most was the gift Cosima gave her, well, actually sent her. Cosima had made an outstanding analysis of an investigation Delphine was doing of cancer cells.

Delphine gulped down a whole glass and poured more wine. The last weeks of December were the worst, they were filled with so many memories of her, the geek monkey; it was hard not to think about it. And the new year, oh god, the new year was the hardest of all the holidays, that was the day Cosima kissed her for the first time, in the car. How awkward that was, and yet, she never stopped thinking about that kiss, because she kissed her back; even though the kiss didn’t last long and she broke it, she kissed her back for one second and that changed her world forever. Delphine sighed. Enough already going down memory lane. She finished her wine and hit the bed right away, tomorrow she could keep working, she didn’t mind the extra hours.  
_______  
Once the holidays were over, Cosima returned to Minneapolis to continue her studies. She was excited to start the second semester of her PhD in particular, because the classes were hella awesome. She went home and prepared her things to be ready; she really wanted to be on time, particularly for the evolutionary development class. She had some ideas to work on her dissertation already, and with the help of her professors she was going to do something pretty good. She started to read several articles in bed, the clock ticking, and when she least expected, it was past midnight.  
“Shit.” She turned off her computer, put a couple of books inside her backpack, and while she did that she noticed her copy of Endless Forms Most Beautiful under a tower made of books on the floor. She picked it up and caressed the cover; this book was something that even after all these years she kept close to her heart. “You were right, Evo Devo was for me.” That she could do, accept that her teacher was right, after all, that woman was her teacher and she did an incredible job to motivate her to pursue a career. She turned off her lamp, covered her body with the cold blanket and went to sleep before she thought too much about her.

By the time she woke up she was already late for her classes; she showered, put on her makeup and dressed as fast as she could and ran to the campus. The snow was covering the sidewalk, puffs of condensation leaving her lungs in rapid sequence. She was always late, it was incredible that there was not a single class that she made it to on time; however, she was such a great student that most professors didn’t give a damn about her usual tardiness. After several minutes, she finally made it to the classroom and sat in the back, taking out her notebook and laptop to take notes for her molecular biology class. The day was going smoothly moving from one class to the other, she was excited for this semester as well; all the things she was learning were very interesting, and the more she learned the more she wanted to know. She was definitely very nerdy. Her last class for the day was in the auditorium, Evolutionary Development 101. She was hella excited to start this particular class, it was like all her life she was preparing for this course, except that life tended to throw her curveballs; ergo, surprising her when she least expected it.  
She sat at the back of the auditorium, took out her laptop and was waiting for Professor Wilson, and yet the dude was taking his damn time. Cosima put in her earbuds, turned on her iPod, leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. When ten minutes later she heard that the other students were silent, she opened her eyes and saw a young woman putting several things on the desk; she removed the earbuds and put the device away. The woman was damn pretty, dark curls cascading her face, porcelain skin and brown eyes; she wasn’t very tall, though, probably a bit taller than her. She was wearing a blouse with floral designs and black pants, and boots that looked cute on her. Cosima wondered if she was another student, nah, she is pretty hot, you would have noticed if she was, she thought. Whatever that woman was doing here, she was not going to oppose the celestial command to enjoy that hottie’s company.  
“Good day.” The woman spoke with a very familiar accent.  
Cosima frowned, this was not what she was expecting.  
“Sorry for the delay, Professor Wilson won’t be able to attend the class for the first couple of weeks. I will be covering for him in the meantime.”  
“Holy watershed.” Cosima said more to herself than to the class.  
“My name is Danielle Fournier, I am Prof. Wilson’s assistant, and I’ll be replacing him until he comes back. Today we are going to discuss your ideas for research for your doctorate program and know that I will be here to aid you every step of the way. Oui?”  
“Oh shit, here we go again.”  
Yes, Cosima was in deep shit, she was attracted to her new professor, who happened to be French, a beautiful French girl with curly hair. Coincidence? Only time was going to tell, yet she could feel it in her gut, this was the beginning of a new love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for you to get to know Danielle.
> 
> This was brough to you by quidpropunk.tumblr.com so yeah, say thanks to Sam for her speedy beta powers.

She couldn’t stop looking at her, Danielle Fournier was the cutest human being she had ever seen walking this earth, well, except for you-know-who. This had to be the sickest joke ever; it was like a curse, the curse of the French women, and she fell under that spell like a fool.

The class was pretty rad, just as she imagined; Professor Fournier was pretty good and was dynamic, not boring like those other doctors who came to teach. Danielle was like a breath of fresh air, and the accent made it much more engaging. Once the class was over, Cosima approached her as she was storing her materials.

“Um, excuse me, Professor Fournier?” Cosima smiled in that way she knew how to knock the socks off of people.

“Hi, you made interesting comments, miss…?” Danielle looked at the dreadlocked girl and furrowed her brow.

“Niehaus, erm, I’m Cosima, enchantée.” She extended her hand and the French woman shook it.

_She is not her._

“Nice to meet you, Cosima. Nice French, by the way, and Danielle is fine, I’m just the assistant, not the professor.” Danielle tilted her head, thinking deeply. “Cosima, have we met before? I don’t know, but for some reason your face seems familiar.”

“Nah, I definitely would remember you for sure; maybe you have seen me around campus.” Danielle chuckled at the boldness of this girl, “You are very…what is the word?”

“Cheeky?” Cosima asked, grinning like a fool.

_She is not her._

“No, I would say charming.” Danielle smiled back and that smile was pretty sweet, Cosima had to admit.

“I just wanted to ask a couple of things about the class, and also, if you have time to discuss some ideas I have for my dissertation, that would be hella great.” Danielle couldn’t stop smiling. Cosima was so full of life, the way her hands moved all around was endearing, and it was clear that this young woman was so anxious to learn, it was a magical thing.

“Well, I have to arrange my schedule a bit now that Prof. Wilson is more busy than ever, but I should be able to open a spot for you. Let me organize a bit and I’ll let you know, d’accord?”

_She is not her._

“Cool, sure thing. Um, see ya later, then.” Cosima waved goodbye to Danielle and went home with the biggest smile on her face.

 _Danielle Fournier is not Delphine Cormier_.

 

 

Cosima spent the rest of the day smoking pot and researching on her computer all the information she could gather about Miss Danielle Fournier, her hot teacher’s assistant. She hacked into the University database of employees and opened the file of Danielle. Cosima really wanted to know as much as she could about this woman; she was intrigued, she was very curious, and she wanted to know what brought such a lovely girl to this place.

She read the basic information, and saw that she was about to conclude an ethology doctorate.

“Cool.” She kept pressing keys fast, reading and absorbing Danielle’s info like a sponge. The TA had various degrees related to science; she came to the US years ago with a scholarship, and she now was about to conclude her studies, which meant that she was going to return to Paris, where she had her residence in the 19 arrondissement, by the end of the year. She was born March 12th, 1984. “This is ridiculous, you are the same age as her, and both lived in Paris.” Cosima read some of the articles she published, she had to give the woman credit, she knew what she was talking about. Danielle definitely was someone whom she could befriend. She closed the file and skyped with Scott for a while.

“Dude, you are not going to believe this. I met the hottest TA, man.” She inhaled from her joint, exhaled the smoke from her nose.

“Picture, buddy, scientists need proof.” Scott giggled while he bit a piece from his chocolate bar.

“Don’t be an ass, Scotty, you know I have good taste, not like someone else.” Cosima leaned back in her chair and laughed at her friend through the webcam.

“Low blow. Anyway, nerd, are we gonna raid or what?” Scott was already getting his headset on.

“Sure thing, dumbass. Prepare to get pwned, buddy.” Cosima logged off of skype and clicked on her WoW icon. She had been playing with Scott for years, and they were among the top players in their guild, it was only natural that now they did raids instead of quests. The clock kept ticking and Cosima spent the whole day playing with Scott; she always tried to be busy, to have her mind occupied with other things, or else she was going to think about her. She really wanted to hate her, she wanted to despise her, and yet, she couldn’t do it. That didn’t mean she had forgiven her, not one bit. By 3am she said goodbye to her guildies, brushed her teeth, changed into some old T-shirt and baggy pants and went to sleep.

 

 

The next couple of days were busy for the geek monkey, she was writing a research paper about the Cambrian explosion and the evolution of organisms, due in a couple of weeks. She had barely time to exchange words with Danielle. The few times she had classes with her were the best; Cosima loved the approach she had, always from the point of view of the ethologist Danielle was, and that obviously opened the compass to discuss in class lots of topics regarding behavior and the influence of genes. That gave her the idea about epigenetics, which was a very interesting topic to be a thesis proposal. When she had more time she was going to ask Danielle her opinion. She respected the woman for her brains, it felt good to talk to someone who was so attuned with her, it was like their thoughts were in sync, or she was probably smoking too much weed. Anyway, the rest of the week Cosima went to all her classes, wrote tons of reports, read research papers and presented her points of view to the class, and yet with each day that passed her interest in Danielle Fournier grew a bit.

Luckily for her, she found the French beauty in the cafeteria buying lunch, the day was pretty cold and Danielle was buying some hot beverage at the nearest coffee shop. Cosima bought a sandwich and tea and greeted Danielle, who was sipping her beverage and reading a book.

“Hey, Danielle, it’s pretty cold today, huh?” Cosima waved at the TA amicably. Danielle immediately responded with a smile, which made Cosima’s stomach flip.

“Yes it is, Cosima, please take a seat.” Cosima didn’t waste time and sat in front of the gorgeous lady. “Bon appetit.”

“Thanks; um, that looks interesting.” Cosima took a huge bite of her roast beef sandwich while reading the cover of Danielle’s book, _Species of Mind: The Philosophy and Biology of Cognitive Ethology_.

“It is, cognitive ethology is something that really makes me wonder about the awareness and intention of an animal’s behavior. Cognitive science is such a vast topic, and mixed with behavior makes it something interesting.”

Cosima couldn’t stop looking at her eyes, the way those beautiful brown eyes glinted with emotion while she described her interest was alluring, so she quickly bit into her sandwich to focus on the topic and not her eyes.

“Yeah, that sounds hella cool.”

Danielle chuckled, “Well, if you get some interest in ethology, just let me know.” Danielle winked at her and Cosima almost choked on the last bite of sandwich. She took a gulp of her tea and wiped her mouth.

“You still have a… right there, no, a bit to the left.” Cosima tried to follow the directions of Danielle but she failed. “Allow me.” With a napkin, Danielle cleaned the mustard from Cosima’s cheek and that sent her back in time, to that day where she dared to kiss her, the day she bought a hamburger for her and she kissed her.

“I did not mean to disrespect, I apologize.”

Cosima frowned, and then it made sense; her face had changed completely; instead of the smile she had in place, she was now serious, deep in thought, and obviously Danielle thought she had overstepped her boundaries. “Ah, no no, ehm, thanks, I am a total klutz.” She gave her a smile in reassurance, but it was not genuine, and Danielle noticed; it was a fake smile, because she was reminded of what she had and lost, the pain was alive more than ever, a thorn that was buried in her heart.

“Well, thanks for the company.” Danielle rose from her chair. “See you next week?” Cosima nodded in affirmation, “Bien, take care.” Cosima kept staring until the curly-haired woman left the coffee shop and went away, then she erased the crappy smile and asked for another cup of tea to go. This was going to be a long night of research and pain.

 

 

The next week, Cosima spent the whole day thinking how to apologize for her weird behavior toawrd Danielle instead of focusing her attention in her classes; she really didn’t want her to think that she was mad or a psycho with personality issues; the thing was that sometimes the past was a bit too present in her mind, Cosima always did what she could to shove those memories aside, and yet it was still difficult not to remember the wonderful times she spent with that woman. The important thing was that now she wanted to befriend Danielle Fournier, and no one was going to stop that from happening. When she had to go to the evo devo classroom she always felt this kind of juvenile excitement, she really was happy to be in that class. She sat in her usual spot and watched Danielle explain an interesting case study that they were going to analyze for the next class. For some reason this class always went by too quickly, it was like the minutes were shorter when Cosima was listening to Danielle. Once the hour had gone by, the students left the auditorium, and Cosima approached Danielle and greeted her.

“Hey, that cavefish is a very interesting case, I will try to read more about it tonight.” Cosima explained her thoughts about macroevolution with Danielle. With her, time definitely seemed to fly.

“It is a good point, Cosima, but I think you are jumping too soon to conclusions, read it with more attention and you will see what the scientists did in the study to present the evidence of that data.” Danielle was so easy to talk to, and being hot was a plus.

“All right, sure, I’ll read it again, but I will fight you on this, Ms. Fournier, you will see.” Cosima grinned, confident in her skills, and that was an attractive feature of the dreadlocked scientist; it was like a symphony, each syllable accompanied by the movement of her hands. She was so passionate about science that Danielle really wanted to hear more.

“All right, challenge accepted. Let’s see what you can bring, Ms. Niehaus.” Danielle was bold as well, charming in her own way. Cosima extended her hand in acceptance of the challenge, Daniele shook it and squeezed, a huge smile on her face. Cosima waved goodbye to the TA and headed to the library to do some research before going home.

 

 

Cosima was so motivated again, Danielle pushed her to do her best, and she was hella rad, and sexy, and very very cute. Cosima spent several hours in the library, she wanted to impress her in a good way and forgot about the time. When she realized it was late she was hungry as fuck. Cosima packed her things and walked to the nearest coffee shop when she saw Danielle leaving campus right at the same time.

“Hello there, leaving for home?” Cosima walked beside the other girl, keeping her company for a while.

“Oh yes, finally, it was a long day. I thought you would be at home already.” Danielle’s eyes under the moonlight were pretty, Cosima simply had to look at them.

“Yeah, but I spent the rest of the day researching and I got a bit carried away and then I-“

_GROWL_

Danielle giggled. “Oops, that was not expected. Way to lose my appeal,” Cosima chuckled, and she was a bit flustered of complete embarrassment.

“Oh no, I don’t think you can lose your appeal just like that, trust me.” Danielle winked at her.

_Woah, if that is not flirting then I don’t know what it is._

“Come on, I’ll invite you a coffee, at least that way you will have something in your stomach.”

“Oh man, no need to do that, I live a couple of blocks away.” Cosima’s cheeks were a deep pink now; however, the starry night camouflaged it very well.

“Are you sure? The shop is right there,” Danielle insisted.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll be home pretty soon. Thanks anyway.” Cosima flashed her fangy teeth, adjusted her beanie and went back home. She knew she missed a huge opportunity by not accepting the coffee, _it was just a beverage, dumbass_ ; however, she didn’t want to send the wrong signals. It was a friendly invite, she had to remind herself. Once she reached her flat, she ordered pizza and turned on the TV; hopefully she was going to get distracted instead of thinking about Danielle Fournier. _Woah wait,_ “I’m thinking about Danielle, not the other French woman, but Danielle. Is this what I have to do to erase you completely from my life?”

Yes, she avoided mentioning her name at all costs, the day she dared to pronounce her name she had to be sure to be over her, and she wasn’t going to risk it just yet, at least when she was conscious, her dream world was a completely different story.

_Danielle is not Delphine._


	4. Chapter 4

Delphine was reading the latest results from the new stem cell line she was producing. It was dark and cold tonight. She had been working in the lab non-stop; the bags under her eyes were evidence enough of her lack of sleep and her pale skin needed some sun already. She was starting to get frustrated, there was something off about the genetic sequence she designed, and she couldn’t put her finger on it. Hours and hours of research and tests and she couldn’t do something that worked for her friend Jennifer, whose health was diminishing with each passing day.

 

“Merde!” She had no clue what she was doing wrong, she had reviewed this process over and over again; if only her geek monkey were here she knew she would have helped. Cosima was beyond brilliant, and with her support she probably could shed some light on her project. She spent several more hours writing in her notes the things she was going to change in the synthetic sequence she was developing when she was interrupted.

“Good evening, Dr. Cormier, any progress in your research project?” The particular British accent gave her away; the woman who basically messed up her life was also the one who gave her the opportunity of a lifetime, Rachel Duncan.

Delphine sighed in defeat, “Not yet, Rachel, but the other project for developing synthetic organs is going really well.”

The corporate woman was always on point, black skirt to the knees and a sleeveless black blouse on top. The sound of her black heels resonated in the office.

_CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP_

Her stride always elegant, powerful and confident; that was a woman to respect, right there. “I know you will find a solution, Dr. Cormier. I brought to you the copy of the latest patent, make sure to let the team know about the new specific protocols from now on.”

Delphine took the folder that Rachel handed her, peeked at it quickly.

“Perfect. I will take care of it, merci.” Delphine turned around in her chair to get back to work on her laptop, and by the sound of her heels the woman was leaving, when the sound stopped abruptly.

“I would like to speak to you tomorrow, Dr. Cormier, please meet me in my office as soon as you can. There is something I would like to discuss with you.” Rachel turned around again to leave when she added, “Cosima published a short article about the characterization and transplantation for cell-mediated gene therapy. I think you should read it, Doctor, it might offer interesting information.” Rachel offered a lop-sided smile, always testing the French scientist, always pushing her buttons. For Rachel this was never personal, it was all about the business, and by offering a legit source of information, no one could ever think this was about anything else; and yet, she knew that it being Cosima’s was going to hurt her. If only Delphine was brave enough to stand for once with a snappy comeback, she would have, but Rachel was Rachel and no matter how good the professional relationship they had developed, you never tested her. She almost killed the woman she loved, Sarah Manning, so Delphine could imagine what she could to someone who was nothing but an asset to her.

“I will, that might be of some help. Have a good night.” Delphine dismissed her as best as she could and returned to work.

 

Delphine pulled another all-nighter; she kept reading the articles, taking lots of notes and thinking about her girl, because for her she was always going to be the only one, she knew

it the day she said goodbye to her, the day she smashed her heart. Delphine knew that she was never going to love someone as she loved and continues to love that girl; she tried to avoid looking into her life, but the articles she published were so good. That was what she did to keep her close, through science she stayed connected with her. Delphine knew that Cosima was succeeding; she had no idea what she was doing with her life, she only read the articles she wrote and that was enough for her. That aspect, she could handle. She turned off her laptop, picked up all her papers and went back to her apartment, to enjoy her loneliness.

 

 

Delphine was up and ready as usual, it didn’t matter if she slept three hours or none at all, she was always on time at work, she just bought a cup of tea to go and was back in her lab in no time. She had read Cosima’s latest research paper, and she was so proud of how far she had come. She remembered the first essays she wrote or the lab reports she prepared during high school. Cosima had a way of analyzing things in a different manner; she knew there was so much potential back then, and now she was sure she made the right choice. What could she have offered back then to a girl starting her adulthood? Love sometimes was not enough.

 

Delphine was running various tests again to make sure she was back on track, the blood samples she had had a high white blood cell count. She knew the infection had started in other tissue, but without more samples she couldn’t do much more; however, that didn’t stop her from trying to develop the gene therapy that her friend Jennifer was needing at the moment.

“Good day, Dr. Cormier, I have brought the latest results of the tissue analysis.”

“Thank you, Dr. Bowles.” Marion Bowles was the head of the biotechnology department in The Dyad Institute; she was a woman in her 50s, very elegant and filthy rich as Rachel; she was also a very brilliant mind and an expert in gene manipulation. Delphine started working with her as her assistant and now that she had her own project Marion guided her. She had learned so much from her and she respected her work.

“You look very pale, Dr. Cormier, don’t push yourself too much, you know this is all trial and error. You have been working non-stop, you should consider a vacation, Doctor.” Marion offered a sympathetic smile and returned to her office.

_Vacation? To where?_ She had been deep in work because it was what gave her some joy, she didn’t have many friends and she was not interested in dating anyone anymore; the few relationships she had were completely empty and void of emotion. She was damaged goods; she was ruined for the rest of her life; she belonged only to Cosima, her Cosima.

 

Her phone bleeped, disturbing her thoughts, she pressed a key and saw that she had a text from her best friend, almost sister, Danielle.

“I met a girl who is incredible. Yes, she is a student, and yes, I know, I will keep my distance until I conclude the semester,” read the text.

“Oh well, at least things are going great for Dani, good that she learned from me.” Delphine texted back to her friend, and as the friend she was, she wanted her to take her time, to not rush things.

“Je suis heureux, just be careful, you know I don’t want you to be hurt again.” Yes, she was happy for her friend, but Danielle was so open, she was so trusting of people, and she gave her all. She remembered when she met her in school. Back in the day she was lonely, trying to be the best student she could to please her maman; she was such a nerd, but she wanted to fit somewhere. One day, she went to a party, but she was so out of place, so uncomfortable, and some boys were hitting on her when Danielle came to the rescue, and after that moment they became inseparable. While they were in college in Paris, they went out to the library together to do research, and that’s when Danielle met that other girl, whose name she didn’t recall, who drove Danielle crazy, which at the time Delphine thought was weird since she never thought about bisexuality until she met Cosima; however, Danielle loved freely. She remembered how her friend suffered when that woman returned to her country, Italy? it was painful to see her a sad mess, and yet now the pathetic fool was her and not Danielle; ironic.

Danielle had been a bit shocked when Delphine told her what happened with Cosima; of course, she kept it short and without much detail. Danielle knew she got entangled with a high school student, a young girl, but Danielle never judged her or accused her of being a pervert, she just said, “Welcome to the club, I told you girls were cute.” Danielle never made any comment about that again, she understood perfectly what was going through her head; they both went through a rough patch regarding relationships, and that’s why she was happy for Danielle.

 

Once she was done with the initial preparations, she went to the office of Rachel, who wanted to talk with her. Delphine walked through the halls of the Dyad Institute old building into the more modern facilities and administrative building; she took the elevator and when she reached the floor to Rachel’s office she walked to the front office desk and announced herself to Martin, Rachel’s other assistant.

“Bonjour, Martin, Ms. Duncan requested my presence.”

“But of course, Dr. Cormier.” Martin guided her to the glass door and opened it for her, once she was in Rachel’s presence the man left them alone.

“Good day, Dr. Cormier, please take a seat.” Delphine sat on the couch a bit weary of the reason Rachel summoned her here. Today the shorter woman was wearing a very elegant power suit in navy blue.

“Tea?” Rachel offered the teapot but Delphine politely refused. “Very well, I wanted to discuss with you certain things, Dr. Cormier.” Rachel sat beside her, hands resting comfortably on her lap, the red lipstick impeccable on her lips; it was sheer perfection.

“You have been working very hard on this latest project, Doctor; however, we feel that you have more potential to be stuck in a single project.”

“I understand that I haven’t provided the results you want, but trust me, I am invested in this study.” Delphine became a bit defensive, she was expending a lot of resources on this project and Rachel was probably going to cut her off.

“I am glad to hear those words. I know you are, Doctor, and that’s why I want you to be our interim director.”

Delphine eyes were wide in shock, she was expecting everything but this.

“Qui? But what about Dr. Bowles?” Delphine was incredulous.

“I believe you have the experience and leadership, you are respected and have charisma, you are the perfect candidate to take the chair. That means that you would have to deal directly with me and not with Marion.”

Delphine didn’t know what to say, years of working, of doing science and now this? To become director of the Dyad was huge, she never imagined that this could happen, but it did. Rachel extended her hand, waiting for her answer.

“I…” She couldn’t say anything else, instead the shook Rachel’s hand in agreement.

“Congratulations, Dr. Cormier, your new office is already waiting for you, Martin will take you there.” Rachel stood up, walked to her desk to pick up a series of documents and handed them to Delphine to sign them.

Once Delphine reviewed the terms and conditions, she signed; the amount of money she was going to get had doubled, and now she had all the resources she required, not just for her project but many more. She was now in control of many projects and she was the one who was going to call the shots in the scientific area. A dream come true.

_________

Cosima was walking in the campus park, she was looking for a good spot to sit down and relax before her next class; she had been reading and researching for her project and the lab work was going to be strenuous, so she preferred to take it easy today. She spotted a tree covered with a bit of snow, from her point of view it seemed it was empty, except that when she got close enough someone was already on the bench reading and smoking a cigarette.

“Danielle!” Cosima greeted the woman with smile on her face.

“Cosima, hello. What a surprise; are you heading to class?” Danielle arched her brow quizzically, her beautiful dark curls were in a ponytail today.

“Ah, no no, just walking around.”

Danielle scooted to the side of the bench and patted it, inviting Cosima to join. Cosima took a seat beside the TA.

“A cigarette?” She offered the box, but Cosima shook her head.

“Nah, just pot for me.”

“Okay, great. Anyway, how’s it going?” Danielle stubbed out the butt of the cigarette and fixed all her attention on the woman beside her.

“Cool. I’m a bit tired, but all is good. So, Prof. Wilson returns next week, then?” Cosima tilted her head, curiosity in her eyes.

“Yes, finally.” Danielle laughed, “Not that I don’t like you guys, but when he comes back I will be able to focus on my research to conclude my doctorate.”

“Oh right, right. I mean, we are going to miss you, too, you are hella rad as a professor.” Cosima’s cheeks turned a bit pink, but she kept it cool. “And once you finish, what are you gonna do?” Cosima needed to know, for science.

“I might return home, it’s been awhile. Don’t you miss home?” The look of longing made Cosima’s heart ache for her, she would have hugged her but that was out of line.

“Yeah, sometimes. Too many memories back home, and I don’t know if I will be ever ready to face them.” Danielle saw how Cosima’s expression turned sad, she put her hand over her shoulder, offering comfort.

“Sorry I brought up a sensitive topic, I’d rather see you smile.” Danielle was really a sweet person, and blunt; she always said what she thought.

“It’s okay man, it’s really nothing.” Cosima reassured the other woman; however, her hand remained on her shoulder. It was so comforting.

“Okay, but if you want to talk, I’m here. I would really love to be your friend, Cosima.” Danielle meant it, she would love it.

“Sure thing.” Cosima was glad to have someone like Danielle around, she really was. Danielle let go of her shoulder and she felt so cold now, the warmth already gone. Danielle stood up.

“I have to go now, but it is always a pleasure to talk with you. Maybe when I’m off from my TA duties, we could hang out more?”

Did Danielle really want to be friends with her, or was she asking her out? Did she really want to go out with her? These questions quickly crossed her mind, but for now this was okay, whatever _this_ was.

“Yeah, of course,” Cosima grinned. Danielle leaned down and kissed both her cheeks.

“See you around, Cosima.”

Cosima kept staring until the woman was completely gone, and then she sighed heavily; Danielle was such a cutie, but was she worth it? Was she going to make her forget about _her_? In order to find out, she was going to have to risk it a bit, to expose herself again and let herself be loved, and that was scary. Was she ready to love again? She was desperate to be with someone, she was so tired of this loneliness, and Danielle was amazing. She could start with friendship; at least she could try that out.


	5. Chapter 5

The classes with Prof. Wilson weren’t bad, but she was already biased because of Danielle, she was so much better; nonetheless, the French woman kept aiding with the lab work and the paper revisions. She could see her every time she had a class, and she was grateful for that. Danielle Fournier had turned her boring life into something happier; she gave her a reason to smile, and it was such a pleasure to interact with her. She definitely felt blessed; however, their interactions were always formal, professional. After all, Cosima was still involved academically with her, and this time around she had to be smart and not fall for pretty puppy eyes and magical unicorn hair like she did years ago.

“Niehaus? Are you coming?” A male voice sounded in the distance. Cosima focused her lost stare and then realized that she was daydreaming in the middle of a class.

“Yeah, sorry, I got distracted.” Cosima went with the classmate working on this research project with her and together they presented their topic to Prof. Wilson, who was seated right beside Danielle.

 

During the presentation Cosima kept staring at the gorgeous woman, it was like Danielle was the only member of the audience and she had only eyes for her. She was attracted to the beautiful woman in ways she hadn’t been before. Danielle was interesting; she was so open, blunt and very sweet. She was the opposite of that woman, she was secure and confident and it was so easy to talk to her, and everybody probably had a crush on Danielle Fournier. She was lucky that Danielle paid most attention to her, when she smiled it made her feel butterflies again, and that was the best feeling in the whole world.

“That was a very good point, Ms. Niehaus.” Prof. Wilson scribbled several notes in his notepad, and Danielle was simply smiling, very satisfied.

“Alright, that’s all for today, remember to keep the lab work up to date.” Prof. Wilson dismissed the class. Danielle stayed behind to pick up all the papers and folders of Prof. Wilson. Cosima walked towards the woman while she finished packing.

“So, how did I do?” Cosima grinned with that overconfidence that would kill a thousand men.

Danielle faced her and smiled before returning to her work.

“You should already know, since you are so full of yourself, you brat.”

Cosima snorted. “What can I say, I’m too smart for these people.”

“Yes, you are, too smart for your own good.” Once Danielle picked up all the things spread over the desk she turned around and leaned on the table. “We have known each other since what? Two months?”

“Yup, sort of, almost three months now.” Cosima explained.

“Are you free tomorrow? There is a lecture and I was wondering if you would like to come.” Danielle asked right away, not an inch of hesitation in her voice.

“Um, like you have an extra ticket and don’t want it to go to waste, or you’d rather take me than go alone?” Cosima tilted her head, her cheekiness too much for Danielle to handle.

She started laughing maniacally.

“Mon Dieu! You are a little brat. Why can’t it be: I would like to invite you because I enjoy your company, huh?” Danielle’s cheeks hurt so much, but she couldn’t contain the laughter. Cosima was a beam of happiness and joy, and she enjoyed it too much.

“Okay, okay, that too.” Cosima raised her hands in surrender.

“Gosh, if my best friend knew you she would be horrified by your cheekiness. She would probably be looking for ways to apologize on your behalf.” Danielle picked up her bags and walked towards the exit, with Cosima accompanying her.

“Anyway, if you are bored and want to join me, here you go. It’s just a friendly invite; don’t think I want to seduce you or anything.” Danielle offered her the ticket.

“Really? Too bad, and here I was thinking what I was going to do with you in bed.” Cosima offered a huge smile, her tongue poking through her teeth and Danielle cackling maniacally.

“Well, I hope to see you tomorrow.” Danielle waved goodbye and left Cosima to her own affairs.

 

 

Cosima was happy, it had been a while since she last felt like this. However, it was completely different to when she got tangled with Delphine. The circumstances had been different:  it was forbidden, exciting and magical; it was like Delphine blew up her senses and she had no idea what to do with how she felt for her. It had been the most incredible feeling in the world. With Danielle, she had been cautious, exploring and prodding to see how she reacted. At least the age difference now didn’t matter, but back then that was one of the gaps they faced; Cosima was just a kid.

Danielle had been open about their friendship, trusting and honest with her; there were flirty moments between them, but they kept it professional. At least while they still were in the same class, that’s how it was going to be. Danielle was fun and caring, a jokester and total sweetheart; they had several things in common, and the friendship was blossoming into something beautiful, yet Cosima feared she was going to ruin it with these intense feelings of despair, longing and love that the blonde had left in her. Because it didn’t matter how hard she had tried, she never forgot about that killer smile or that protectiveness of her. That woman had left her broken. Maybe, just maybe, Danielle could be the one who was going to pick up her pieces and make her whole again, at least she hoped. Though, that wouldn’t be fair to Danielle, either. For now, the only thing she could expect was to be friends with this fantastic woman and avoid ruining it in the process.

 

The next day, Cosima arrived a bit late to the special presentation that Danielle invited her to. She looked around for Danielle, trying to spot the dark mane of curls that cascaded down her back, looking from side to side until her precious accented voice called her name.

“Cosima, there you are! I thought you weren’t really coming.” Danielle took her by the hand and guided her to the seats she had selected.

“Here I am, dude, sorry for the delay.” Cosima put her bag on the floor and sat beside Danielle.

“Thanks for coming, anyway.”

The lights were dimmed and the presentation began. On the podium, the dean of the department introduced the scientist who came to talk about biotechnological developments.

“Please welcome Dr. Marion Bowles.”

The auditorium offered a thunderous applause to the special guest. Cosima was really interested, since this Doctor was apparently an eminence in genetic manipulation, which was hella rad.

 

Dr. Marion Bowles started her speech with grace and lots of knowledge. Cosima was in awe of how much this woman knew, though once in awhile she peeked at Danielle. The long hour went by in the blink of an eye. Dr. Bowles offered an inspirational speech and the Q&A session was managed wonderfully. Cosima was truly mesmerized by the incredible talent of Dr. Bowles.

“She is really an expert in this field. It was interesting, don’t you think?” Danielle was drinking champagne at the toast the University offered to Dr. Bowles. Cosima had a glass of wine and ate several snacks.

“Yeah, very. She knows her shit.”

“Come on, she is free. Let’s meet her.” Danielle pulled Cosima towards the guest. “Woah, dude, hold it!” Cosima gulped down her snack and took a sip of wine quickly.

“That was a very entertaining speech, Dr. Bowles, we are so glad to be here.” Danielle offered her hand and introduced herself, “I’m Danielle Fournier, Ethologist, and this is my friend Cosima Niehaus, Evo Devo.”

“Nice to meet you two.” Dr. Bowles shook both their hands and frowned when she saw Cosima, “Your name rings a bell, do you have any family in the biotech business?”

“Well, my mom is a botanist, she is currently working in phytobiotechnology,” Cosima told the older woman.

“Oh, but of course, now I remember, Dr. Niehaus from San Francisco; and I see you are following similar steps. Seeing young women like you so enthusiastic is what makes me keep working so hard.” She offered two business cards to each of them.

“The Dyad Institute?” Cosima read the card with interest.

“Yes, please consider this an exclusive offer. We only reach for the best and I trust you two are the best.” The woman smiled and went to meet other attendees.

“Not bad, huh? They are a great scientific company, and my best friend works for them, so they are legit.”

“Cool, I guess, but I still have a couple of semesters ahead of me, but on the other hand, you are about to finish.” Cosima said it with so much sadness, in the months she had bonded with Danielle, she felt so happy, and she feared the moment she concluded her studies. She really didn’t want to be alone again.

“Hey, no worries, there is plenty of time.” Danielle rested her hand on her arm, trying to comfort her.

“Yeah, right. You wanna go to my place and drink some wine? I still have some Merlot and it would be a shame to drink it by myself.” Cosima adjusted her red jacket and looked at Danielle with her best smile.

Danielle pondered for a couple of seconds before she accepted. “Okay, let’s go.”

 

Danielle and Cosima sat at the small table she had in her loft. Danielle was a bit marveled that Cosima found anything in this mess, but it made sense since Cosima’s way of thinking was sometimes chaotic, and this was part of who she was. The lights were dimmed, offering a more relaxed and warm environment; it was a comfortable night to enjoy with someone. They chatted for a long time about the conference and about the work proposal; they engaged in deep conversations about science and what-not; it was such a lovely evening. Cosima never brought people to her sanctuary, so the fact that she allowed Danielle in her space meant that she really trusted her.

“This is really good, next time I’ll bring something to share.” When Danielle sipped her glass of wine, Cosima observed the way her lips moved, how her tongue traced her lips to moisten them and, _wait, did she say next time?_

“That would be awesome, though these cookies are not bad at all. Actually, they’re pretty good.” Cosima bit her chocolate chip cookie, the crumbs fell on the wooden table, and Danielle wiped the remnants around Cosima’s mouth with her thumb, paralyzing Cosima with the sudden contact. She was so used to that woman doing that, she was always taking care of her, making sure she was okay, protecting her, and when things got tough, all of that didn’t mean anything, she discarded her like trash.

“You are really an incredible woman, Cosima.” Danielle purred. She leaned on the table, elbows resting on the hard wood, her face cupped in her hand, looking at Cosima like the most beautiful thing in the word. Cosima was glad to have Danielle, and yet, she was hesitant of what she was feeling. Danielle was a gorgeous woman, and the fact that she was interested in her made her heart sing; however, she was afraid, there was no denying that she feared to be used again, to be fooled by a pretty face. There was resentment in her heart, there was pain, and she was afraid to open her heart to someone else; yet she was so desperate to feel something for someone, she was so done being alone, and Danielle was such an incredible woman, that maybe she was worth the risk.

 

The amount of wine was copious and they both were now a bit tipsy, their conversations were so good that they barely noticed when they drank the other bottle Cosima had brought.

“You are rad as well, Danielle.” Cosima could feel her cheeks turning pink.

“I mean it and you know it. You have this self-awareness of how hot you are, I wish I had the same confidence.” Danielle started to play with one of her curls and Cosima couldn’t tear her eyes from her.

“Hey, you are a gorgeous woman, Danielle, trust me on that; half the class is drooling over you.” Cosima gulped down her glass of wine and stood up to break the tension she was feeling, she headed to the kitchen and poured more wine.

“And in that 50%, are you included, or…” Danielle moved smoothly behind her, whispering those words in her ear. Cosima trembled; she was not used to being this nervous, but she was. Cosima turned around slowly to find herself facing Danielle inches away, caged between her arms, her hands resting on the kitchen counter.

“I um, maybe.” Cosima released a nervous chuckle, her heart was beating so fast she swore it was going to rip her shirt open.

“I guess we need to find out.” Danielle was leaning into her, _oh god,_ she was getting closer, closer, her mouth closing in, she could feel her breath so warm against her face and then she stopped. Danielle was so damn close and yet, she was giving the ultimate decision to Cosima to close the gap between them, to make the choice to kiss her.

_What the hell are you doing? Kiss her, you fool. You like the woman for fuck’s sake just kiss her._

But she didn’t move; Danielle smiled and kissed the corner of her lips instead. “It’s okay, I get it. I shouldn’t have tried anything, not when we are still involved in university business, BUT, in four months we won’t be. So tell me, Cosima, would you give me a chance to conquer your heart, ma petite chou?”

Danielle was telling her how interested she was, not in the student or friend but the woman; no more flirting, no more fooling around, no more going around the bushes, she was asking her if she was going to give her a chance, simple and to the point.

Cosima cupped her cheek and smiled. “Yeah, I’m part of that 50%.”


	6. Chapter 6

Cosima had to get her shit together. Danielle Fournier was fucking offering something that could work out, so why the hell was she being so coy about it? The next couple of classes went as usual: she did her research papers, she completed the lab work and she delivered her best. Danielle kept helping Prof. Wilson and delivering useful information to all the students. At least she was showing that she was a professional, not mixing her feelings and favoring Cosima over the other students. Danielle Fournier was a woman of ethics and a total sweetheart. When she was out of classes, they hung out for a couple of minutes, just like she would do with any other student who required her help. However, the few minutes that they shared were the most precious; they laughed, joked and talked about science. Danielle was the perfect combination of wits and sexy, all in a tiny package.

Nonetheless, she couldn’t stop remembering that woman. Why on earth had she fallen so hard for her? That was a question that was going to haunt her all her life. She had never felt what she did for the blonde again, not for lack of trying; she did try and failed miserably, so she stopped. Now that Danielle was in her life, it was something different; it was like a brand new light in her life, someone who cheered her up and made her laugh so easily. Danielle was definitely worth the shot.

 

“This caramel frappuccino is really good, it wakes me up in an instant.” Danielle had selected the table to the farthest corner of the coffee shop, just to keep the curious students from looking and be in a more private ambience with Cosima. “Want to try?” Danielle offered Cosima to take a sip, she extended her large cup to Cosima, who was across from her with a cup of tea.

“Ah no, I’m good.” Cosima shook her head, but Danielle was insistent.

“Just a tiny sip, Cosima, if you don’t like it, you don’t.” Danielle was so cute with that huge smile on her face, how was she going to say no.

“All right, just a tiny sip.” Cosima held the frappuccino and took a quick sip. She licked her lips and tried to get a feel for the beverage, her tastebuds savoring the coffee.

“It’s not bad, but I’d rather stick with tea.” Cosima gave the cup back to Danielle and kept drinking her tea, her smile teasing the French woman.

“You remind me of that nerd, she likes tea too.” Danielle commented, and continued drinking her beverage.

“Who? Your BFF?” Cosima arched her brow. She was too curious and wanted to learn more about this amazing friend.

“Yes, she is in Canada. She is usually more reserved, but a complete dork once you really know her. You have to see the two of us, I was always the one who got us into trouble and she was the one who got us out. She is the best friend I could ever have.” Danielle’s eyes were sparkling from the joy of thinking about her friend.

“Cool, I also have a good friend just like that. He is a total geek and acts pretty awkwardly sometimes, but he is hella awesome, too.”

“For friendship.” Danielle raised her cup.

“For friendship,” Cosima added, and they toasted with their drinks.

 

The rest of the morning they kept talking about all the random stuff they could think of until it was time to depart to their respective classes. They were walking together back to campus when Danielle asked her out.

“Wait, what?” Cosima frowned, she had been caught by surprise.

“This weekend there is a rave and I can gather from your musical tastes that you would love to go. In a friendly manner of course. I said I was going to wait until you finished the course to really pull my moves on you, Niehaus,” Danielle joked around.

“Woah, you haven’t pulled your moves yet? I perceive a challenge here.“ Cosima scrubbed her hands evilly, grinning with a glint in her eyes.

“I am going to show you how much I have under my sleeve, you brat. Get ready to be swept away by my french charms,” Danielle retorted. The two kept walking until one of them had to change direction. Danielle kissed Cosima on the cheeks and they split apart.

 

Cosima went to the library to finish her research project and yet, she kept thinking about Danielle. The French woman had won her over the last couple of months with her enthusiasm and friendship. The semester was almost halfway through, and she knew that once it was over, Danielle was going to fulfill her word to conquer her; she was both excited and terrified. It had been so long since she had something real, if you could call what she had with _her_ ,real. Danielle was perfect in every aspect, the problem was actually herself. Cosima was afraid that she wasn’t going to be enough for Danielle, that she wasn’t going to love her like she deserved, and that was what scared her the most. But she had to try, she had to risk it or else she was going to live with regret. Cosima spent several hours taking notes and reading book after book, and yet, her mind flew far away to moments that were already lost, particularly in a music room in high school, which happened when she was horny as fuck. She knew she was close to that time of the month; if she didn’t think about that, then she craved Eskimo Pies, and that was frustrating as hell. Once she was done with her research, she went back home; she needed to talk with someone and that someone was Scott.

 

“Dude, you have no idea, she is incredible.” Cosima was leaning on her bed, her laptop to her side and Scott on the screen. “Danielle has been super nice and gosh, I really like her.”

“Then what’s stopping you, dude?” Scott pushed his glasses on top of his nose, he was drinking a Coke while he Skyped with Cosima.

Cosima sighed. If only he knew what was stopping her, but she couldn’t say, could she?

“I don’t know man, maybe I’m just being an idiot. Besides, we are still kind of involved in classes so there’s that.” Cosima picked up a joint and lit it, then she took a hit and continued discussing Danielle with Scott.

Scott got closer to the webcam. “Listen to me, your TA is hella sexy. Why won’t you go after her? Dude, you’re not in high school, so there is no reason you can’t pursue her.”

Cosima expelled the smoke from her lungs, the joint between her fingers, her head filled with thoughts about how to explain her shit to Scott.

“There is something you don’t know, Scotty, something that has to do with me being away from The City. I can’t tell you through Skype, I’d rather speak to you face to face, dude. But I will try to have fun with Danielle and have a good time, okay? Thanks buddy, you’re really a good pal.” Cosima was glad to have him in her life.

“Hey, man, no problem, whatever it is, I know you can work it out.” Scott waved goodbye and logged off. Cosima left her laptop on her desk and sat on the couch thinking about her options. She had the opportunity to have fun, so that was what she was going to do, enjoy it to the max. She closed her eyes and let the weed fill her senses or else she was going to scratch that itch thinking about that woman.

 

 

 

The weekend arrived and Cosima had spent too much time trying out which dress she was going to wear to go out with Danielle. Even when it was supposed to be a friendly night out and nothing else, Cosima had to look her best. Her eyeliner game was on point tonight, her dreads were in a bun and she looked hella hot with the transparent black top she was going to wear with her dark red pants.

She grabbed her handbag and went to take a cab to reach the club. She made it a bit late to the rendezvous point, so when she met Danielle she apologized right away.

“Sorry for the delay, I got a bit distracted.” Cosima greeted Danielle, smiling and enjoying the view. Danielle was rocking a nice blouse in a combination with tight jeans.

“Oh non, it’s okay. Besides, I think the wait was worth it.” Danielle grinned and winked. She held Cosima’s hand and led her inside the club.

 

The bass was resonating hard, the crowd moving to the beat; the DJ was mixing some awesome tunes and there were glowsticks everywhere. Danielle pulled Cosima to a small table in the VIP area, then she excused herself and went to go get some drinks. The place was packed; the music was thundering through the speakers, and the mass of bodies moved on the dance floor, while others sat at the bar. When Danielle came back with beers, she offered one to Cosima and sat at her side.

“Nice party.” Cosima took a long gulp of the cold beer, the heat of all the bodies was intense.

“The atmosphere is very lively. The DJ has some great songs.” Danielle took a fistful of peanuts and threw them in her mouth one by one. Her foot tapped the floor following the beat. They chatted for a bit, just breaking the ice and making each other comfortable enough, since this was a new venue and not the campus or the coffee shop, where they usually talked.

“Anyway, we came here to dance and have hella fun, didn’t we?” Cosima stood up and grabbed Danielle’s hands and pulled her to the dance floor. Once Cosima found a good spot, she started to move. Danielle was enthralled, Cosima’s movements were flowing with the music, so in tune, it was like she was water, motioning circles with hands and hips. Cosima was a pretty girl and with those moves it was obvious that she was calling the attention of others around them, so Danielle had to do something to claim her from those people. After all, she was an ethologist, she knew behavior, and she knew how to be territorial. And this girl was hers. Danielle danced near Cosima, a bit shy at first, keeping her distance to make this as professional as possible, but when she realized how comfortable Cosima was, how at ease she was, she took one step closer to her.

 

Danielle got pretty close, close enough to grind on Cosima, who turned around and now was giving her back to her, her movements sultry, seductive and oh damn hot. Danielle rested both her hands on Cosima’s hips and let the girl with the dark-rimmed glasses guide her. They danced and danced and danced, taking small breaks before getting back on the dance floor. The closeness of body against body, the heat radiating from each other, going up and down in unison, the bass pumping hard just like their hearts, it was almost like having sex on the dance floor. Cosima and Danielle were face to face, inches from each other, Danielle’s hands roamed Cosima’s body. Cosima had her hands anchored on Danielle’s shoulders, the neon lights moved all over them and they were so in tune with one another, time seemed to go slow when they danced and suddenly, some idiot bumped into Danielle, pushing her closer to Cosima. Cosima laughed without losing the rhythm but then she really noticed how close they were, and the way Danielle was looking at her, like she was recently-prepared coffee in the morning, Danielle’s favorite; and that was arousing as hell. They stopped dancing, looking into each other’s eyes, Cosima moistened her lips and Danielle inclined her head just at the right angle to meet her. Cosima was ready to make contact with those luscious lips, she started to close the gap, mouths just a breath away , eyes closed and ready to kiss in 3,2—

“SHIT!” Cosima pulled apart, the cold liquid seeped through her clothes.

“Oh sorry,” the guy apologized; he had splattered half of his drink on Cosima’s back.

“Merde; what a douche. Let’s get you dry.” Danielle said with a half laugh, she held Cosima’s hand while they walked all the way back to their table. Cosima was now all sticky and cold but with Danielle at her side, she felt well-tended and cared-for. They even looked like a couple, she realized. Most people probably thought they were together, and who could blame them, the way they danced was pretty sexy and a fucking statement to all of those around.

“Let me get something to try to dry you.” Danielle headed to the bathroom to get paper towels while Cosima stood with the booze dripping from her shirt. She tried to clean as much as she could with the napkins available on their table, using them to wipe the remnants of the liquid from the nape of her neck, but all she could think of were Danielle’s hands over her, the soft hands moving along the curve of her hip, the soft pressure against her skin. Danielle came back and she helped Cosima to clean the mess before they could sit again and rest.

“Sorry about that, this was supposed to be a perfect night.” Danielle leaned on her elbow to look comfortably at Cosima. She smiled at the dreadlocked girl a bit shyly, and it was so damn cute.

“It’s ok, um, I guess it was expected. But hey, the night is perfect, I am having a blast, Danielle.” Cosima wanted to extend her hand and just tuck that wild curl behind her ear, just like she did with Del- _STOP IDIOT_ she scolded herself mentally for her stupidity. She was doing so well until she brought _her_ up again.

“Merci. Of course it has to do with your wonderful company. Anyway, it’s past 2 already so we better go back, oui?”

 

Danielle took Cosima back to her home, parked her car to the side of the road, and walked Cosima to her door. The stink of alcohol and sweat was not as alluring versus her sweet perfume when she left home hours ago, but at least she was back with her; was this a good moment to invite her in to spend the night with her, or that would scream desperate? Danielle had been so patient, they weren’t even dating, and nonetheless Cosima was in need of release.

“Have a good night, Cosima, and thank you for coming.” Danielle put her thumbs inside her jeans pocket, she was a bit flustered and she avoided looking her in the eye.

Cosima smiled, she pushed her glasses on top of her nose and then hugged Danielle. “Thanks.” Cosima embraced Danielle for a couple of minutes, a hug that was strong and she poured her gratitude into the embrace. When she let her go, she left a small kiss on her cheek and went inside her place before she fucked this up.

 

Tonight she had had so much fun, the only thing that was missing was the awesome sex she could have had with Danielle. She bet that woman could move in bed just like she danced; however, all she could see on that dance floor was a blonde and not a brunette, and that was messed up; she took a shower, thinking about hands over skin, about flesh against flesh and once between the warmth of her sheets she let her hand take care of her on _her_ behalf. She surrendered and let that woman’s name escape her lips once again. _Delphine._


	7. Chapter 7

Delphine awoke with the buzzing of her phone; she was still in her office, she realized. She lifted her head from the desk and checked her watch. _Merde_. It was past midnight and she had fallen asleep in her office; it was March 9 th, _her_ birthday.

Today was one of those days when she felt more miserable, sad and broken. Delphine missed her so much, distance was nothing compared to the emptiness she felt in her insides. It could have been already 100 years, and still she would miss her, her Cosima. She picked up her things, removed her lab coat and left it on her leather seat, then turned off the lights of her office on her way out. She took the elevator to the first floor, where she took a taxi.

 

Once she made it back to her apartment she left her keys, portfolio and handbag on the kitchen table and walked to her small desk. The tidy apartment was simple, but elegant, a place that needed chaos and that faint smell of pot to complete it.

She opened the lid of her laptop, and once the machine was on she logged into her e-mail account and clicked on the tracking number of her order. _Yes, everything was on schedule_. She closed her laptop and headed to the bedroom, she was tired and she needed to review Jennifer’s latest medical exams first thing in the morning. She changed into shorts and a tank top and went to bed, and again the memories flooded her restless mind; she remembered how the previous night she had cooked for her; and the next morning when she gave her that book, how happy she was; and how could she forget their first time together, when they made love to each other. Delphine did her best to make that day the most special. And now, there was nothing she could do about it. Delphine sighed in frustration, sometimes she was so tempted to go look for her and ask her for forgiveness, and yet she couldn’t do it. She covered her cold body with the blanket and slept.

 

 

Delphine woke up pretty late the next day, which was not usual for her, but she had been working nonstop and her body was already demanding her to take a break. She did not remember the last time she went out for dinner or to the movies; she had dedicated the last years to being the best at what she did, and she was. This had given her so much comfort and satisfaction; however, that was not a replacement for the lack of social life. Although, this was more like something she imposed on herself rather than avoiding people. No one could fill the void that tiny cheeky girl had left. Delphine showered, dressed, and picked up her things to go to the lab. She had to speak with Jennifer today about her current results and prognosis. She had been trying different things these past months, but nothing she did had helped the teacher, who was now in a hospital. The disease was progressing so damn fast, and even with her PhD in immunology she felt useless; nothing she tried so far had worked for the ex- swimming coach.  Delphine headed for the lift, and once the door opened, she got in; on the next floor the door opened again to welcome the woman in charge of this company.

“Bonjour, Rachel,” Delphine greeted.

“Good morning, Dr. Cormier, how are the projects coming along?” Rachel raised her eyes to meet hers; the navy suit she wore today looked as expensive as her jewels. Always impeccable, always in control.

“As expected, you will have definitive answers in a couple of days.” Delphine respected and feared the woman, there was something about the petite blonde that was dangerous.

 

Delphine often wondered how she managed to be an ice bitch all the time, not showing any weakness whatsoever. Nonetheless, she knew about someone who would make her tremble: Sarah. Delphine never thought that the woman was capable of feeling, but she did. At least, Sarah really thought so.

The lift doors opened and both women walked out.

“Then I will proceed to make the negotiations regarding the new patents. Thank you, Dr. Cormier, update me as soon as you have the latest results.” Rachel kept walking and went her way. Delphine turned in the opposite direction to reach her office. Once she had set up all her equipment she logged in to Skype and waited for Jennifer to connect and talk to her. In the meantime, she sat and read all her latest health reports, and took notes and prepared questions in order to keep moving forward with her research. Delphine really hoped she could come up with something new to make this work for Jennifer.

 

The computer made a bleep and then the classic ringtone of Skype resonated on her speakers, so she accepted the video call.

“Hello, Delphine, looking good as ever.”

Delphine hesitated, she did not expect to see Jennifer so damn sick.

“Bonjour, Jennifer, I am so happy to see you.” The gorgeous teacher was now so pale, wearing a hospital robe, connected to many machines, and wearing an oxygen mask.

Jennifer chuckled, “You don’t sound so happy.”

Delphine lowered her gaze, she was ashamed that she couldn’t do anything. She was the doctor here, she was the professional, the so-called expert, and her hands were empty; she couldn’t give answers to Jennifer.

“I’m so sorry.” Delphine closed her eyes and with her hand she covered her face in shame, “I don’t know what else to do, Jennifer. I am so sorry.”

“Hey, don’t do that, Delphine, please. You have been trying so hard, you will find something. Just don’t blame yourself.” Jennifer gave her a small smile, which broke Delphine’s heart. She remembered her friend and how healthy she was, how tanned her skin was all the time, her huge smile and beautiful hair, now she was a ghost of that person.

“Your tests show that the disease has infected 64% of your organs. At this rate, you…” Delphine choked, she couldn’t say the words. By this rate Jennifer was going to die in a couple of months and she had no clue how to stop this.

“I will do what I can Jennifer, just hang in there, please.” Delphine looked once again into the screen, the image of Jennifer was so wrenching, but she had to give her best for Jennifer, she at least deserved that.

“You shouldn’t be sad, Frenchie, today is her birthday, isn’t it? When are you going to tell her? Are you going to keep hiding behind my back?” Jennifer pressed Delphine with the difficult questions. Jennifer had realized what happened between her and Cosima years ago; particularly because of the type of favors Delphine asked, it was inevitable that Jennifer put the pieces of the puzzle together. After all, she saw firsthand how the situation between them developed.

“Jennifer, I can’t, it’s been too many years. She probably has someone who makes her happy now, I am too late. What I can do right now is work on your behalf, I will fix this damn genetic code and help you.”

Jennifer smiled, but she was so weak it hurt to see her like that. “Okay, but if you don’t, I will tell her, Frenchie. You’re not the monster you think you are, Delphine. You’re not a horrible person, and above anything else, you deserve to be happy.”

 

Delphine smiled back to her friend and concluded the call after briefly discussing the tests, so Jennifer could get some rest. She was never going to be happy; happiness for her was that fangy smile of that girl in the morning; happiness was when she was writing emails in binary; happiness was everything Cosima Niehaus was. The only thing she could hope for was that she liked her birthday gifts.

Delphine tried to focus again and get back to work, the clock was ticking and Jennifer was losing the battle against that damn disease. She had to keep trying everything; there was no other option for her.

________

Cosima had awoken a while ago, but she wasn’t in the mood to get out of bed; instead, she remained between her blankets doing what she did every birthday, reading a bit of _Endless Forms Most Beautiful_ , the only gift she kept and cherished. How did Delphine know this was the path for her? Cosima had no idea, but the teacher knew her damn well when she gave this book to her. After all, this was the path she took; she ended up studying Evo Devo. Her cellphone started to ring, Cosima rolled on the bed to pick up the phone from the night stand.

“Hey, mom. Yeah thanks, I’m cool. Mhmm, um sure, say thanks to dad too. Yeah mom, gotcha. Love you too, bye.” Cosima threw the phone on her bed and took a nap, her mom just called to give her congratulations and to make sure that she got their electronic gift card. Her parents were the oblivious kind, and even though her relationship with her mom had improved, they were still them. After several minutes she decided it was time to get up. She went to the kitchen, brewed some tea and had cereal with milk as breakfast; once she finished she brushed her teeth and showered. When she was finally ready to go to campus she slung her messenger bag on her shoulder and left her place. She walked to the mailbox and there it was, the gift that she had been receiving without fault for the last 10 years. She took the small package and put it in her bag, when she had time she would open it.

 

Cosima walked to the park near campus, there she sat and took out from her bag the small package. She opened the card to read it: “Happy Birthday, Cosima, all the best, Ms. Fitz.” Cosima had no idea why Ms. Fitzsimmons sent her these presents, maybe she found out about what she did, and out of guilt, she sent her gifts. Cosima could only speculate; however, she was grateful, she would have to call Scott to see if he could deliver her thanks to her teacher. She removed the gift wrap from the small package to see what book she sent her this year. For some reason, Ms. Fitzsimmons sent every single year a children’s storybook about puppies; she had no clue why, since she never had a dog, but at least it kept her entertained.

 

“Woah, this is hella cute.” Cosima couldn’t help but smile at her gift, Ms. Fitz just sent her _A Dog Came, Too_. A true story about a dog that followed Alexander McKenzie in his voyage from Canada to the Pacific Ocean. “Canada? Jesus, Ms. Fitz, where do you find these books?” Cosima peeked through the pages, she was excited to read this new addition to her puppy collection of books. She was about to start reading when a familiar voice interrupted her.

“Bonjour, Cosima, how are you today?” Danielle came walking in her direction to greet her.

“Hey, Danielle.” Cosima put the book inside her bag quickly, for some reason she felt very protective of the books Ms. Fitz sent her. “I’m good, hella good now that you’re around.” Cosima grinned.

Danielle sat down beside Cosima, she took Cosima’s hands in hers and dropped a feathery kiss over her knuckles.

“Joyeux anniversaire, Cosima. I would like to invite you to dinner to celebrate, if you are not busy, of course.”

“I would love to, but isn’t that against our student-TA policy or some shit?” Cosima offered a playful smile.

“Hey, I asked you to dinner, Ms. Niehaus. Unless of course, there is something special for dessert,” Danielle replied, her flirtatious smile matching Cosima´s sass.

“Hmm, we might have to wait and see, Professor.” Cosima teased, a promise of a wonderful night resonated in her words.

“I’ll pick you up at 8 if it’s okay with you.” Danielle stood up to go to class.

“Perfect, see you tonight.” Danielle nodded and Cosima waved goodbye to Danielle. Cosima now could only hope that she didn’t take her to a French cuisine restaurant. Not that she disliked it, but last time she ate French, the sexiest magical unicorn cooked for her, and that was her most wonderful memory of that woman, a memory that she had to bury deep inside her to the point of avoiding eating French food. She stood up and went to her classes for the day.

 

Once Cosima got back home, she played online with Scott while she waited for Danielle to come pick her up. “Dude, heal me up,” Cosima spoke through her headset, she pressed her keyboard in a fast motion, trying to surround the enemies they were killing.

“Cosima, why did you aggro all those NPC’s, you moron!?” Scott retorted through her speakers.

“Shut up and keep healing me, Scotty, I almost got them.” She kept pressing various keys until she finally got rid of all the enemies. “See? I told you I had this.” Cosima moved her character to a safe zone with Scott running behind her. She checked the clock; she had a couple more minutes before she had to start changing into something more suitable for her dinner with Danielle.

“Hey, man, have you seen Ms. Fitzsimmons lately?” Cosima teleported to a new location, she needed to buy supplies.

“Dude, haven’t you heard? She is hella sick,” Scott announced.

“What? No, I had no idea, what happened?” Cosima stopped playing, completely startled by the news.

“I don’t know, dude. Last I heard, Ms. Fitzsimmons stopped teaching like a month ago and is in a hospital now.” Scott explained what he knew about the swimming coach and Government teacher. Cosima listened with attention, and now that she knew how sick Ms. Fitzsimmons was, there was more reason she wanted to thank her for the books.

“Woah, that sucks, man. The semester ends in three more months, then I’ll go visit her, so let me know how she is, dude. Now I gotta go. Talk to you later.”

“Yeah, have a happy birthday, Cosima. Bye.”

 

Cosima disconnected and went to her bed, where she grabbed the book Ms. Fitz sent from her bag. She was sick, but she still had time to buy her a book. Cosima sighed. She really wasn’t sure why she did this, but the least she could do was go to visit her as soon as possible. She sat on her bed and started to read the story; she was enjoying the development of the adventures of the dog when someone knocked on her door. Cosima checked the clock on her wall.

“Oh shit.” She did it again, she was late.

She went to open the door quickly.

“Hi, Cosima; oh, am I early?” Danielle walked into her apartment.

“No no, you’re fine, I am late, again. Sorry, just gimme a minute.” Cosima went to her bedroom to change and fix her hair as fast as possible; however, when she came out, she found Danielle checking a couple of her things on her desk, and when she grabbed _Endless Forms Most Beautiful_ , she was about to open the book when Cosima reacted and snatched the book from her hands. “Don’t touch it!” she growled in a voice that was pure anger.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to touch your things, I just-“ Danielle was a bit surprised, speechless; Cosima had never acted like this. Cosima was angry, she hadn’t been aware of how possessive she was of that book simply because it was the last thing she kept from that woman, a memory of the best birthday she ever had, a memory that was only hers.

Danielle saw a new side of Cosima: her tense features, the furrowed brow, the ragged breaths; she was like a cornered animal, so she needed to be careful with her. “Cosima?” Danielle called her name, trying to bring her lovely girl back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cosnielle is getting some hot time while Delphy gets an unexpected encounter. As always your comments are highly valued.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude, Danielle, it’s just that it was a gift, and I, um, I’m sorry.” Cosima put the book away in a safe place and offered apologies again to Danielle.

“Non, I should have asked permission to touch your things.” Danielle smiled in apology. Cosima felt terrible for being such a bitch to her. “Don’t worry; let’s go, then.” Cosima opened the door for Danielle and she followed.

 

Danielle took her to a nice Italian restaurant; _thank god it wasn’t French,_ where Danielle bought an exquisite bottle of red wine. They each made their orders, and while they waited, they drank the delicious wine and chatted about their daily lives. Danielle was stunning, and her brown eyes were so vivid, so happy and full of life. Her gorgeous curls were tamed in a ponytail, which was a shame; Cosima would have given everything to entangle her fingers in that mane of curls; and when she smiled, it was like the brightest morning. Danielle Fournier had seeped into her heart bit by bit, the attraction was there, they were flirty towards one another, so the only thing that remained was to act upon those feelings, and yet, what was stopping her?

“The stupidest thing I ever did was to use LSD. I was so far away that I slept with the enemy,” Cosima confessed. She took a sip of the wine and awaited Danielle’s response.

Danielle pondered for a minute what to ask next.

“Wait, are you serious, did you sleep with your enemy? Never crossed my mind that you would have enemies.”

“Yeah, Posh Spice. That woman was my high school nemesis. I truly fucked up,” Cosima admitted. After all, she wanted to be honest, particularly after she almost ripped Danielle’s head off for touching her most precious book.

“I almost killed my best friend.” Danielle said absentmindedly. “I was an idiot, I accepted a dare and rode a bike in a dangerous zone; she tried to stop me, she didn’t let me go alone,  so together we rode into the abandoned construction site. It was raining and dark, and she told me to slow down, and I crashed, and she got the worst part.” Danielle said with so much sadness, “She didn’t hate me for that, not after she spent like three whole weeks in the hospital because of me.” Danielle drank the rest of her glass of wine and poured more.

“Woah, I’m sorry. That definitely wins as shittiest story, Danielle.” Cosima put her hand over Danielle’s instinctively.

A small smile formed on Danielle’s lips. “I guess I have been a shitty friend, and that’s why I love her so much. She has given me her unconditional friendship no matter what stupid thing I did in the past. I would give my life for her; I owe her so much.”

“Man, that is so rad, having friends like that.”

 

 

The food was finally brought to the table, and the topic of conversation changed to something livelier; Cosima and Danielle shared funny stories, embarrassing ones as well, and the laughs from their table were heard through the entire restaurant, so that they had to contain the laughter a bit. It had been so long since Cosima shared personal stuff, the kind that allows the other person to get to know you, to give a piece of your past to that person and be vulnerable with them, to have fun with them. The way Danielle leaned her head to listen to her ramble was the most adorable; she paid attention to her and only to her, it was like she was suddenly the whole world of Danielle Fournier, and that made her feel so good. She was comfortable with her, and these butterflies in her stomach made her feel goosebumps, the sheer excitement of developing feelings for someone else was beautiful; this was a budding love.

 

Once they finished their meals, they kept drinking the remnants of the bottle of wine until it was very late. The conversation was so easy, there was never a moment when they ran out of topics to discuss; Cosima had found someone like her in Danielle, someone who marveled at the world and who had an incredible mind and a huge heart.

“I’m being serious, I was completely naked outside of the campus, it was past midnight and I ran looking through the empty halls for my dorm room, but I was completely wasted, too, so I ended up in the wrong place.”

Cosima gasped. “No way!” she exclaimed. Danielle kept telling her story, “Yes, I entered, and when I called for my friend, mon Dieu, what a disaster. The other girl, whom I met in the library the day before, was in there. I was freezing my butt, but she was actually very nice to me,” Danielle said with a bit of nostalgia. Cosima noticed how the words lingered a bit more in her mouth.

“Well, if you appeared naked in my room past midnight, I probs would have offered to cuddle with you, though.” Cosima’s smile was mischievous; she raised her eyebrows playfully, making Danielle laugh.

“I wouldn’t have minded, either.” Danielle kept laughing, a bit of pink rising on her cheeks. “Anyway, that’s one of my other crazy adventures. I have plenty more, but that involves sharing too many details of my best friend and that would be low if she’s not here to defend herself.”

Cosima shrugged. “Alright, I won’t push for more juicy info, but one day I want to know more about the incredible French duo.”

 

 

Danielle returned Cosima back home and walked her to her door; she was such a lady, a great companion, and hot as hell. Cosima couldn’t ask in that moment for better company. Well, there was someone who was always in the deepest parts of her mind.

_STOP!_

“I hope you had a pleasant birthday, Cosima. I bought you this.” Danielle offered her a small box wrapped in colorful paper.

“Woah, you already did enough inviting me to dinner, this was not necessary, Danielle.” Cosima was grinning, the attention she was getting was more than she asked for, and Danielle was doing a great job at being the sweetest and cutest person in this place.

“It is my pleasure, I do it with love.” Danielle kept looking at her like she was the most unique gift in the whole world, and that made Cosima’s heart skip a beat, reminding her just how that woman looked at her in the morning.

_DON’T BE STUPID._

Cosima focused back on Danielle, smiled, and next she removed the giftwrap and opened the box.

“Wow, this is beautiful.” Cosima stared at the gorgeous bracelet that the French woman just gave her, it was simple but pretty. Cosima hugged Danielle tightly, pouring her gratitude towards this wonderful woman.

“Thanks, it’s perfect.”

Danielle cupped her cheek softly.

“You are so damn pretty when you smile. Please keep smiling, Cosima, that is the best gift you can provide to the world. Smile.” Danielle caressed Cosima’s cheek and then let her go, the absence of her warm hand elicited a protest from her body.

 

“You make me smile, Danielle, you have no idea how much I owe you.” Cosima knew that Danielle was a woman of her word, she was never going to cross the line that she traced, instead Cosima took one step forward, she leaned in and tilted her head back a bit to reach Danielle’s lips. She tasted of wine and strawberries, her lips were so damn soft she wanted to explore them more, but she broke the kiss.

Danielle’s lips curved, “I thought we were going to wait after the end of the semester to explore this, you know?”

“I have never been good at following the rules.” A cheeky smile spread on Cosima’s face. Danielle was grinning now; she reached for Cosima and pulled her to kiss her deeply. Cosima tasted more of Danielle, her tongue exploring her mouth, her hands feeling her long curls, and oh how soft they were. Danielle was so damn sweet and gentle; yes, she could totally fall for this woman.

Danielle broke the kiss this time, gasping for breath. “I better get back home. This is getting pretty hot, and I’m not sure I have more willpower, Niehaus, so, see you tomorrow in class?” Danielle arched her brow.

“Yes, of course, Professor Fournier.” Cosima pecked Danielle’s lips once more and then went back inside her flat with a total happiness she never thought she was going to feel again.

 

Cosima was beaming; she couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss, how soft Danielle’s lips were, how warm she was. Yes, she could fall for Danielle Fournier, she wanted to fall for her, but was she going to be able to erase the remnants of that other woman?

Cosima sat on her bed once she had showered and put on her PJ’s, then she read the tale of the dog before going to sleep. She couldn’t believe that the dog followed the explorer all the way. That was hella cool; if only her puppy had stayed with her. “Goddammit, Cosima! Stop thinking about her. You just kissed another woman who deserves 100% of your attention, don’t let her take this away from you. She already took your heart, what else are you going to let that woman take?” Cosima threw the book away, she was pissed and hurt and so conflicted. She crossed her arms and frowned; minutes later she realized she was acting like a child. The book had nothing to do with that woman, it was a gift from Ms. Fitz. She stood up and picked up the book. She sighed, “I’m stupid.” This had nothing to do with her, and yet, everything was about her. It was ridiculous, even when she managed to stop thinking about her, her memories resurfaced at the worst times.

 

Why couldn’t she erase her completely once and for all? It had been 10 years and she still remembered what they had, the way she looked at her, the shape of her long legs. She had memorized each freckle on her back and the taste of her, _fuck._ Cosima tried so hard to let go, but there was also a small part of her that wanted to keep that woman within her, and she hated that. Danielle was so damn perfect; she cared for her and was so sweet and lovely. She had to focus on the present and take what Danielle offered her; she was going to do her best to forget once and for all that woman who broke her heart. Cosima went back to bed and turned off the lamp in the hopes of dreaming about Danielle.

__________

“Pack your things, Dr. Cormier.” Rachel came into the lab, walking like the badass bitch she was.

“Pardon? What do you mean?” Delphine raised her gaze from the microscope. She squeezed her eyes shut for a second to clear her tired eyesight, then faced Rachel.

“We have a conference to attend in Los Angeles, so who is better to explain our achievements than our interim director?” Rachel walked to her work station and left the plane ticket, the itinerary and hotel information.

Delphine took a look at the flight info.

“This is for tomorrow? I still have to work on the stem cell project.”

Rachel walked slowly, her fingers tracing the edge of the desk, eyes sharp.

“Dr. Cormier, you will need to delegate the research; you are now an important element, and the world needs to know that our woman in charge is very capable of managing such important projects,” Rachel purred; she was like a wolf cornering prey. “Be ready, Martin will pick you up.” Rachel walked away and left Delphine stupefied with no more option than to leave her research in hands of the rest of the team while she was away.

 

 

The trip to Los Angeles was a bit tiresome, but Delphine was now so used to being without sleep that her body moved on its own. Rachel was staying in the suite, while Delphine was in a simpler room; not because Rachel hadn’t offered a fancier room, Delphine preferred simplicity over commodities. Once she had all her things unpacked, she made a call to her wonderful friend Jennifer.

“Alló? Jennifer?” Delphine asked as soon as she heard a voice on the other line of the phone.

“Delphine? What a surprise. Good to hear a friendly voice, I’m feeling really crappy now.”

“I’m in Los Angeles, as soon as I’m done with my business here, I want to stop by and see you. To collect some samples as well.” Delphine was taking notes in her iPad, she was glad to be close to Jennifer, and she needed to check her previous report to compare notes.

“That is wonderful. I can’t wait to see you, Frenchie.” Danielle was coughing now, the fit lasted several minutes, the raspiness in her voice showed how sick she was getting. “Thank you, Delphine.”

Delphine was worried for Jennifer, she was stuck on her research and Jennifer was getting worse; however, Jennifer kept supporting her, even when she was not helping at all.

“It’s nothing, take care.” Delphine concluded the call and went to rest, the conference she and Rachel were going to attend was later that night, and she needed to be ready to answer all possible questions of scientists and investors; she had to prove her worth, because that was the only thing she had left.

 

 

Rachel and Delphine were taken to the hotel were the conference of biotechnology was going to be held, and as usual, Rachel was all cold business, wearing a killer suit to fight the big corporate sharks. Delphine had a simpler dress, and she wore her black jacket over it. Once the driver opened up the limo door, the two women were escorted to the main room, where Rachel greeted several men with a smile on her face, a smile that was cold and ready to do business. Delphine simply smiled politely and shook hands when Rachel introduced her. The first round of the conference began, and so Delphine sat over an hour hearing several ideas that had some potential. She took notes, and then she was going to share her opinion with Rachel. Once the conferences were over, Rachel and Delphine went to the area where small catering was being offered; there, Rachel continued marking her position as a top businesswoman, making sure that everybody knew who was the one calling the shots. Delphine spoke with several guests, and she discussed various topics that provided her new ideas to pursue.

“Excuse me, Dr. Cormier. Come with me, please.” Rachel interrupted her conversation and guided her to the other side of the room; the two women were moving across the sea of bodies when Rachel was stopped by an attendee who seemed quite familiar to Delphine.

“Rachel?” The young businesswoman stopped in her tracks and turned to face the person who called her name.

“Oh, but what a pleasant surprise, it’s so good to see you.” Rachel air kissed the woman, and then it hit Delphine.

“You do remember Dr. Cormier, Mrs. Niehaus?”

Yes, she was not mistaken, it was Cosima’s mother.


	9. Chapter 9

Delphine was frozen in place, and the other woman recognized her as well. She had clearly gotten older since the last time she saw her, now she had wrinkles around her eyes and there were grey hairs in her scalp.

“Dr. Cormier is our interim director, Mrs. Niehaus. With her vision we are developing new technologies, and I think that your project could be greatly benefited with her input as head of the Dyad Institute.” Rachel was smiling, like she was enjoying this a bit too much. It was clearly awkward between Delphine and Mrs. Niehaus, but for Rachel everything was a game, a clear stage game where the only winner was her.

“Dr. Cormier? That’s a very interesting choice, Rachel.” Mrs. Niehaus eyed Delphine, her probing stare looking Delphine head to toe.

“It is indeed, please discuss the science while I get a martini, my throat is suddenly dry.” Rachel left the two women alone.

 

“It’s been quite some time, Dr. Cormier.” Mrs. Niehaus broke in.

“How is she?” Delphine couldn’t help it, she was desperate to know about her, and now she had the most reliable source, her mother.

“She’s very well. She overcame the sadness. Cosima suffered a lot, which I had to say was surprising, I never thought that my little girl was really in love with you, but she was.” Mrs. Niehaus revealed, measuring Delphine’s reaction to the facts.

“I gave you my word, Mrs. Niehaus, a sacrifice I fulfilled. And I have paid dearly all these years without her.” Delphine was being honest as well. That was the least she could do.

“So, Mrs. Niehaus, hopefully Dr. Cormier convinced you to develop your phytotechnology project with us.” Rachel came back with martini in hand; she put the olive in her mouth, chewed it and smiled.

Delphine couldn’t tell Rachel that the conversation had nothing to do with business, so she came up with something else.

“Oui, like I said Dr. Niehaus, I’m ready to move on and start a new association. Please, think about it.” Delphine offered the older woman her business card and excused herself.

“I’ll think about it, Dr. Cormier.” Mrs. Niehaus replied, following Delphine’s thread.

“We have all the resources at your disposal, Mrs. Niehaus, whenever you’re ready. The offer extends to your daughter to join the Dyad Institute as well.” Rachel said her goodbyes and walked away.

 

Delphine waited for Rachel until she was ready to go and the two of them went back to their hotel; however, Delphine wasn’t in the mood to talk, yet Rachel loved to add salt to the wound.

“It seems that the past is left behind, it would be marvelous if you could add to our lineup of projects what Dr. Niehaus is doing.” Rachel was reading her schedule on her tablet.

“C’est vrai, she is doing wonderful work, but the company goal right now is the new stem cell line, and I think we should focus on that.” Delphine felt raw on the inside, it was like the wound that she thought was closed had opened again.

“Hmmm, that’s right. But who knows, we could expand anytime, Dr. Cormier. Fantastic work tonight.”

 

 

 

Delphine made a quick stop in San Francisco before going back to Toronto, she had promised to Jennifer that she was going to visit her, and so she did. However, the person she met was definitely not the one she befriended ten years ago. Jennifer was so pale, connected to all those machines, Delphine’s heart clenched.

Delphine greeted her with a tender hug. “it’s so good to see you, Jennifer,” Delphine smiled to the teacher.

“You look so much better in person, Frenchie. I missed you, too.” Jennifer’s voice was raspy, she was resting on the bed of the hospital, wearing a blue camisole, and on her head there was a bandana that covered her hair loss from the radiotherapy.

Delphine scooted close to her and remained there, offering her warmth. She leaned into Jennifer and talked with her. She read the medical chart and at least her vitals were stable, but it was clear she was weakening more and more, the stem cell had to be a perfect match to Jennifer in order to help her, and Delphine was having difficulties working the genetic code.

“Why don’t you go look for her, Delphine?” Jennifer asked, “I mean, look at me, I’m getting sicker, I can’t keep anything down, I can’t breathe, I’m coughing up pus. Life is too short for that shit, Delphine.”

“Jennifer, I—“ Delphine couldn’t say a word. She was right, she was being an idiot, but it was too late for her, the only thing she could do was help Jennifer.

“Frenchie, don’t lie to me, I know how bad it is. You can’t fix me.” Jennifer was at her limit, she was running out of time and she knew it.

“Jenn, please be strong. I will find a way, I will try anything, don’t despair.” Delphine held her hands, offering warmth and trying to give her the hope she needed.

“You are a total idiot. Look for her and apologize already, you won’t be happy if you don’t forgive yourself.” Jennifer started to cough. Delphine handed her the tissues, and Jennifer stained them with red.

“If I can relocate you to one of our hospitals in Toronto I might be able to offer better care, Jenn. I will speak with the medical team, what do you say?” Delphine had to try anything.

Jennifer shook her head. “This is where I belong, I don’t want to be away from home when the time comes.”

Yes, the time to die; Delphine wouldn’t want to be away from her home if she was in the same position, and her home was Cosima.

Delphine sighed, “Okay, I’ll take the samples and I’ll work on this. I will find a cure, Jennifer. You have my word.” Delphine kissed her pale cheek and went away.

Jennifer knew that the only way she could bring Delphine to face her past was with her death, and she was going to make sure that at least she could do that to thank this wonderful woman, Delphine Cormier.

________

The next couple weeks flowed with normality, Cosima went to classes and Danielle simply was there assisting Prof. Wilson. The few times they encountered each other they talked for a while and went on with their lives. Cosima wasn’t sure who was avoiding who, but they kept most of the time to themselves. Was Cosima now backing off after sharing that kiss with Danielle? Or was Danielle being the sense of reason by keeping her distance from Cosima and keeping her word while the semester concluded? Cosima had no idea, but for now Danielle was being reserved and careful with her approaches to Cosima.

 

Cosima went that day to the library, and there she found Danielle, who was concentratedly taking notes from a book. Cosima went to her table to do what she came to do, but once in a while she stole a look in Danielle’s direction. She wanted to talk to her, to make sure everything was fine, so she put the books back in their place and went to meet Danielle.

“Hey, Danielle,” Cosima whispered; when Danielle looked at her, she smiled.

“Bonjour, Cosima. Sit down, please.” Danielle invited her to her table and she put the book she was using aside to pay attention to her.

“How are you? I mean, I know you’re okay, um, I’m asking about us.” Cosima spoke in her lowest tone to avoid pestering other students.

“I like you Cosima, a lot, and it’s scary how attracted I am to you, you know? I want to make this right.” Danielle grabbed her hand and held it between her soft hands.

“Okay? What are you saying? Do you wanna be friends? Friends with benefits? Keep it prof—“

Danielle shut her up with a kiss, and god how soft it was, she missed those lips on hers. Danielle pulled apart, breaking the contact.

“I want to be with you, I really do. We need to talk somewhere else though; the library is not the best place.” Danielle caressed Cosima’s palm with her thumb, sending tiny sparks into her skin, always with a kindness that destroyed Cosima’s walls bit by bit.

“All right, let’s go to dinner. I’ll invite you this time, cool?” Cosima asked, lopsided smile on her face.

Danielle chuckled, she loved that confidence Cosima had. “Very well, text me the details.” Danielle wrote her phone number on Cosima’s hand. “See you later, then.” Danielle grabbed the book she was using, getting ready to get back to work, but right before Cosima left, she planted another kiss on Danielle’s lips, and then she returned to do her own research.

 

 

 

The night was beautiful, the sky was clear and there was a marvelous moon above; Cosima invited Danielle to a small Italian restaurant, where of course, Cosima ordered pizza. The two of them fooled around for some time, but it was inevitable to bring the real conversation to the front.

“So, I think we need to clear up a couple of things.” Cosima bit a slice of her pepperoni with extra cheese pizza.

“Yes, we need to. I want to be clear with this. I like you, Cosima, in the sense that I am very attracted to you.” Danielle drank her beer and continued, “I am desperate to be with you, to kiss you, to hold your hand, but I have to be weary. I tend to throw myself into relationships headfirst, without thinking of the consequences. I want to make this right.” Danielle was being honest, but there was something else that Cosima sensed Danielle was holding back from her, but she was entitled to keep her secrets just as she had her own.

“Yeah, makes sense. I would like to take this slow, too, but the attraction is both ways, just so you know.” Cosima smiled, caressing Danielle’s hand.

“I think it’s wise to get to know each other, and then we will see if this can grow beyond a simple physical attraction.” Danielle entangled her fingers with Cosima’s, smile on her face, eyes glowing with excitement. “I want to ask you out, officially, on a date.” The sweet voice of the French woman came out as shy, her eyelids fluttered, expectantly. Cosima almost choked on her pizza slice, she drank her Coke and then she replied,

“A date? Like a real date? Not university-related?” Cosima raised her eyebrows.

“Oui, a real date, no worries about the class. It’s just two girls getting to know each other.” Danielle gave Cosima a reassuring smile.

“Awesome, then I say we go to the movies, you choose the film.” Yeah, better allow Danielle to pick the movie, if she chose a movie it was going to be about superheroes, and maybe it was better to introduce Danielle to her geek world slowly.

“I would love that, movies it is. Let’s go next weekend, I think my schedule will be clear.” Danielle reviewed her agenda, and nodded. “Yes, it works for me, what about you?”

“I’m game.” Cosima took a long sip of her Coke; Danielle was making her sweat with such cuteness. Danielle smiled and finished eating her pizza slice. The more they talked, the more they shared bits and facts of their personal lives. After all, it was important to get to know each other if they really wanted to build something real, something beyond hot looks: a relationship that could last. _Yes,_ Cosima thought, she could totally fall in love with Danielle Fournier.

 

Well, they did try to take it slow; however, it was impossible to stop kissing passionately when Danielle took Cosima back to her place. Danielle embraced Cosima, kissing her softly; Cosima responded eagerly, savoring the taste of pepperoni and beer from Danielle’s mouth and reveling in the smell of her sweet perfume. She kissed her jawline, and then she moved to the crook of her neck, nipping at skin, hearing the ragged breaths of Danielle, the way her hands were steady on her hips, strong and safe. Cosima claimed her mouth, while her hands traveled along her back, kissing her deeply, making it last for as long as she could, enjoying this woman who cared for her, who wanted to make things right, who made her feel important; and yet, there was something nagging Cosima in the back of her mind, something was off. The way it played in her head was always different, in her mind she was standing on the tip of her toes, trying to reach her, trying to kiss her gorgeous lips, entangling her hand in soft blonde curls and never letting go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday to the Anon from last night. This chapter is for you. Have a wonderful day xx

The week flew by, and in the blink of an eye, Danielle and Cosima were at the movie theatre watching a comedy that was making Cosima’s stomach hurt by the amount of laughter it caused. The two of them were having such a good time, holding hands during the movie and cackling at the hilarity that ensued in the film. After the credits rolled, they both went out for a walk, hand in hand.

“That was really insane,” Cosima commented. She shared her thoughts of the movie and the ridiculousness of the situation.

“I agree, that was completely unbelievable, you’d have to be the unluckiest bastard to go through all of that,” Danielle added.

“I have to admit, it was really fun, but I prefer Sci-Fi and superhero movies.”

“That was kind of expected, you are such a big nerd, Cosima,” Danielle quipped. Cosima grinned, flashing those fangy teeth; the way her tongue poked between those teeth was quite attractive for Danielle. Danielle pulled Cosima closer to her, leaned down and kissed her. Cosima let Danielle take the lead, allowing her to explore her, to feel her, to get to know what she liked and disliked.

“This was a very fun date. Merci, Cosima.” Danielle was looking into her eyes, she was serious about this, she wanted to show her how much it meant for her to be here, together.

“Yeah, it was fun. I guess this deserves a second date?” Cosima played with Danielle’s fingers entwining her hands like she did with— _her._

Cosima released Danielle’s hand as smooth as possible, she was trying to avoid mixing her memories and yet, the ghost of that woman came back to remind her that she had been a stupid kid.

“I guess we can make this a weekly thing? I don’t want to disturb your regular schedule with labs and research, and I have plenty of work, too. What do you say we go out next weekend?”

“Yeah. Cool. I guess we’ll see each other next weekend, then.” It was all settled, they were going to keep seeing each other every weekend until the semester was over, and then move to bigger things.

 

 

 

Cosima spent the next couple of weeks dating Danielle, the two of them went to different restaurants, or walking to the park, they even bought tickets to the Twins game against the Giants, and oh Cosima had never cheered more in her life for her home team. The time they spent together was valuable, cherished, and Cosima was feeling more and more comfortable with Danielle, she was thinking about her curls at night, about the taste of her lips, and that was good. Thinking about Danielle was hella good.

 

Tomorrow Cosima was going on date number four with Danielle, but for now she had to pay attention to her classes. The day was kind of slow, and the movement from class to class was boring as hell. The excitement came when Danielle entered the auditorium and announced that Prof. Wilson had to take charge of another project, and she was going to conclude the remaining classes, which kind of made it a conflict of interest, now that they were dating, but it was nothing that she hadn’t done before, wasn’t it? Yes, she knew about forbidden relationships very well.

The class suddenly turned more interesting with Danielle in charge, which was always a breath of fresh air. That woman knew how to make all the students interact, analyze interesting papers, and share their opinions in the most wonderful and assertive manner. Cosima interacted today more than ever in the discussions, waving her hands in that particular way of hers, offering new questions to be argued and answers that left several nodding in approval of her brilliance. Once the class was over, Cosima went to talk to Danielle, she needed to know that things were still going on as planned, that this was not going to stop them from seeing each other.

“Professor Fournier, may I speak with you for a second?” Cosima smiled.

“Of course.” Danielle kept putting inside her briefcase the books and notes.

“How does this leave us? Are we still gonna go out?” Cosima leaned casually on the desk, enjoying the view of Danielle’s rear that was picking some cables from the floor. Once she put everything in her bag, she faced Cosima with a sweet smile.

“Yes, we are going out, unless you prefer to cancel,” Danielle remarked.

“No no, not at all, just checking.”

“Perfect, then my evil plan to conquer you is still in progress.” Danielle waggled her eyebrows, making Cosima burst into laughter.

“I can’t wait to see what terrific plan you have up your sleeve.” Cosima waved goodbye, and walked to her next classes for the day.

___________

Danielle kept staring at Cosima until she disappeared from her view; her heartbeat was getting back to normal. The sensations that woman provoked in her were nice, it had been a while since she felt like this, and yet, she didn’t want to risk another heartbreak.

Danielle returned to her apartment to grade some papers now that Prof. Wilson left her in charge of the remaining classes, and then she could finish writing her thesis, which had to be reviewed in a couple of weeks to finally present her dissertation. The only thing that remained was what to do after she obtained her PhD. The plan was to return back home, she had accomplished all she came to do here in the US, to study and prepare herself, but she met Cosima, and she liked Cosima very much. What to do?

_Del_

Of course, who could give her advice in this case better than her best friend in the world, the woman she dared to call sister when her mother kicked her out from her house in high school, the woman who helped her study late when she had to pass the chemistry test in college, the woman who gave her a shoulder to cry on when that fucking rich girl broke her heart.

She connected to Skype and saw that Del was online, of course she was online, she spent most of her time in that damn lab working on that project that was consuming her. She opened the chat window and typed her message:

Dani Fournier: _Hey Del, you there??_

Danielle waited for a response, she minimized the window and worked a bit, passing the grades into the system, when a bleep alerted her of Delphine’s response.

Delphine Cormier: _Bonjour Dani, ça va?_

Dani Fournier: _ça va bien, et tu???_

Delphine Cormier: _Bien, a bit tired but good._

Danielle pressed the video call button and waited until Delphine answered. There she was, the familiar face, the majestic blonde curls, the—

“MERDE, you look terrible, Del!” Danielle had to get closer to the screen to make sure she was seeing correctly. “You look seriously ill.”

“It’s nothing, Danielle, I’m just tired,” Delphine replied with a small smile, which Danielle recognized as completely fake, she knew Delphine so damn well.

“Liar. I swear, Delphine, I’m going to take the next plane to Canada and drag you to bed. You look like shit. When was the last time you ate real food? You look so thin.” Danielle was worried, and with reason; that was not her friend.

“I will sleep when I fix this damn genetic code, but you didn’t call to talk about me. What is it, Dani?” Delphine as usual turned the tables on her, and now she was back in the spotlight.

Danielle took a deep breath, before telling Delphine what was going on with her. She thought that maybe Delphine was going to be pissed at her for doing the idiotic think she said she wasn’t going to do.

“I think I’m falling in love, Del.” There it was, the truth she really was afraid to admit. Delphine blinked several times, likewise assimilating this new information.

“Oh, really? Is it the girl you met, the student?” Delphine frowned, meditating deeply on what Danielle was telling.

“Yes, I like her very much, Del, and she is cute and intelligent. I’m conflicted.”

“Weren’t you waiting until the end of the semester? I mean, I’m not one to talk about this, but, is it serious?”

Danielle laughed, “Yes, you are not one to talk. Mon Dieu, I swear you beat me on that one, Del. Who would have ever thought that you were the one who almost ended up in jail for real.”

“I don’t want to talk about that, Danielle, it’s not funny at all. I almost got branded as a sex offender, do you realize how messed up that was!?” Delphine was right, she had made a terrible comment.

“Sorry, you are right. Still, I wish I had been there for you, maybe to put some sense into you.”

“That was impossible, nothing in the world could have stopped me from falling in love with that girl. But we’re talking about you.” Delphine always kept most of her illegal adventures under wraps; Danielle just knew the basics of the story, Delphine was pretty reserved with that information.

“Right; I think I’m in love and I don’t know what to do. I will be done with my studies pretty soon, and then I’m supposed to go back to Paris, but I want to explore this, to see where this takes me.” Danielle leaned on her chair, giving some more thought to what to say.

“Does this student of yours, like you? Are you sure it’s about you and not anything else?” Delphine had to ask the question, after all, she knew what happened in college; she’d had to pick up her pieces and deal with her sadness for several months, and then Delphine flew to the United States.

“I’m positive it’s about me, Del, I don’t think she is unsure of her sexuality and is satisfying her curiosity with me. She isn’t rich, and there are no paparazzi following her wherever she goes to see if she is gay or not, and I don’t think she is the daughter of a mobster, and she is—“

“ENOUGH!!! It’s not her. Don’t do that, Danielle. Don’t go back there, please. Look, if she makes you happy, go for it. It might work, maybe, so give it a shot.” Delphine raised her hand, Danielle raised hers as well and touched the screen. That was their virtual high five, which immediately brought a smile to both their faces.

“I love you, Del, what would I do without you? Now please, go get some food and sleep, I beg you.”

Delphine nodded, “I will.”

 

Danielle concluded the Skype call. She felt more confident now after speaking with Delphine; however, the memories were back. She hated when this happened. Danielle was bitter for a long time, and angry; she did really stupid things to deal with the pain. It had been a dark time for her, and Delphine helped her to put her shit together and move on. She owed Delphine that much: her sanity, her well-being, everything; her friend, her sister, her family.

But could she trust this darkness with Cosima? Would Cosima still care for her if she knew that behind her smile there was so much hate and anger wrapped within her soul? Danielle was not ready to share this with anyone else, only Delphine knew how bad it had been for her, how she stupidly threw herself into that bitch’s arms, trusting that she loved her. She really thought she was the one. How naïve of her.

__________

Cosima was miraculously on time. She saw Danielle waiting for her, looking damn good in those tight jeans, how her curls moved with the breeze, and the sun for some reason made her eyes seem brighter.

“Hey,” Cosima greeted Danielle with a kiss on the cheek. “So what is the amazing plan you have for us today?”

“Don’t be impatient, let’s take a walk.” Danielle entangled her fingers with Cosima’s and led her around the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. They walked for a while, admiring the art and sharing their opinions about the different works they saw. Then Danielle took Cosima to a beautiful spot, where Danielle had already prepared a wonderful picnic.

“Oh man, did you cook all of this?” The amount of food was enough for the two of them, Cosima’s nostrils flared while inhaling the delicious smell.

“Non, I am a terrible cook, I leave that to Del. But I chose all of this personally, so yes, this is the closest this will get to be cooked by me.”

Cosima burst into laughter, smiling like a fool. “I really appreciate the honesty, Danielle. Let’s see if you have great taste, then.” Cosima took a bite of the brownie Danielle bought.

“Mhmm, this is…really…good.” Cosima ate the brownie quickly, then licked her fingers seductively.

“Hey, of course I have good taste, or why else do you think I’m here with you?” Danielle took Cosima’s hand and softly licked the remaining chocolate from her fingers. She kissed the palm of her hand, then her wrist where she had the nautilus tattoo, then her cheek. She cupped her face and, looking into her eyes, she said, “Cosima, would you like to be my girlfriend?”


	11. Chapter 11

Cosima was walking hand in hand with Danielle on campus, after all it was official, she was walking with her girlfriend. There were only six weeks left of the semester so they were going to keep this as private as possible; however, today was a special day, and Cosima had to accompany Danielle. She was going to present her dissertation for her thesis today, and Cosima wanted to be here for this incredible person that had been supporting her and being the friend she needed these last four months.

“Are you nervous?” Cosima faced Danielle and held both her hands, squeezing them a bit to offer her support.

“Just regular nerves, nothing that I can’t handle. Besides, I have you here with me, I think that gives me enough strength.” Danielle pulled Cosima closer and gave her a peck on her lips.

“Good, glad I could be of help.” Cosima was happy after such a long time, she really thought this was a dream. She kissed Danielle back to wish her luck and then she walked toward the auditorium to seat and wait for the presentation.

 

Cosima sat down in one of the upper rows, and waited. There were several University authorities and professors in the auditorium to listen to Danielle’s dissertation. This was so damn exciting; Cosima had to conclude her classes first, but she couldn’t wait to be in the same place as Danielle. She was very motivated to conclude her studies, and yet, the thought of going back home scared her. She had been dating Danielle for two weeks now, and it had been wonderful. She was smiling and feeling enthusiastic, but she feared that if she went back to San Francisco, she was going to relieve again those moments of total bliss with that woman. That was what scared her the most, the inevitable moment of facing her past once again. She knew she had been hiding in Minnesota for the last ten years, but now that she was just a couple of semesters away from getting her doctorate, she would have to go back home and face what she left for real. The few holidays she spent in San Fran were usually bittersweet, now imagining how she was going to be spending the rest of her life there, she knew she had to get over that fear. Maybe Danielle could join her during vacations and together they could build new memories in the place she loved the most, her home.

 

The voice of the dean interrupted her thoughts, as Danielle was introduced to the jury and she started her presentation. Danielle was very focused in her exposition; fluent and coherent in her speech, providing great insight into her study. Cosima had a huge respect for the woman. Besides, her project was very interesting, Cosima noted.

Danielle spoke with authority and a deep knowledge of what she was talking about. Cosima closed her eyes and in a second she was back in her back-row chair in high school, her eyes following the gorgeous biology teacher, her heart beating so fast it was ridiculous; how she fantasized about that woman; how many sleepless nights she had. Cosima opened her eyes and saw in front of her another woman who was not as tall as that teacher, a woman who was beautiful and who deserved to be loved with all she had.

Danielle answered the jury questions like a boss, providing great analysis and in-depth explanations. When she concluded, Cosima applauded, she was so delighted for Danielle and she was damn proud to be her girlfriend.

 

The jury gave her the highest grade and she finally earned her title. The jury congratulated Danielle, and then Cosima came down the stairs to do the same. Cosima jumped at Danielle and hugged her really tight.

“Congratulations, Dr. Fournier, you did an incredible job.” Cosima kissed her softly.

“Merci, Cosima, and thank you for being here with me.” Danielle was overjoyed with happiness.

Cosima laced her fingers with Danielle’s. “I want to invite you to dinner to celebrate, so prepare yourself, Danielle, you’re gonna taste the Niehaus hamburger special tonight!”

“Oh la la, I am very excited. Hmm, I can’t wait,” Danielle teased.

Danielle’s cellphone started to ring, she looked at the screen. “Oh, Canada. Great timing, dork. Alló?” Danielle answered the call.

“I have to run: classes. So see you tonight?” Cosima mouthed.

Danielle nodded in response to Cosima. “Oui, merci, Del.”

Cosima kissed her on the cheek and left Danielle speaking with her friend.

______

“I am so happy for you, Danielle; I wish I could be there to cheer you on.” Delphine was, as usual, working in the lab. Her stem cell project was finally showing some improvements, but nothing definitive to help Jennifer. “Oh, I guess then that makes up for it. Glad that your girlfriend is as supportive as I am. Delphine kept typing her latest report in her computer; after being appointed interim director she had to be on top of so many projects, but she was living the ultimate dream.

“Hope I can visit you soon. Yes, I will, take care, dear amie.” Delphine concluded the call, removed the Bluetooth headset and stood up from her chair, then she picked up several documents and went back to her office. She had been working all morning and was tired as hell, she was going to go and eat lunch in a restaurant or somewhere fancy; she deserved it, and like Danielle said, to celebrate on her behalf, that was the least she could do.

When Delphine got to her office, she sat on her comfortable director’s chair and made the call to the restaurant. “Hi, can you make a reservation for lunch. No, just me, so that’s one. Delphine Cormier, C-O-R-M-I-E-R. Thank you.” She concluded the call.

She checked her email to read the latest medical report from Jennifer. She clicked the file and started to read. The polyps had spread to her liver now, the treatment was not working. The lymphocyte count was still very high, her stem cell was being rejected by Jennifer.

 

“Dr. Cormier?” The posh accent demanded attention.

Delphine lifter her sight from her screen.

“Rachel, good morning. I was about to send the latest report on the development of the artificial skin tissue.” Delphine started to look through the stack of papers of said report.

“No, I didn’t come for that. I… I would like to discuss something.”

“Yes, of course.”

Rachel sat on the office couch and Delphine joined her. Delphine was a little surprised to see Rachel asking to talk with her, which was a first.

Rachel seemed thoughtful; it was like she was gathering her thoughts before daring to speak.

“How do you stop… feeling?” Rachel quavered.

Delphine frowned; this was not what she had in mind. “What do you mean?”

“Cosima. How did you erase her?” Rachel was serious, this was not a game.

“I, well, I didn’t. I couldn’t, not that I wanted to. I loved her, still do.”

“I see.” Rachel rose from the couch, ready to go, like this conversation never happened. She started to walk away when she stopped mid-track. She turned around. Delphine stood up as well, standing in front of the corporate woman.

“Where is the tramp?” Rachel uttered, voice cold, deadly; and yet there was a small hint of regret. Then she chuckled, “Forget it, I really don’t care. I will rip her out even if I have to force it.” And out of nowhere she crushed her lips against the taller woman’s.

It was a desperate, hungry kiss; Delphine was stone cold, she had no idea what the hell was going on, except that she kind of knew. Rachel bit her hard, making Delphine hiss in pain. Rachel split away from Delphine. “If only it was that easy.” Rachel smirked and walked out of the office.

 

“Merde.” Delphine was completely freaked out, Rachel Duncan was known to be a cold bitch, and yet, this weird encounter only proved that even without really wanting it, she did end up developing something for Sarah Manning. Rachel Duncan had feelings, deep feelings. “She is human, after all.”

And now thanks to that psycho, Delphine had her lip swollen, she looked in the mirror and tried to clean the small gash she had. Cosima would have never ever kissed her like that, her kisses were sweet, kind and so full of love. She traced her lips with her fingertips, remembering those few months of total magic. She was never going to be over Cosima Niehaus and yet, there was a part of her that wanted to let go; she wanted to share sweet kisses with someone in the morning, to cuddle at night, to do crazy science in the lab, all of those things.

If Danielle could rebuild her life after that shitty relationship she had, maybe there was a tiny chance for her. Maybe life would be benevolent and give her a second chance at love.

“Non, you belong to her, with her. Maybe Jennifer is right, I should look for her.” Delphine sighed, this was her day today, for thinking about a girl she hadn’t seen in 10 years, a girl whom she hurt badly. Her Cosima.

________

“I promise you, this is going to shred your tastebuds. This is a recipe that has run in the Niehaus family for a long while.” Cosima started to put all the ingredients to prepare dinner on the kitchen counter.

“Do you really think you can handle this, Cosima?” Danielle asked from the table.

“Hey, just because I don’t cook, like, a lot, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do this. Just watch me.” Cosima was already cutting and prepping for cooking.

“No, but really, Cosima, how ready are you to cook?” Danielle was laughing her ass off watching Cosima.

“Hella.” Cosima was so focused trying to make this the perfect date, she really was going to do her best, even when she wasn’t that good of a cook.

“Okay, if you need help just call me, I’ll be here drinking on my own.” Danielle poured herself wine while she watched Cosima do the cooking.

 

Cosima prepared the meat, and once she had it ready she put the patties on the small grill, then she quickly mixed the other ingredients in a bowl and heated them on the electrical stove to prepare the sauce. In the meantime, Danielle drank the delicious wine and observed the way those magical hands worked.

“Shit.” Cosima shook her hand, she had just cut her finger. Danielle came to her aid right away.

“Come here, you dork.” She took her hand and kissed her finger. “Let me finish the cooking for you.”

“I got this.” Cosima smiled and got back to work. Danielle kissed her temple and sat again, waiting for Cosima to finish.

Twenty minutes later Cosima concluded making the Niehaus hamburger recipe.

“Um, sorry it’s a bit overcooked.” Cosima put the plates on the table; Danielle held her hand and dropped a tiny kiss on her knuckles.

“What do we say to the cooking god?” Danielle asked playfully.

“Um, not today?” That brought a huge smile to Danielle’s face.

“You are such a geek.”

“Hey, I’m not the geek monkey for nothing.” Cosima took a bite of her hamburger.

“Hmmm, this is not bad, my pops can do this so much better, but this is really not bad.” Cosima reassured.

Danielle took a bite, she took her time chewing the hamburger, and then she took a glass of Coke. “I have to say this is good, the meat is not as tender, but I‘ll have to agree.”

Cosima was smiling, satisfied. “I mean, it’s not every day that I cook, so consider yourself lucky.”

 

The two of them kept eating and chatting, the day was lovely and enjoying each other’s company was enough for now, or was it?

Then they sat to watch TV on Cosima’s bed, they were sharing popcorn and drinks, and sometimes it was inevitable to graze each other’s arms. The body heat of Danielle reached Cosima, and she was so damn conscious of Danielle at her side, she couldn’t focus properly on the movie. Danielle had been really nice and a wonderful girlfriend, but Cosima knew that sooner rather than later she was going to have to decide to take this to the next level.

She turned her face to look at Danielle, admiring her profile, those long dark curls, that freckle on her cheek. She scooted closer to her, kissed her jaw then the earlobe, making Danielle chuckle.

“What are you doing, stay put, you dork.” Danielle grabbed more popcorn from the bucket, ignoring Cosima’s seductive attack.

She went for the neck, sucking it, nipping it, making Danielle fight for control.

_I can do this._

Cosima kept insisting, she had decided to do it with Danielle, she was going to erase once and for all _her_ ghost.

“You are playing with fire, you little shit.”

“Mhmm.” Cosima was at her collarbone, licking it and then dropping kiss after kiss.

 

“Oh crap.” Danielle turned around, cupped her face and kissed her. Just like Cosima wanted. Forgotten was the movie; Danielle kissed Cosima fiercely, with urgency, she pushed her against the mattress and once she was on top, she kissed her deeply. Hands over clothes hindering the skin on skin contact, Danielle stopped for a moment and removed her shirt, tossing it on the floor. Then she removed Cosima’s shirt and started to drop kisses over her lace bra.

_Oh fuck!_

Cosima arched her back to give Danielle better access, fisting Danielle’s curls and closing her eyes, letting the sensations take her far away.

Danielle kept going down; south of her belly button where she stopped to kiss her more, it took Danielle one second to get rid of Cosima’s pants, and when she moved between her legs and kissed her tights, that’s when she lost it.

 

“Oh god, Delphine,” Cosima’s husky voice came out like a soft whisper. Cosima opened her eyes in horror “—nium.” She added.

“What?” Danielle looked up.

“Um, _Delphinium elatum_ , it’s a hybrid. This plant can attract butterflies and, um, other pollinators.”

Danielle raised her eyebrows, “Are you serious? We are like, getting into it, and you are thinking about Delphiniums?” Danielle asked.

“Um yeah, like ooh, well you know, I got, ahm, I got carried away . Sorry.”

 _You are an idiot!!!_ She almost blew it.

Cosima was expecting Danielle to burst out in anger. After all, she was the one who teased her and made her make a move; however, Danielle started to laugh maniacally.

“This is a first for me.” Danielle kept laughing. “My girlfriend is thinking of flowers while I try to eat her out.” Danielle fell on the floor, still laughing, holding her stomach.

“Sorry, I lost my concentration for a sec there.” Cosima sat on the bed, ashamed. The real reason was worse, she was thinking about _that woman_ while Danielle was touching her, kissing her. She felt so dirty.

“Hey, it’s okay, I guess we are not going to do it anymore.” Danielle picked up her clothes and took a glance at her watch. “Damn, it’s pretty late. Better get back home, then.” Danielle gave a quick kiss to Cosima before leaving for the night.

Cosima closed the door and sighed, “I am so stupid.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, you are getting an extra chapter this week, thank so much for your input guys. I really appreciate it.
> 
> And I guess it's time to know a bit about Danielle's past. Enjoy!

Delphine kept working harder than ever those last two weeks. She was so damn close, she could feel it in her gut. She had managed the new sequence to at least diminish certain symptoms from Jennifer’s disease; still, she was far from a total recovery.

Delphine checked the clock on the wall; as usual, it was pretty late. She was falling asleep over the microscope and that was not good. She shut down her laptop and put everything inside her briefcase. She had to go back to her flat and she was hungry, but she was not going to have time to cook at this time, instead she went to a diner to have a quick fix.

 

Delphine arrived at a small diner near her office. Finding it mostly empty, she sat at a random table and ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and a Coke. While she waited she took out her work documents.

“Non, time to rest, Delphine.” She put the papers back in her briefcase, when she noticed across her table another woman in her 30’s, who was drinking beer and tapping her feet nervously. The waitress brought her sandwich and beverage.

“Merci.” Delphine started to eat and oh man, how hungry she was, she barely noticed time when she is working in the laboratory. She kept eating her sandwich, but her gaze moved to the other woman, who kept checking her watch. It looked like she was waiting for someone. The woman looked desperate, anxious, and impatient.

“Hey, um, excuse-moi.” When she caught the other girl’s attention, Delphine continued, “Hello, I’m having dinner by myself, would you like to join me?”

The other woman hesitated, took a last glance at her watch. “Sure, why not.”

She walked towards Delphine’s table and sat in front of her. “Thanks for the invite.”

“No problem, I’m Delphine.”

“Beth.” The woman shook hands amicably.

“I work near here, the Dyad Institute?” Delphine kept eating her sandwich, she was really hungry.

“Yeah, sure I have heard of it. You do science-y stuff, right?” Beth signalled for another beer.

“Oui, I just finished working and I was starving, so I came here. You work close?” Delphine took a long gulp of her Coke, it was so refreshing.

“Yeah, I’m a cop. But I came here for another thing entirely.” said Beth, taking the bottle that the waitress brought to her and drinking from it right away.

“A date maybe?” Delphine guessed, and by the other woman’s expression she knew she hit the jackpot.

“Sorry, not any of my business,” Delphine immediately apologized; she was here to have dinner, not to get into other people’s business.

Beth snorted, “No big deal. Yeah, I don’t think she’s coming. She’s married, you know?” Beth picked up the bottle and drank some more. “This sucks so much, loving someone who probably doesn’t love you as much. She has kids, for fuck’s sake, and I’m a fool!” Beth was so sad, Delphine felt sympathy for the woman.

“I’m not in the same situation, but I also love someone with all my heart. She hates me. I did something terrible to her, but I don’t think she will forgive me, not with so many lies.” The conversation had turned pretty gloomy, and fast.

“Shit, this really sucks.” Beth finished her beer; she placed the empty bottle on the table.

Delphine felt so much melancholy that she lost her appetite, though she had eaten almost everything, so that was good at least.

“I wish I knew if it was just an affair, that’s all I want to know. If that dipshit makes her happy, I swear I will step aside, but I need to know for sure.” Beth tied her hair in a ponytail, she took a couple bills out from her pocket and left them on the table next to the bottle.

“That is the biggest sacrifice, Beth, knowing that your special person is with someone else and letting her be happy. I wonder if I would be capable of doing the same.” Delphine thought for a minute. She always avoided thinking too far into Cosima’s life, but that was a huge possibility, would she move away knowing that someone else made the love of her life happy?

“Thanks for the company, Delphine, best of luck. I better go, I guess she’s not coming.” Beth seemed pretty sad; she adjusted her light blue jacket and started to walk toward the exit.

 

Delphine also paid for her meal and walked to the parking lot, where she heard a female voice calling for the cop.

“Beth? Beth, wait!” Delphine noted that Beth turned around.

“Ali? You really came?” Beth was in shock, she was not expecting her date to arrive.

The woman with the bangs nodded and ran towards the cop, embracing her hard and covering her with kisses.

Delphine smiled and hoped for the best for Beth and that other girl, she really did. Now she just wanted to go to sleep and continue working on her project, she needed a distraction and quickly, or else the simple thought of Cosima with another man or woman was going to drive her insane with jealousy, and she didn’t even have the right anymore.

________

Cosima was finishing her lab work for the day, she had been a bit distracted, though; she knew she messed up her last date with Danielle, she was just lucky that Danielle didn’t get any weird thoughts after that; however, for that reason the last two weeks she had avoided at all costs being with Danielle alone, or in a place where things could get hotter. The simple thought of having sex with Danielle while thinking about that _woman_ was horrible and pretty shitty. She really needed to take her time, she wished she could be whole for Danielle, but the truth was that her body memory always looked for the familiar places: those freckles on _her_ back, the length of those long legs that drove her insane; and her hands found nothing that resembled that, and that was not acceptable. That was in the past and she had to focus on the present. Danielle deserved so much more.

 

Once Cosima was done with her lab day she went to meet Danielle at a park. Danielle had everything ready to go back home, to Paris; she had completed what she came here to do, so now the big question was, what was she going to do? Cosima was only a couple of weeks from reaching the end of the semester, which also meant that Danielle was about to conclude her TA duties.

Danielle greeted Cosima with a kiss on both cheeks. “Bonjour, Cosima, how were classes today?”

Cosima smiled. She was content to see Danielle happy, at least she was going to try harder to avoid fucking this up. “Everything went well.” Cosima entangled her hand with Danielle’s and they walked without any clear direction.

Danielle grinned, “That is really good to know, you are going to ace all your subjects.”

“I hope so. I have been a bit distracted lately.” Cosima wiggled her brows teasingly.

“You little brat, so now it’s my fault for your lack of concentration.” Danielle pulled her closer and kissed her. “I guess that I have to do a more thorough job, then, if you are only a tiny bit distracted.” She kissed the tip of her nose and bumped her forehead sweetly.

“Yes, that might be a great suggestion, but I have to finish studying, Dr. Fournier.” Cosima was always very smooth coming up with excuses, she was seriously afraid to scream the wrong name during sexual intercourse with Danielle or with anybody else, especially after she truly blew it last time.

“You do? I can help you with that. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t help you to improve those terrible grades, huh?” Danielle embraced Cosima from behind and placed tiny kisses on her neck. “I can behave, unless you can’t control yourself.” Danielle whispered in her ear, then she bit her earlobe.

“HA! Me without control? I will study, for your information, Doctor.” Cosima pulled away from Danielle and ran away playfully. Danielle giggled and followed her girlfriend.

 

Cosima and Danielle spent the next hours in the library, Cosima studying and reviewing her notes while Danielle worked on her laptop. The hours seemed to go slowly, but that didn’t stop Cosima from studying and reading tons of material. The sun went down and the stars were soon decorating the sky.

The library was practically empty by then, just the two of them working at their table, focused on the task at hand.

“Do you want something from the vending machine?” Danielle closed the lid of her laptop and rose from her chair. “We’ve been here for a while and I’m a bit hungry.”

“Um, I don’t think there is pot so…” Cosima gave her a lopsided smile, always cheeky.

“Okay, I’ll be drinking some coffee. If you want to join you know I’ll be outside.” Danielle leaned in and left a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Gotcha.” Cosima kept taking notes from several books while Danielle went out to take a break. Cosima knew that she was acting like an idiot, this was not what she was supposed to be doing, the solution was not to avoid contact with Danielle, and in that case she should encourage it and erase once and for all those damn memories that haunted her at night, which made her long for someone who didn’t deserve her. It’d been ten years of pain, heartbreak and loneliness; this was life giving her a chance with Danielle, and she should be giving her best.

_______

Cosima was still reading when Danielle returned, she gave Cosima a quick hug. “You look like crap, Cosima. You have done enough for today, why don’t I take you to your place so you can sleep?” Danielle was always concerned about her, it was the sweetest thing in the world.

“Yeah, you’re right. Help me with these books, will ya?” Cosima was indeed tired; her eyes were burning from reading so much. Danielle helped her put the books in their place and then Cosima faced Danielle. “Thanks for keeping me company, you probably had better things to do.”

“Hey, you are important to me, nerd.” Danielle cupped Cosima’s face and kissed her softly. Cosima responded eagerly to the kiss, pushing Danielle against the bookshelf. Cosima’s hands were on Danielle’s hips while the French woman pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. Danielle turned them around and now it was Cosima who was against the shelf. Danielle inclined a bit further to reach her neck, Cosima’s hands travelled along Danielle’s back, scraping it, the two of them drinking each other like water in a desert.

_I need to forget_.

Danielle’s hands were roaming Cosima’s body, feeling her soft skin, so warm and so hot.

_The library? Really? What do you intend to do, Principessa? Seduce me with books?_

Cosima moaned softly against Danielle, desperate to feel her hands somewhere else.

_Cara mia, you have changed me._

Danielle bit her collarbone, then she licked the small drop of sweat between the valley of her breasts. Cosima’s hands were unbuttoning Danielle’s jeans, trying to reach that sensitive spot.

_Il mio cuore è solo tuo._

“Merde!” Danielle backed off abruptly, a look of horror on her face, but she changed her expression quickly. “I think I better take you home, this is not the place I want to make love to you.” That was the truth, Danielle really wanted to make things right, but she knew she had to take it really slow, the darkness within her was threatening to get out.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want to make a show for any weirdo in the library at night.” Cosima’s cheeks were flushed and she was a bit sweaty.

“Oui, come on I’ll drive you home.”

 

Danielle took Cosima back to her place just as she said, she kissed her goodnight and waited until she was inside to return to her own apartment.

Once she was home, she went straight to the kitchen and opened the upper cabinet; there she took out a bottle and some pills, poured the scotch in a glass, which she kept it in her hand along with the pills.

_Ti amo Danielle._

“Lies! All the things you said were lies! I’m not doing this again, I promised Del, I promised myself.” Danielle emptied the glass and the bottle in the sink, the pills in the trash. She knew she was fucked-up, she knew she was damaged goods, and yet she still hoped that someone would love her, that someone would not use her like _she_ did. Cosima was hope for her, a bright new light.

Danielle took a quick shower, the cold water erasing the warmth of Cosima’s skin on hers. She got out and put on an old t-shirt and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering how she believed in _her_ lies, how she fell in _her_ trap. She rolled to reach the drawer of her night stand and there it was, the old box she kept with her.

She made her fall in love like an ass, made her love _her_ like never before, she thought she had found the one, a person who could see her the way she did; in the end all of those words were nothing but lies. She just used her to give a boost to her rich daddy, a publicity stunt for the press, an adventure. Danielle was to that liar a means to an end, and she wasn’t even gay, bi or pan, she was fucking straight.

“I was just a game to you.” A tear ran down her cheek, she removed it with the back of her hand. She took the ring out of the box, staring at the beauty, at the perfection. The ring she bought for _her_ , right before she proposed, when everything blew up in her face.

Danielle hated when she was down, and even when Cosima brightened her day, she was going to have this darkness locked up inside, because that love she felt once was now anger and pain, and yet she had kept the ring.

“You betrayed me, destroyed me; if it wasn’t for Delphine I would be truly gone. She is the only person I can trust in this world, and I know she would never betray me. Not like you did… Aryanna.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence, drugs and suicide attempt.

“Alló? Danielle? You okay?” Delphine was half asleep, she checked the clock and noted it was past midnight. Danielle never called at this time, unless it was…

“Mon Dieu! Danielle, please tell me you didn’t take anything.” Delphine was already up and ready to take the first flight to Minnesota, she was really scared that Danielle had relapsed; she was always going to be afraid for her.

 

Delphine sighed, “Oh gosh, I was scared for a minute. Hey don’t worry, I’m right here. Oui, I know. You are strong, Dani, you have come so far, so you call me any time you have that old desire creep into your head, I will be here for you.” Delphine walked to her kitchen listening to her old friend. Danielle had it rough all her life, her family never cared enough for her, she was the usual troublemaker looking for attention, but mostly for love.

Delphine and Danielle had been inseparable since high school, and through all the rough patches of life they had stuck together. She knew that there were times when Danielle had it rough, she had told her many times to get rid of that stupid ring, but it was like it gave her strength to hate that Italian girl, though it was also hurting her.

“I get it, Dani, do you need me there? I promise to go right away.”

Delphine took a glass of water and went back to her bedroom. “Okay, but if you need me you call me anytime, Dani. Promise? Bien. Now try to sleep.”

Delphine closed the call and sat on her bed, she was still worried about Dani, but she was so strong now, it’d been years since Danielle went into a downward spiral. Drugs almost took her best friend away, but she had fought and Delphine was so proud of the woman she had become; too bad her family shooed her away, Delphine was all she had left.

Delphine closed her eyes and let tiredness claim her again.

 

 

 

The work was intense today, Delphine was reviewing some PCR results to proceed with the paperwork. It had been just days after Danielle called her in so much pain, but she had been checking with several text messages, and so far everything was back to normalcy. Dani was so damn scared to open up to anyone after that huge Italian fiasco that it was expected that she was going to be extra careful with this new girlfriend of hers.

Delphine concluded reviewing the paperwork and signed some documents before heading to work on her own project. This last month of hard work was paying off, she was so damn close, she could feel it, and the latest trial showed some improvement; however, time was against her, Jennifer’s health was deteriorating so damn fast that she was afraid for her.

Delphine walked through the narrow halls to reach her lab, she swiped her key card and punched her numeric password, the door opened with a click and she pushed the door to enter. She left the documents she was carrying under her arm on the desk and went to the table to prepare the reactants she was going to use for today’s trial. The genetic code she had been working on so hard was almost done, she had to review the sequence once again and then test it with the latest samples she had.

Delphine put on her goggles and latex gloves and started to work right away. She kept working for several hours until someone else opened the door.

“And as you can see here, our facilities have the latest in technology.”

Delphine could recognize that accent anywhere in the world: Rachel Duncan.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Cormier, are the projects coming along?” Rachel greeted the scientist, the red of her lips, as always, a battle mask.

“So far so good, Rachel.” Delphine kept checking the tissue she was analyzing under the microscope, ignoring the interruption of the young businesswoman.

“Allow me to introduce our most recent investor, Dr. Cormier.” Rachel walked closer, “This is—“

“YOU!?” Delphine raised her eyes to meet familiar brown ones, long brown hair loose on her back, she knew that woman.

“You are Danielle’s…”

“Yes I am!” Delphine stood up fast and was in front of the woman in no time, facing her with hatred.

“Hmm, I guess there is no need for introductions after all.” Rachel commented, then added, “This is our interim director, Ms. Giordano, and top researcher at our Institute. Dr. Cormier, be kind enough to discuss our latest achievements, and when you’re done, meet me at my office, Ms. Giordano, to close our deal.” Rachel smiled briefly and left the laboratory.

“I can’t believe this, I have to say that I’m sorry to see that you’re still walking on this Earth. What you did was low.” Delphine was mad, she was piercing the Italian with her stare; she remembered the days she spent with Danielle in rehab, when she woke up trembling, crying and hurting so badly it tore her soul, that time when Danielle felt so miserable that she almost took her life.

“I know. I’m so sorry, you don’t know how sorry I am.” Aryanna walked towards the machinery and test tubes in the corner, taking a couple of steps away from Delphine.

“Sorry? Are you serious? You used her like a toy! You told her you loved her, you let the paparazzi take pictures of you for a publicity stunt for your father. She was just a sensational story for you!” Delphine raised her voice so much it burned her throat, her fists were closed in anger, she hurt so much for Danielle. “She almost killed herself. She OD’d, you know? You left her in pieces.”

“Che cosa? Dio mio. I had no idea, Delphine, I swear that I tried to make things right, but my father, he—“

“No; stop lying! You are the one who followed his orders, you let her fall for you even when you didn’t feel anything for Danielle. You put her in danger, your father is a mobster. What the hell were you thinking!”

“I did love her! When she overheard my conversation with my father, I was telling him I wanted out, because I fell for her. Yes, it was just a game, a plot to make my father look sympathetic, but when I really got to know her my feelings became real. I wanted so bad to reach out to her, but he cut off my expenses and had me followed day and night. Yes, she could have been killed under my father’s orders, so I left.” Aryanna turned to face Delphine again. “I know it’s been too long, and I know she hates me as much as you do, but I need to see her. I have to apologize. That’s the least I could do. I know I don’t deserve her, I know I made her hurt. Per favore, Delphine, tell me where she is.”

 

“Merde.” Delphine realized that she had more in common with Aryanna Giordano than she thought. She felt exactly the same about Cosima; she was too late now, but she still wanted to ask for forgiveness. She needed to hear from Cosima that she forgave her for hurting her so badly. Delphine sat down, thinking how ridiculous this was; she hated Aryanna like Cosima hated her, probably.

“Look, I don’t want to discuss Danielle with you, not when she doesn’t know about this. She is fine. She is dating again, and she deserves it. I’ll show you around and I’ll explain what we’re doing here, but once I’m done, just go back with Rachel.” Delphine grabbed her key card from her desk and walked to the door, waiting for Aryanna to follow her.

Today, things couldn’t get worse, could they?

_______

Cosima was in the library again, trying to focus on her studies. The last time she was here, she was about to do the do with Danielle, and even though she was willing to go to the end, Danielle took a step back. What if Danielle was feeling her reluctance to engage in sexual intercourse? What if she realized that she was fantasizing with a ghost from her past? She was really going to blow this if she didn’t get her priorities straight. Danielle was the present, and she was the friend she needed in this time of solitude; she could be the lover to fill the space in her heart. Cosima just had to let _her_ go once and for all. Let. Her. Go.

Cosima was walking back to her place when she saw Danielle near campus. She seemed a bit sad, Cosima noticed that in the last couple days that huge smile was not visible at all. She was smoking a cigarette under the huge tree in the corner of the small park on campus, and Cosima approached her to see if she was okay. They also hadn’t discussed what Danielle was going to do now that she had completed her doctorate program. Was she really going to return to France?

“Hey, Danielle.” Cosima waved to greet her gorgeous gal.

“Bonjour, Cosima, how were the classes today?” Danielle asked, a bit absentmindedly.

“They were okay, I just have to deliver one more paper for next week and I’ll be done with this semester.” Cosima sat beside Danielle and laced their fingers together. “But you seemed deep in thought, everything okay with you?” Cosima tilted her head, furrowing her brows in concern.

Danielle gave her a small smile in return. “Oui, I’m just trying to make sense of what I’m going to do now with my life.” Danielle cupped Cosima’s cheek, caressing it with her thumb. “I have a couple of job proposals in France waiting for me, but I’m not sure what to do.”

“Well, if they are really good offers you should really consider them. I mean, if it was me I’d totes consider it myself.” Cosima grinned.

“Okay, I will review them. I also was thinking about us.” Danielle smoked the last bit of her cigarette and with her heel she ground out the butt.

 

“Yeah, I don’t wanna be the reason you lose a huge opportunity, Danielle.” Cosima took a deep breath, and closed her eyes, she could hear _her_ clearly like it was yesterday. Words that cut her like a knife.

 _“…this had to end sooner rather than later, I mean you’re just a kid, I am about to finish my master’s Cosima, I can’t fulfill my dreams with a kid by my side.”_ Yes.  That woman had said that to her.

 _“What did you expect? It was fun while it lasted, but let’s be real, Cosima, it wasn’t going to work.”_ She completely killed her with that, she was just fun for that bitch.

“Cosima?” Cosima shook her head, Danielle’s voice made her come back to reality.

“Um, sorry I was spacing out, but yeah, why don’t we go to my place tonight, we order some Chinese and we talk.” Cosima played with Danielle’s curls, she really liked that hair.

“Bien sûr, I’ll meet you at 9.” Danielle pulled Cosima closer and gave her a warm kiss, sending butterflies into her stomach. Danielle was incredible, so sweet and lovely, and for the love of puppies, it was time to remove that damn thorn that hurt her the most.

 

 

 

“Goddammit Scott, I told you to heal me!” Cosima said through her headset, her DPS just died and now she had to walk all the way to the revival site.

“Sorry, man, but I was ambushed, couldn’t do much either.” Scott’s voice came through the speaker, his character was also dead.

“Oh fuck this shit, dude. We better go somewhere else to level up, man. We’re getting our butts kicked.” Cosima was frustrated; she had to admit that she was not motivated either; not when she just remembered those awful words that tore her soul. She loved her so damn much, so it was inevitable to ask herself, why hadn’t she loved her back?

“Because you were a kid,” Cosima said out loud.

“Now what?” Scott replied, thinking she meant him.

“Shit, no, no, it’s nothing, dude. Look, I’m gonna have to log out. When I get back to San Fran we will play again, cool?” Cosima was pressing several keys to log out.

“Okay, man, see you in a couple of weeks, then.”

Cosima pressed enter and she was out of the game platform. She checked the time and found she was going to be late to receive Danielle, she hadn’t ordered the food yet.

Cosima stood up from her desk and walked to make the call; she picked up her cellphone from the kitchen counter and made the order.

 

Danielle arrived 20 minutes later and Cosima was still awaiting the food. She let Danielle in and welcomed her with a hug that took Danielle by surprise.

“Bonsoir, Cosima.” Danielle gave her a soft kiss on both cheeks. “Sorry for the delay, I was packing my bags.”

That erased Cosima’s smile. “So, you’re going back to France after all.”

Danielle walked toward the small table and took her seat there; Cosima joined her, her heart a sea of confusion.

“Oui, but like I said we really need to talk about us. Where are we going with this relationship, and where do we want to take it next?”

“Yeah, sure, that’s hella important.” Cosima propped her head on her hand and paid attention to Danielle.

“We have been dating just for a couple of months now, officially. I concluded my studies and now I have to go back to France, unless of course you have something to say. I have found friendship in you, and also love, Cosima.” Danielle was fidgeting with her hands, she was pretty nervous. Cosima put her hand over hers to give her comfort.

“Yeah, you became the friend I needed, and now you are giving me a shot at love. I want what is best for you, but I want to explore this thing also. I um. I like you, Danielle, I want to give us a chance.” Cosima was sure, she knew she wanted to pursue this to the end. A knock on the door cut the deep conversation short; Cosima went to pick up their food and brought it back to the table.

 

“This is a great choice, Cosima.” Danielle ate with enthusiasm, enjoying the delicious chicken kung pao.

“I told you before, I have great taste.” Cosima winked at Danielle and kept eating. The background music was brightening the night until…

_It’s going down, I’m yelling Timbeeeeeeeeer_

_You better move, you better dance_

_Let’s make a night you won’t remember_

_I’ll be the one you won’t forget…_

Cosima was so pale, that damn song took her to the music room with that blonde from hell, and holy fuck, she did go down on her.

“You okay?” Danielle took Cosima out of memory lane.

“Um, kinda feeling sleepy now, I ate too fast.” Cosima excused herself and went to wash her teeth and face, she changed into something more comfortable and sat on her bed. Danielle followed and scooted closer to her.

“Come here, let me take care of you,” Danielle proposed. Cosima leaned on Danielle while she caressed her and massaged her scalp.

“So, you really want to see where this takes us?” Danielle asked, hope in her tone.

“Yeah, I know you have to leave to fix your things, but I’ll be lying if I didn’t admit that I’m gonna miss you.” Cosima nuzzled against Danielle.

“I’m gonna miss you, too. I need to find a job closer, then. After all, there is nothing left in France for me. My family doesn’t give a damn about me.” The sadness with which Danielle said that made Cosima cuddle closer.

 

“Can I tell you a story?” Danielle asked, Cosima nodded while she closed her eyes and listened.

“Once upon a time there was a girl, and she had some people who she thought were friends. She was a troublemaker and her family didn’t want to have much to do with her, either. When she made it to high school, she met someone who offered her arms openly and became her family instead, and the only true friend she could find in the world. The two girls became inseparable since that moment.”

“Mhmm.” Cosima mumbled.

“The troublemaker did so many stupid things, and yet her friend never let go of her hand, she was always there for her. They did everything together: from smoking a nice little cigarette when it was too cold, to help each other with dates. You had to see that. When they went to college, they were still best friends, and then the troublemaker met a girl.” Danielle took a pause before moving on.

“There’s always a girl, huh?” Cosima sounded sleepier.

“Oui, the troublemaker girl fell head over heels, and her friend told her to be careful, to take it easy, but she didn’t listen. She was so in love, and this girl was so incredible; she was funny, adventurous, and sexy as hell. However, this new girl in the life of troublemaker girl was hiding a secret.”

“Lemme guess, she was a psychopath,” Cosima giggled. Danielle placed a feathery kiss on her forehead and kept going. “Non, she was actually the daughter of an Italian mobster, owner of several businesses in Rome, with huge political influence; his daughter was just doing a political stunt, gay daughter accepted by her father kind of story.”

“Oh. Well, I was kinda close.” Cosima laughed, removed her glasses and put them on the night table. She cuddled with Danielle again and let her continue her story.

“She was neither gay nor bi, she was straight; she was experimenting, or so she said. Troublemaker girl was fooled completely; she was so deep in love, that when she learned the truth, not even her best friend could ease the pain.”

“Like a damn thorn stuck in your skin.” Cosima could relate one-hundred percent to that story.

“Oui, exactly like a thorn. So, troublemaker girl used other means to numb the pain she felt. She walked in the dark for so long and yet, her angel, her friend never left her. She lifted her up and made her whole again, at least to the best she could. And since then, troublemaker girl has been so damn careful, afraid to be hurt again, so scared, but she is ready to take another leap of faith.”

“A leap of faith? Right, Assassin’s Creed style.” Cosima grinned.

“Que?”

“Nevermind,” Cosima whispered.

“The conclusion of this story is that there is hope, that there are people that will catch you no matter what, and that’s why it’s better to take it one step at a time.”

“And that’s what we’re gonna do, take it one step at a time.” Cosima smiled; she was so tired that after that, she fell asleep in Danielle’s arms.

“Merci, Cosima, you are too good to be true. I will go slow here, take my time to really make sure we are on the right path; I can’t afford another heartbreak. Aryanna stole all of me, this carcass is all Delphine could save. I will always be grateful for her; I wish you two could meet, you’re the most important girls in my life right now.”

_Cosima and Delphine._


	14. Chapter 14

Cosima stayed in bed with Danielle as long as she could, she knew that Danielle had to go and prepare her trip back to Paris to fix her status and job situation, yet Cosima was reluctant to let her go, instead she kissed her and caressed her to keep her by her side first thing in the morning.

“You are a little brat, Cosima, you know I have tons of things to get ready.” Cosima pulled Danielle closer, kissing her earlobe, then her neck.

“Just a bit longer, Danielle. Where’s the fire?” Cosima kept up her sexy attack on Danielle, who was getting flustered the more Cosima kept delivering hot kisses on her skin. Cosima tossed her baggy shirt to the floor and straddled Danielle, cupped her face and kissed her slowly. Danielle held her around the waist while responding to the kiss, hands traveling along her back; she just needed to unclasp her bra to savor her.

Cosima kept dropping kisses on those strawberry lips, taking her time, learning what Danielle liked and disliked, teaching her body to get used to Danielle, because when Cosima opened her eyes and looked into Danielle’s, she realized that they had a similar eye color.

_Fuck_

The iris was a mixture of brown and yellow and green, and a million more different colors, and it was so damn beautiful, like _hers_.

Cosima closed her eyes again, erasing the mental picture of the blonde, the memory when she was in this same position, naked over her teacher; when she made love to her for the first time, and how she couldn’t stop looking into those gorgeous eyes.

Cosima kissed Danielle, taking her time, engraving the taste of her lips in her memory, the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin; the need to get rid of that other woman’s memory was driving her insane.

 

Danielle responded carefully, controlled, keeping her hands in a safe zone, not risking going too far or too deep, just in a place where she could feel comfortable. Cosima knew she was testing Danielle’s will to keep it together; however, she also knew that she was testing herself to see how far she could make it. To test if she could finally give herself to someone else, because so far, she had failed over and over again. The ghost of that woman was going to haunt her forever, and yet, she was so ready to make Danielle moan in pleasure.

Danielle was relaxing under her, little by little, she could feel how tensed her muscles on her back were. Cosima had to wonder why Danielle was so tense when they were this close and personal. They had known each other for six months already, so Danielle didn’t have to feel this tense with her. The sun crept through her window, and the way it lit Danielle’s eyes was magical, the way the yellow tinted her dark curls and made them glow, she looked so pretty, gorgeous, like a…

“Like a princess.” Cosima said between kisses.

Danielle backed off right away. “What!?” Her expression one of shock.

“That you look like a princess, you have the hair of one; it’s beautiful.” Cosima rested her arms on Danielle’s shoulders. She tilted her head, worried about Danielle’s expression. “Okay, I guess you don’t like the moniker,” Cosima said apologetically.

“No, I mean. That is a bit childish, don’t you think?” Danielle dismissed it as quickly; however, she took the chance to escape Cosima’s grasp now that she was distracted. “Now, missy, I have to go and do something productive, and you should go to classes.” Danielle kissed her cheek.

“Aw, Danielle, you are such a party pooper. I don’t wanna go to class if I can spend all of these days with you like this.” Cosima squinted her eyes to locate her glasses, she extended her arm to reach for them and put them on.

“Trust me, it is extremely tempting, but I have to deal with this as well, ma petite chou.” Danielle went to the bathroom to wash her face, she was a mess. She didn’t plan to fall asleep with Cosima, but she had. She was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

Cosima came from behind her and leaned on her back. “Okay, but promise me you’ll be back. Stay with me, Danielle. I want to spend the days we have left together with my girlfriend, you know.”

That made Danielle smile, knowing how much Cosima cared made her heart flutter with excitement.

“Okay, I will finish all the things I need to and then I’ll bring my things to stay here with you, deal?” Danielle turned around to face that grinning smile.

“Deal.”

________

It had been years since she heard the pet name, and she wasn’t pleased; those were the same words that Aryanna had said to her the first time they went together on vacation. Since then, she called her _Principessa_. Danielle went to her home to finish packing her bags and arrange her things for her trip. She wanted to make it as brief as possible, now that she was going to stay with Cosima.

She needed to arrange several documents and things she had pending in France, which also included a short visit to her family, and her mother wasn’t going to be pleased to have the black sheep of the family back.

She knew they wouldn’t care that she returned after so many years in the States, not when she had told her maman she liked girls as well as boys, and received a beating in return, even though she was only 12. By 16, she knew she liked people in general, she didn’t care about their gender or anything, so she started to identify as pansexual. She knew she was never going to get her parents’ approval, and so she became a rebellious, angry teen, hanging out with the wrong people. When she met Delphine, everything changed; if it wasn’t for Delphine, who became her friend during high school and helped her to study, she would have failed. Delphine, who offered her a friendly hand; Delphine, who became her savior. When she turned 18, her family kicked her out, since she was the weirdo of the family, and that was unacceptable for a Fournier. She got a scholarship, and thanks to that, she made it into the University. Delphine Cormier became the family she lost; she never judged her, even when she was in the worst state ever after Aryanna admitted her deception; she never pointed a finger at her; she was supporting, and caring, and loving. It was like Delphine was her friend soulmate. It was meant to be, and she was grateful every single day for her.

 

And as if she had called her with her mind, her computer rang and she saw that it was Delphine who was Skyping.

Danielle walked to her desk and clicked the green icon to answer the video call.

“Bonjour, Delphine, I was thinking about you.” Danielle gave her friend a huge smile, she was so happy today, first being with Cosima and now Delphine calling made this day the best.

“Bonjour, Dani. I wanted to call you before, but I was very busy.” Delphine was in her office, as far as Danielle could see.

“Del, I am going back home to settle several things.”

“You are?” Delphine leaned on her chair, pensive for a second. “Dani, don’t go there.”

Delphine knew her so damn well. “I want to let them know that I have succeeded, that I am worth something, Del.”

“They don’t deserve you, Danielle. Your family has never looked back, after all you went through. It’s going to pain you, I know.”

“I am stronger, Del, they can’t hurt me anymore. I really just want to shove it in their faces that I am not the failure they thought I was.” Danielle had gone through so much, it had taken her years to become the woman she was today.

“Well, you know where to find me, Dani. Anyway I wanted to talk to you about—“

“Bongiorno, Delphine.”

Delphine’s expression changed, now it was a mask of nothingness.

“Delphine? Qui est-ce?” Danielle knew that voice, didn’t she?

“I will talk to you later. Bye.”

“Del—“

She was offline.

“Merde!”

 

Danielle stood there at her desk, thinking about that voice. It sent shivers down her spine. She tried to call Delphine, to no avail; she was ignoring her. Danielle walked to her bedroom and finished packing, but her mind was spinning with different things, and she was getting crazy ideas. She sat on her bed and opened her night stand where she took out her special box. She opened it and there it was, the gold ring she bought so long ago, a ring that was meant for one woman, and now, could this ring be asking for a new bearer? Could that bearer be Cosima?

_Don’t get way over your head, idiot. It’s too early to think about this with Cosima._

But there was the possibility. She loved that girl, she really did, but she loved the Roman girl so much more.

Danielle gave her everything, every single fiber of her body and soul belonged to Aryanna; how could she not reciprocate? How could she not see through her lies? When Aryanna asked her to go to Milan-- of course she wanted to flaunt her girl in front of the press during fashion week-- when she took her to Rome to her family business; a pizzeria in Rome that the Giordano’s used as cover to do their illegal dealings was another show for the press.

Everything was a show. Don Giacomo Giordano was considered a hard man, but when his daughter appeared with Danielle, and he kissed and embraced his daughter, people were so moved by his love for his figlia that he earned the public’s acceptance.

Delphine warned her about the Italian. She told her so many times that there was something strange about Aryanna, and instead, Danielle told Delphine that she was jealous, because her best friend was spending time with another girl. How wrong she was.

But, when they were alone, between satin sheets, where there were no cameras, no audience, no paparazzi, Aryanna was tender and not that extroverted rich girl she met in the library surrounded by people; she was the kind girl she met when she knocked completely drunk and naked on the door of the wrong dorm room. Had she lied there as well? When she confessed in the darkness of their room how much she loved her and how she had changed her, was that part of her scheme?

 

Danielle put the ring away, inside her bags. She would carry that ring forever as a reminder of her mistake, but now with Cosima on her side, could she trust her heart again to someone else?

Time would tell, for now she had to finish packing and return to the warmth of Cosima Niehaus.

_________

“It was her, Delphine. Tell me where she is.” Aryanna was back again in the lab, Rachel had several dealings and one of those included Aryanna Giordano.

“I don’t think so, I told you that we are going to deal with business, leave Dani out of this.” Delphine’s jaw was set, eyes fixed in her skull, she was not giving that woman anything.

“You know I could find her if I wanted to. But I respect her privacy.”

“Oh mon Dieu, how wonderful of you. Not,” Delphine mocked the Italian. “You are exactly like Rachel, two women who rely on their monetary power to do what you want. I never liked you, never will.” Delphine was done with this, she was stopping this woman right here, right now.

Aryanna walked toward Delphine and sat on the couch, she was stubborn and she was not going to give up that easily.

“Delphine, I get that you hate me, I totally deserve it, but this is not your call. Let Danielle decide if she wants to see me, I’ll fly wherever she is, but let her decide.”

“Are you insane? I’m not letting you near Dani, not after what you did.”

“She is a grown woman, Delphine, she can decide on her own.”

Delphine remained silent; that made sense 100%, she couldn’t argue with it. “Merde, I’ll tell her, but if she says no it’s NO, and you will return from the hell hole you came from.”

Aryanna smiled. “I will.”

Delphine could see the hope in her eyes, if she had the same opportunity with Cosima, how could she ask for forgiveness when she knew she didn’t deserve it? And yet, she would still believe until she heard the words from her mouth that there was space for absolution. That Cosima was going to listen to her and forgive her lies that were on her behalf, to protect her and keep her safe.

But at the same time, she didn’t want Danielle to forgive the Italian, she wanted her to suffer, and that was also a possibility with Cosima. This was a pretty messed up situation.

“Look, I’m going to ask her about your request, but I told you, if she doesn’t want to meet you, you won’t reach for her, and if she says yes, then you’d better watch out. I don’t care how many goons you have at your disposal, if you hurt her again, I will make you pay.” Delphine meant it, this was a personal matter; Danielle was her family and she was going to bring hell on earth if that woman put at risk the safety of her best friend.

“Fair enough,” Aryanna retorted. She stood up from the couch and headed to the exit of Delphine’s office. “By the way, I’ll invest in your stem cell project, Dr. Cormier. Congratulations.” And then she left.

_______

Cosima was finally done with her classes for the day. She was tired after spending all night teasing Danielle, but before she went back home she had to go to buy some sexy lingerie, ‘cause tonight she was going to have some sexy time with Danielle before she returned to France.

Cosima rode the bus and reached the shopping mall several minutes later. There, she walked around various stores until she found one where she could buy something really special for Danielle. It was incredible that she was now thinking about having sexy times with someone, when last year she was her usual lonely self without hope, but now she had Danielle. Her new love.

She took her time checking the fabrics and she finally decided on a push-up bra with colorful prints and matching undies. This was going to be a wonderful night indeed.

 

Back at home, she set the mood with candles all around the place, and for the first time in weeks she made her bed, placing a couple of roses she bought on her way back on top of the sheets. When she picked up the last rose, she pricked her finger with a thorn.

“Shit.” She took a look at the bleeding finger, it was deep.

“Thorns hurt like a bitch, just like _you_ made me hurt.” She went quickly to get her first aid kit and bandaged her finger as best as she could, it was bothering just a bit.

She finished arranging her room, which had a miraculous new look. Danielle had better appreciate her efforts to clean her disaster of a room.

Her cellphone started to ring and Cosima picked it up; she recognized that number. “Hey, mom. Yeah, I’m fine, almost done here.” Cosima paced her room, making sure everything was perfect. She went to arrange the small dining table and check that the food was still warm.

“Mhmm, yeah, tell pops I already sent him the flight info. I’ll stay in San Fran longer this time, I um, I’m dating someone, mom.”

Cosima sat, she knew this was going to take some time now that the cat was out of the bag.

“Her name’s Danielle. Dr. Danielle Fournier.”

Cosima had to remove her cellphone from her ear since her mother was raising her voice.

“Yes, mom, she’s French. And no, I’m not insane; this has nothing to do with… that.” Her mother was into overprotective mode, which was one of those weird changes that occurred after shit went down with the blonde.

“She’s nice, mom, just don’t freak out before you meet her. Give her a chance. I’ll tell her tonight, so I’m not sure if she will accept the invitation, I hope she does.”

She heard a knock on the door. “Look, mom, gotta go. See you soon. Bye.” She left her cellphone on a bookshelf; she fixed her top and took a last glance at her reflection in the mirror before opening the door.

“Bonsoir Cosim—“

Cosima kissed Danielle as soon as she stepped inside her loft, she kissed her deep and hard.

“Okay, I think I could get used to this.” Danielle smiled while she gathered her breath, blushing like a teen. She left her jacket on the hanger while Cosima took her bags, then she guided her to the dinner table.

 

They chatted about Danielle’s plan once she was in France, and as soon as she had all the things set up regarding a job, she would come back to Cosima. She thought she could be at least a couple of weeks there, three tops, but she was going to return for her, and that made Cosima’s heart skip a beat.

“This was really good, and the wine is fantastic.” Danielle took another sip of the red liquid.

“Yeah, I was pretty hungry… still am.”

“Really? You can eat like a—“ Just one look into Cosima’s dark, hungry eyes and Danielle understood what this was all about.

“Oh.” Danielle was red as a tomato; she gulped down the whole glass of wine. Cosima stood up and took Danielle’s hand, guided her to her bedroom, and there she started to unbutton Danielle’s blouse while delivering soft kisses on her neck and jawline. She removed the bothersome material and continued with her jeans, then she took Danielle’s cellphone out of her pocket and put it on the night stand. Once Danielle was free of the fabric, she pushed her to the edge of the bed. Cosima removed her clothes slowly while Danielle watched, enthralled.

Cosima smiled. She was damn confident in her allure. _You got this, dude, you can do this. She. Is. Yours._

Cosima walked towards Danielle and kissed her, turning off the lights until the only light-source came from the candles. Even without so much light, she could see Danielle’s ribcage contracting and expanding fast, she was so damn ready.

Cosima grinned and straddled Danielle. She entwined her fingers in those sultry curls and kissed her slowly, pushing her against the mattress until she was ready to feast on her.

_Top like a boss, don’t fuck this up._

Cosima removed her glasses and she dived deep into Danielle.

_Showtime!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations on completing 50% of this story. Get ready cos what is coming is pure drama. And if you could do me a favor and thank the wonderful Sam aka quidpropunk.tumblr.com for editing this; trust me, if it wasn't for her you would be reading a horror fic instead ;)  
> Thank you so much for being here and making this a wonderful experience. Enjoy???

Cosima’s hands felt warm against her skin, her lips wet over her bra, tongue hot and teeth nipping at the thin fabric, hands caressing her legs softly. Danielle’s heartbeat was fast and she bet that if Cosima got an inch closer to her chest she was going to hear it clearly. Cosima kept working on her breast, squeezing it tenderly; she went lower, head on her belly button, licking it slowly, making Danielle shiver. Cosima’s hands gripped her hips firmly; Danielle arched her back to give Cosima better access, the low moans coming from her throat a song of beauty to Cosima.

Cosima was right where she wanted, right between her legs, kissing and scraping her inner thigh. Danielle had one hand over Cosima’s dreads, holding her, and the other digging into the mattress, pulling the sheets in sheer pleasure. Cosima entangled her fingers in the elastic band of Danielle’s underwear, ready to pull them off and free her from the excruciating pain of her teasing, to give her release once and for all.

However, right before Cosima removed the piece of cloth, Danielle’s phone started to ring. It was the Skype tone.

“Cosima, wait!” Danielle sat up on her bed, startled.

“Are you serious? You gonna pick up the phone?” Cosima propped herself on her elbow, squinting her eyes to look at Danielle, who was already on the move.

“It’s Skype, it’s probably an international call, Cosima.” Danielle rolled across the bed and took the phone from the nightstand, seeing Delphine’s icon right away. “Merde. I’ll be right back, promise.” Danielle gave a quick kiss to Cosima, who was pouting and giving her puppy eyes, but if Delphine was calling at this time, it was important, particularly after she had ignored the rest of her calls the last few days.

 

Danielle went quickly into the bathroom and closed the door, pressed the answer button, and Delphine was on the screen.

“Where the hell where you, Del? I tried to reach you and you simply ignored me?” Danielle put the phone on the sink, lowered the seat of the toilet and sat there, looking at Delphine angrily.

“Je suis desolée, Danielle. I wanted to, euh— Are you in your underwear?” Delphine got closer to the screen, as if she could see in better detail why Danielle was Skyping in her undies.

Delphine’s eyes were suddenly wide with realization. “Merde. Tell me you weren’t, you know.”

Danielle broke eye contact, kind of embarrassed.

Delphine covered her face, also embarrassed. “Are you insane? Why on earth did you pick up the phone? I mean, if you are in the middle of something I definitely can call later.”

“Hell no, not after you cut me off, Del. What happened?” Now it was Delphine who stood quiet. She bit her lip, and Danielle recognized the gesture as excitement and/or nervousness. She was inclined to think it was the latter.

“I have to ask you something,” Delphine finally said.

“Oh, I know, you are going to finally propose to me, ma belle; took you 18 years to do it,” Danielle joked. Delphine smiled in response to her idiotic comment.

“You wish, you little merde, but I have to tell you something important. I would rather keep this to myself, but I promised to be always honest with you and, well, just take it easy, yes?”

“Okay, you are scaring me now, Del. What is going on?” Danielle stopped smiling, it was definitely very important.

Delphine was clearly struggling with whatever she wanted to say, the hesitation in her body language, in her gestures, was making Danielle anxious.

“Aryanna is here,” the blonde finally said.

“…”

Danielle shook her head. It couldn’t be; she was mistaken.

“Non, that’s not funny, Delphine. Cut the crap.” Danielle picked up the phone and held it closer.

“She is here in Toronto. She is actually an investor in one of our projects. It’s her, Danielle, and she wants to speak with you. I told her to back off, but she is very stubborn. However, if you say no, that’s it, she won’t look for you, and she will stay away.”

 

Danielle remembered about her previous skyping session with Delphine; she was telling the truth. She had recognized that voice, that accent that drove her nuts 12 years ago. It was her: Aryanna Giordano.

Danielle was serious, deep in thought. Delphine just waited for her reaction, she wasn’t going to pressure her in any way, she was going to let her assimilate this new information and decide what to do.

“Why? What does she want, for real?” Danielle felt turmoil; she didn’t know what to do. She hated the girl, she didn’t want anything to do with her again, and yet, her stupid heart wanted to see her.

“Forgiveness.”

“Aryanna doesn’t deserve it.”

“Bien, I’ll tell her that—“

“BUT!” Danielle interrupted, “I want to speak with her. I am ready to face her, Del, and tell her how much I despise her; to say to her face that I am over her, that she didn’t break me.”

“Danielle, think about this. It’s your decision, but I don’t want you to go through this again.” Delphine was extremely worried, and Danielle loved her for that, she was her family after all.

“I am ready, Del. She can’t hurt me anymore.”

Delphine sighed in resignation and nodded. “I’ll tell her. Where will you meet? She doesn’t care where in the world.”

“Tell her to meet me in three days: Pont Neuf, 18 heures.”

“If you need me…”

“I know, Delphine, I know I’ll always have you. Now go to sleep, and I think I have unfinished business here.” Danielle gave a small smile before closing the call and turning off her phone. When she returned to meet Cosima, she noticed her girlfriend was deeply asleep. She got into bed beside her, kissed her on the shoulder, and closed her eyes. Despite her tiredness, that night she couldn’t sleep; her mind was trying to predict all possibilities. She was meeting the woman who destroyed her life, what on earth she was thinking?

________

Delphine couldn’t sleep, she was thinking about Danielle. Her friend was being so brave, and yet she couldn’t stop relating this to Cosima. Danielle had a profound hate for Aryanna, could Cosima also despise her like that? Could Cosima tell her to her face how much hurt she caused, how much she hated her?

Delphine was afraid; the parallels between her story and Danielle’s were freaking her out. She was truly scared of Cosima’s reaction if she ever saw her again. She loved her so much, it hurt, the simple thought of Cosima’s hazel eyes so full of hatred for her.

Delphine rolled over on her bed. She was restless, and now she knew she was not going to sleep. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, grabbed her laptop and sat at her desk to work on her synthetic sequence. At least she could do science to ease her pain; this was her safe haven. Being buried in genetic codes made her forget about her mistakes. If only she had acted responsibly; if only she had been the adult, nothing of this would have occurred. She would probably be with Cosima now, living a happy life, but no, she blew up everything when she reciprocated a minor’s feelings.

“Asshole,” she laughed bitterly. She had loved when Cosima cursed. “I am an asshole.” What she did was unforgivable; there was no second chance for her. Delphine got back on track and continued working on the sequence that was going to safe Jennifer’s life.

The last trial went smoothly, she just needed a sequence that was a perfect match for Jenn’s; she knew she was close, so damn close. Tonight she was not going to stop until she fixed whatever was affecting her synthetic gene for this damn gene therapy to work.

 

 

 

Delphine opened her eyes. Light filtered through the windows, the sky looked clear, and her head was hurting. “Merde!” She had fallen asleep on the desk. She was groggy with sleep, so she headed to the kitchen to prepare some tea and get back to work. She was still in her PJ’s, her hair a mess, but she still had time to work some more before she had to leave for the office.

Delphine took a quick shower, fixed her hair in a ponytail, and painted her nails a crimson red. She dressed in black jeans that fit her long legs perfectly and a blouse that she buttoned up to the top. Once she was ready, she made some breakfast, ate it quickly, and went to the laboratories.

 

In her office, she sat to work right away. Last night, she was so deep into fixing the genetic sequence that she ended up being in something of a trance. It was like she could hear Cosima speaking to her.

 _Why don’t you rewrite these codons here, Ms. Cormier?_ She swore she could hear it in Cosima’s voice. It was as if she was speaking to her all night long. _Delphine, look in here, this is wrong._ And that’s when she noticed the single nucleotide that was fucking this up. After that, she didn’t remember anything else, probably when her body shut down.

It was imperative that she fix the nucleotide right away, so as soon as she got to work, she started with the sequence.

“What should I do, Cosima? Should I replace it?”

Delphine closed her eyes, and she could imagine Cosima coming from behind her and hugging her, her head resting on her back, her hands around her waist. _You’re not seeing it, Delphine._

“See what?”

_The protein, silly puppy._

“The protein? Sweet mother of god, YES!” Delphine opened her eyes to find a stoic face looking back at her.

“And now you’re having conversations with yourself? Should I call a psychiatrist, Dr. Cormier?” Rachel had her hands crossed in front of her, black suit and high heels like battle armor, red lipstick twisting viciously in a smile.

“Rachel? Non, I was thinking aloud, I think I have the answer I was looking for.”

“That is wonderful to hear, now could you please send me the report of the FGFR2 mutant germ cells.” Rachel was again in business mode.

“Yes, of course. I’ll print a copy and deliver to you as soon as I can.” Why was Rachel so interested in the sperm cell project? She could only guess.

“Very well, keep up the good work, Dr. Cormier.” Rachel turned around and left her office.

Delphine released the air she didn’t know she was holding. Rachel made her nervous; it was like dealing with a poisonous snake, you never knew when she was going to strike.

Delphine printed what Rachel asked for and gave it to her assistant, Martin. She then headed to the lab to conclude designing the sequence and then test it. She was utterly excited by this, she could feel it in her gut; she was about to make something huge.

 

Delphine was in the middle of prepping the blood test with the modified sequence when that damn woman came into the lab.

“I won’t take much of your time, Doctor; I need to know: what did she say?” Aryanna had her long, straight, brunette hair loose, and she wasn’t wearing that much makeup; still, the girl looked on point, as always. Like the rich girl she was. Delphine had to admit it, the girl was gorgeous.

“She will meet you in three days, Pont Neuf, 18 hours. And then you will leave her alone.”

“Grazie.”

“I didn’t do this for you.”

“I know, still… grazie.”

Delphine really hoped Danielle had truly gotten over the Italian, or else this was going to be another mess.

 

 

 

The clock kept ticking; the hours moved slowly now that Delphine was doing the test, she had put all her team to work on this 24/7, so everybody was working hard to have this result in the least amount of time. Delphine was so damn tired; she had barely slept the last couple of days; well, actually, months. Plus, Danielle’s personal issues drained her more. Delphine was exhausted. She had worked so hard for this, she was ready to get the damn results and finally do something useful. After all the time spent studying and preparing to be the best in the field, she couldn’t come up with the answers that Jennifer needed, until now. She was sure this was it, the moment that six months of intense work were going to pay off. Today, it didn’t matter how late it was, she was going to know if she could do the treatment with the cell she designed. Delphine was waiting in her lab, dozing on and off, when a scientist came into the laboratory.

“Dr. Cormier, here it is, as you requested.” The scientist offered her a folder with the results.

Delphine walked quickly toward her colleague and grabbed the documents. She opened the folder and read.

“It’s a match. IT’S A MATCH!”

The scientist confirmed with a nod.

“YES! We did it.” Delphine closed her fist in victory, and then she ran toward her office to call San Francisco. She knew it was extremely late, but she had to let her know. Jennifer had to know that she fulfilled her promise, she was going to be fine.

Delphine quickly pressed the keys on her phone to make the call, then she waited until a nurse picked up the phone.

“Yes? Hello, ehm, I know it’s late, but I need to speak with Ms. Fitzsimmons, room 324. This is Dr. Cormier from the Dyad Institute. Yes, thank you.”

Delphine was so damn happy, she was vibrant, and she couldn’t wait to tell Jennifer the news. Right now, she didn’t care if Jennifer got mad at her for waking her up.

“Alló? No one? Is her boyfriend around, or her physician? it’s really important that I speak to them. Yes, that would be helpful; I’ll be waiting their call. Thank you.”

There was no point being at the office now, Delphine picked up her things and went back home.

 

Delphine was in the bathtub, relaxing for the first time in ages, taking time for herself. If Cosima was here, she would be celebrating with Eskimo Pies. Delphine smiled just thinking about it. Cosima would have invited herself into the tub; she would be eating and making a mess while Delphine tried to relax. What she wouldn’t give to have her back in her life, but she knew it was too late.

Delphine dressed in her most comfortable sleepwear and was brushing her hair when her cellphone rang, she ran to the table to pick it up and press the answer key.

“Alló? Jennifer? Oh, hi, Greg. Sorry to make you call this late, but I have wonderful—“

“…”

“…”

“Que? Non, that can’t be. I have the cure, Greg, I made it, she can’t… she can’t...”

Delphine crumbled to the floor and started sobbing. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Greg. Yes, of course. I will be there.”

It was only when she closed the call that she allowed the tears and the pain to rip her apart. Jennifer was gone; she had failed her friend.

Delphine made herself into a ball, crying inconsolably. “I’m so sorry, Jennifer, I am so so sorry.” She felt so useless, what was the point of having a PhD in immunology if she couldn’t help anyone?

She was alone, Danielle was probably sleeping or going to the airport to go back to France, and she had no one else to rely on. Delphine went to the cabinet and took out a bottle of wine to drink until she forgot what her name was, or until she passed away, whatever happened first.

“Sorry, Jennifer, I failed you.”

 

Nonetheless, Jennifer Fitzsimmons fulfilled her word: only with her death was she going to make Delphine face her past; oh yes. Her funeral was going to be held in three days in the city of San Francisco, and Delphine Cormier was going to be there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update to celebrate Tat's Bday :)

Cosima helped Danielle with her luggage; she was going to be in France for a couple weeks to deal with work and family business. Cosima drove her to the airport and here they were, saying their farewells.

“I hope you have a wonderful trip, Danielle.” Cosima hugged Danielle, wishing her all the best.

“You take care, Cosima. I hope to be back soon,” Danielle smiled.

“Um, I’m going to be in San Fran until the fall semester begins, and I would like you to be there with me. I mean, once you’ve done all your things, come to San Francisco, no strings attached. I would like to show you around and stuff.” Cosima grinned, trying to be as casual as possible.

“Sure, I would love to. I’ll call you in a couple of weeks to meet you in your hometown.” Danielle let go of Cosima’s hand and cupped her face to kiss her one more time before leaving for France.

“I’ll wait for your call, then. See you soon.” Cosima kissed her and then let her go. She waved goodbye one more time, and when Danielle couldn’t be seen anymore, she finally went back home.

 

 

 

The buzzing of her phone was bothering her sleep. Cosima covered her face with her pillow, but the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.

“Shit, it’s hella early. I’m on vacation, who the fuck is calling before sunrise?” Cosima woke up fully from her slumber and picked up her cellphone. When she saw who was calling, she swore again.

“Goddamit, Scott, are you insane? It’s even earlier for you, what the hell, dude!?”

Cosima pressed the bridge of her nose, then put on her glasses while she listened to Scott.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, dude, you said what? Dead?” Cosima sat up, trying to grasp what Scott was telling her.

“Ms. Fitz is gone. Shit. I never thanked her man, oh my god. I should have gone earlier, I should… shit.” She wanted to tell her how much those books meant to her, and now she was dead. Ms. Fitz was gone from this world.

“All right, when is the funeral? Okay. My flight departs tomorrow, so I’ll make it. I’ll be there, man, and thanks for calling.” Ms. Fitzsimmons had been a wonderful teacher and a kindred spirit. Those puppy books she sent her every year made her feel less lonely, the least she could do was to be there for her last farewell.

Cosima wanted to return to sleep but she couldn’t, she was filled now with regret and sadness. If only she had at least called to know how Ms. Fitzsimmons was, or if she had written her a letter. She never thanked her for her books, and that was shitty of her. Now it was too late to do that. She walked to her desk and lit a joint instead; it was still early, and she was done with her semester. Danielle was gone and she was missing her already. Danielle had become an incredible support, and she was so happy that she was going to join her in San Francisco. However, she needed to talk with her mother first to avoid any weird interactions, if and only if Danielle wanted to meet her parents.

 

Danielle Fournier had opened a spot in her heart, she had no idea how much she had given to Cosima already, and she couldn’t be more grateful to have her in her life. She was so ready to move on with her, to try and give the best to this relationship. Her girlfriend was totes worth it. And yet, Cosima was not sincere with Danielle, there were times when she thought about that damn woman when they hung out together; when they kissed, or even held hands. That woman’s memory crept into her mind and ruined everything. Maybe if she was more open with Danielle and told her what happened, she might understand. However, Danielle told her that she was going to take this really slow, so there was no rush to tell her girlfriend about her dramatic past. She was going to take this relationship one step at a time, to enjoy her company and try to make this work as best as she could.

Now that she was done smoking, she had to start packing her bags to get ready to fly back home, to The City, the place where those damn memories haunted her. She was ready to wipe them away with Danielle, ready to build new and happy memories with a girl, who not only deserved her love, but her trust.

________

Delphine opened her eyes to find herself on her couch, several empty bottles of wine discarded on the floor, broken glass shards reflecting the light entering her apartment. She tried to get up, but she was extremely dizzy, her head was spinning and it was pounding like it was about to blow up.

“Merde!” She noticed that she had a huge cut on her hand, probably from her pity party last night. She was bathed in wine, blood and sweat. She had no idea what the hell she did, at least not for the moment.

Once she felt strong enough to get up, she did it carefully. She walked toward her bathroom to wash the wound and herself. The hot water sprayed over the tense muscles of her back; she sat in the tub before she could fall and hit her head. She made herself into a ball, resting her chin on her knees. She felt so damn miserable. She had failed another person she cared about, she failed Jennifer.

 

The tears started to stream down her pale cheeks, mixing with the water. Delphine’s heart was completely destroyed, she had tried so damn hard, and right when she could grasp victory, life slapped her in the face and told her how much of a failure she was. All of her sacrifices were for nothing.

_Non. Cosima._

She was well, she was successful, and happy; she was all she was meant to be.

 _You didn’t fail her_.

Cosima’s well-being was all that could help her at the moment, to get out of this sensation of sadness and grief.

She soaped her body, trying to remove the stench of booze from her skin. She washed her hair next, and once she was done she dressed as best as she could, but right before she headed for work, she went to the toilet to throw up.

 

For the first time, she arrived three hours late for work, looking like total shit. Delphine walked to her office, extra-large cup of coffee in one hand, briefcase in the other. Her mind was blank, she had lost her purpose; she had nothing else on which focus all her energy. She was discouraged, and depressed. Her failure had cost the life of an incredible woman, a woman who died too young and had so much to give.

She sat and turned on her laptop. Thanks to the holy virgin, Danielle was online, so she made the call. She needed her best friend now more than ever, since Cosima, the only other person whom she could find comfort in, hated her; wherever she was right now.

“Hey, Delphine, how are— merde, what happened?” Danielle’s eyes on the screen were wide with shock, concern on her delicate features.

“I failed her, Danielle. I let her die.” Delphine took a sip from the coffee, her stomach grumbling in protest. The hot liquid warmed her empty stomach and her head was about to explode, and yet her heart was the one that suffered the most.

“What are you talking about, Del?” Danielle frowned, noting how awful her gorgeous friend looked.

“Jennifer…” Delphine had a lump in her throat. She took another sip of her drink, she wanted to fight the tears, but they started to stream down her face.

“Mon Dieu! Delphine, this saddens me greatly, but you are not God, you did all you could.” Danielle wanted so bad to reach her, to hug her and tell her she was not to blame.

“I was too late, I fixed the sequence, but I was too late,” Delphine sobbed.

“What you did was more than anyone else did for her, Del. I beg you, don’t blame yourself.” Danielle knew her friend very well, she understood how much she had invested in this and how much of herself she had given to this project. Delphine always gave 100%.

“Look, I gotta go, I’m going to meet ma mére. I promise that as soon as I get back I’ll give you a call.”

“Non, I’ll be fine. I just need to cope. You be careful, don’t let your mom get under your skin. She doesn’t know you like I do, she has no clue who the real you is.” Delphine as usual raised her hand to give a virtual high five to Danielle. Danielle nodded and raised her hand as well, touching the screen at the same time as Delphine.

“I’ll call you back. Love you,” Danielle reassured Delphine before disconnecting.

Danielle always made her feel better, she missed her so much. Now it was the time to think what to do, maybe a vacation was what she needed to get rid of her pessimism.

 

Delphine couldn’t do much the rest of the day. She was so down that she spent the whole day in her office, instead of the laboratories, supervising all the different projects she had under her charge; however, Delphine was not in a condition to be in the office, either. She called her secretary to let her know that she wasn’t feeling very well, and that she was returning home.

Instead, she went for a walk in the park. She sat on one of the empty benches and lit up a cigarette. It’d been awhile since she last smoked, but that day it seemed appropriate. She remained on the bench, contemplating the people walking to their respective places, or couples walking hand in hand. Delphine realized how lonely she was; she had been hiding in her laboratory, using science as company, and even science failed her when she needed it the most. Yes, she had fulfilled her dreams of becoming a renowned scientist in the field of research. She was well-respected in the Dyad Institute, and she had reached the top of the science department at a very young age; nonetheless, the emptiness left by a tiny girl in dreadlocks and glasses made her feel incomplete. She went back home and let the sadness eat her up.

 

After spending the rest of the day in her apartment, feeling pity for herself, she went back to work the next day. She had to inform Rachel of the latest news, and it was important to ask authorization before she traveled to California.

“What do you mean, Dr. Cormier?” Rachel was in her office as usual.

“I need to go back to San Francisco; a friend has passed away. I know that this is not the best time, since we are about to complete the new stem cell line, but I assure you that the team can work on that without my presence.” Delphine was so sad that Rachel had to be blind not to notice.

“But of course, Dr. Cormier, how can I deny such a request from our interim director. San Francisco, you said?” Rachel arched her eyebrow. It couldn’t possibly be Cosima, that sadness had to do with someone else, Rachel assumed.

“Oui, your AP government teacher, Ms. Fitzsimmons, passed away. I was working hard on this stem cell line precisely to help her, but I am late. She became a great friend to me, we kept in contact all these years, and she told me about the disease that took her life.” Delphine was truly devastated, but she kept her composure.

“Ms. Fitzsimmons was indeed a great teacher. How can I forget the incredible classes, particularly when she made me work with that… Anyway, I shall join you, Dr. Cormier. Don’t worry about anything; the company’s private plane will take us there in no time.” Delphine thanked Rachel and went back to the lab.

The only thing left was packing her things and getting ready to travel tomorrow to say goodbye to Jennifer.

 

 

 

The flight to San Francisco took them 5 hours. Rachel traveled without her assistant, which was uncommon. Delphine suspected she wanted to meet with Aldous Leekie, the Principal of the school where she met her Cosima. Rachel took one of the company cars and drove them to a hotel. There, she guided Delphine to her room, and Rachel left to do whatever she came to do.

Delphine was nostalgic, the few times she came to visit Jennifer, this city made her long for the lost memories, for the girl she met and fell in love with so many years ago. However, today she came to say farewell to a person who gave her nothing but friendship since she started working at the school, Jennifer Fitzsimmons.

Delphine was anxious and scared of the reaction from her family; all of them had trusted her to do something, and she couldn’t make it in time. She was going to have a hard time sleeping, but she needed the rest; besides, her body was so tired, the flight made her sleep like a newborn.

 

The day of the burial arrived. Rachel wore a black suit, very simple but elegant; she couldn’t help but be fancy all the time. Delphine was also wearing black, her blonde curls were loose and her countenance was gloomy. They arrived on time and Delphine offered her sympathies to the family of her dear friend. Mark gave her a letter written by Jennifer, which made Delphine feel so much worse. The ceremony was short, and Delphine noticed how many of Jennifer’s students where here, how loved she had to be. Jennifer had deserved so much more; she had such a bright future, and now there was none.

Delphine took a deep breath and looked up into the sky. She closed her eyes and asked Jennifer for forgiveness. _Jennifer, I am so sorry. I tried and that’s all I could do for you. Forgive me…_

Delphine opened her eyes again; she was looking at the students present, when she saw _her._

“Always kind of late, always kind of sorry,” Delphine said out loud, making Rachel also look in the same direction. Cosima Niehaus, her ex-student and eternal turmoil was coming. After 10 long years, she finally saw her face to face. Delphine noted that Cosima had matured into the most beautiful and sexiest woman she had ever seen. She wore the same characteristic black rims, and the dreads were in a bun; those fangy teeth of hers in that grin made her heart skip several beats. Delphine was completely paralyzed, and when Cosima raised her eyes and noticed her and Rachel, her expression turned into one of anger.


	17. Chapter 17

“Looking good, Cosima.” Scott gave a high five to his longtime friend.

“Thanks for picking me up, dude. I just wanna crash in my room. I am so damn tired.” Cosima let Scott take her bags and lead her to his car. Scott drove Cosima to her place, where her parents were awaiting her, which was a miracle, since they were both always busy and usually they were pretty oblivious to her demeanors.

“Hey, kiddo, welcome home.” Her dad crushed her in a huge bear hug, and then her mother came to greet her.

“Welcome back, honey, we missed you a lot. How are classes going?” Her mother kissed her cheek and let her through the door, right to the table where her meal was waiting for her.

“We have space for you, too, Scott,” the older woman said invitingly.

 

The four sat to eat, chatting about Cosima’s first semester. Cosima spoke with excitement about all the things she had learned, her research so far, and what her ideas were to develop her dissertation. Everything was going well, Cosima was glad to be home; however, she knew she had to bring up the topic of her current affairs.

“I invited my girlfriend, Danielle, to come. Um, if you don’t mind, pops, could you make your hamburger recipe? ‘Cause I failed miserably.”

Her father laughed. “Kiddo, you just need to practice more. I guarantee that you’re going to have that girl eating from your hand once I teach you a couple more tips.”

“That sounds rad, can you teach me, too, Mr. Niehaus?” Scott chuckled nervously.

“Sure thing, Scott. You’re going to see how the ladies start lining up after they taste it. Don’t you think, sweetie?”

Cosima’s mother deflated her husband’s smile with her stare, which meant it was time to change the topic.

“I’ll bring the dessert.” Cosima’s mom hurried to the oven to take out the pie she made.

“This is hella good. Thanks, mom.” Cosima munched with enthusiasm.

“Anyway, at what time is the funeral, Scotty?” Cosima tilted her head curiously.

“I think in the afternoon. It’s a very intimate ceremony, but I think the swimming team will also pay their respects.” Scott gave Cosima the details for the funeral the next day.

“Gotcha. Thanks, Scott for keeping me up to date.” Cosima patted him on the arm in gratitude.

 

Once all the goodbyes and formalities were over, Cosima returned to her bedroom, where she set up all her things and wrote a short email to Danielle to ask how things in France were. The day was sunny, so Cosima went outside for a walk; she preferred to keep her mind busy instead of being bored as fuck in her bedroom.

She walked a couple of blocks until she reached the park where she used to hang out with that woman. There was the tree where she spent the whole night crying until she fell asleep in the heavy rain. She walked to the swings and sat on one, deciding that she was going to bring Danielle here. She needed to build new memories here with her, happy memories that could replace the pain she still felt in her soul.

After swinging for a while, she jumped off the swing and walked back toward her home. She had to find something to distract her, at least until she could be swept away by Danielle’s charm when she came to visit.

 

 

 

Cosima opened her eyes to find she had slept past the alarm she set the night before. “Are you fucking serious? You had to do it today, as well?” She remembered pressing the snooze button earlier and falling asleep again, which was usual with her. She rolled off her bed and ran to the shower. She had to try to at least make it before the funeral ended. Once showered and dressed, she took her time with her eyeliner; even when it was a funeral, her stupid wings had to be on point. She put her dreads in a bun, and to complete her outfit, she put on her red jacket. She took a cab that left her close to the burial and crossed her fingers that she wasn’t too late.

Cosima paid the taxi driver and walked toward the multitude of people. She was in awe of how many students there were. Of course there would be, Ms. Fitz was hella rad and a great coach, from what she heard from the swimming team.

She walked towards the line of students saying their goodbyes to Ms. Fitz when she spotted on the other side two women who were looking right at her.

“Holy watershed!”

It was _her_. The woman who destroyed her heart was right there in the flesh: Delphine Cormier. Her hair was longer, but the beautiful, blonde curls were the same, majestically surrounding her face like a halo; her fair skin looked so smooth under the sun; and those long legs looked so damn hot in those black jeans. But why was she here? Right, Rachel was also in AP Government with Cosima, which made sense, and that woman was Jennifer’s colleague, friends while she taught classes.

_Alright, dude, you need to stop._

Her heart was beating so damn fast, it was almost like the first time she met her in the mall; she was smitten by her, and this couldn’t happen. Cosima tightened her expression and remained where she was; however, she saw that Rachel Duncan was coming right at her.

 

“Well, if this is not a big surprise. Cosima Niehaus, it’s been a long time.” Rachel smiled, all business.

“Yeah. Ditto. Obvs.” Cosima pushed her glasses on top of the bridge of her nose.

“I heard you are starting your PhD. Congratulations.”

“Sure thing.”

“Dr. Cormier!” Rachel called, and Delphine approached them cautiously. “I believe you remember Cosima, yes?” Rachel was too happy to be real; she was enjoying this meeting, as far as Cosima could tell, for the wrong reasons.

“Oui, I do. Bonjour, Cosima.” That voice sent shivers down her spine; that sweet accent that drove her mad was coming from Delphine’s mouth again, not a dream, but reality.

Cosima raised her eyebrows. “Doctor?” she snorted. “I see you fulfilled your dreams after all, Dr. Cormier.” Cosima was hurt by this; it was stupid, but it hurt like hell. She was not going to endure this, so she turned and walked away.

“Co-si-ma,” Delphine called, but Cosima ignored her and went to offer her sympathies to Jennifer’s family instead. When she turned around, Rachel and Delphine were gone.

 

She let the air she had trapped in her lungs go out slowly, she couldn’t believe the physical reaction she had just by seeing her. She had to keep her distance from Delphine if she was going to be in town. All the damn memories of them together came rushing back, and her stupid heart was beating for that woman like nothing happened, like she was a puppy wiggling her tail at her mistress, and she wasn’t going to allow that, hell no.

She walked toward the casket, kneeled beside it, and left a rose on top of it.

“Thank you, Ms. Fitz, for everything.” Cosima rose from the floor and right when she was about to leave, a man called her name.

“Excuse me, are you Cosima?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” Cosima frowned, not recognizing this man; he wasn’t a classmate.

“I am, I mean, was, Jennifer’s boyfriend, Greg. She wanted you to have this.” Greg extended his hand to give her a letter.

“I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Ms. Fitz was my teacher, and she did a lot for me.” Cosima took the letter in hand, looking at it with curiosity.

“Jennifer wished she could have explained in person, she really wanted Dr. Cormier to be the one to come forward, but she knew her well,” Greg explained, but Cosima was now confused.

“Wait, what does Delph, I mean, Dr. Cormier, have to do with this?” Cosima frowned, she had zero comprehension of what Greg was talking about.

“We owe so much to her. Since Jennifer got sick, she worked hard to make a treatment, but she was too late. It was never meant to happen, I guess. Dr. Cormier and Jennifer developed a beautiful friendship, and I’m grateful for that. She made her smile a lot. Anyway, it seems it’s going to rain, so I have to finish taking care of Jen. Thanks for coming.” Cosima shook the man’s hand and watched him go.

“What the actual fuck?” Cosima was more confused than ever. She looked carefully at the letter in her hand, scared to open it. She put it in her jacket pocket and went to get a cab to return home.

_______

Delphine was destroyed; hearing the anger in Cosima’s voice broke her heart. She wanted so badly to talk to her, to apologize, but she had refused and walked away from her. Delphine felt terribly; she not only failed Jennifer, she also hurt Cosima, and she was paying the price.

The car started to make noises and Rachel stopped the car. “This is just great. You might take a taxi while I wait for the tow truck.”

She wasn’t in the mood to go back to the hotel.

“I’ll take a walk, Rachel; I need to clear my mind.” Delphine waved goodbye and left the tiny woman to her own fate.

Delphine had the letter that Greg delivered in her handbag. She was curious to know what Jennifer wrote to her, but she preferred to wait until she made it back to the hotel. In the meantime, she walked without direction. The sun, even though it was cloudy, felt like it was burning her skin.

 _Cosima_.

She couldn’t stop thinking about her, how she had grown up. Cosima was incredibly beautiful, and now that she was a full adult, she had to admit that she looked hotter. What she would have given to hug her and tell her how sorry she was for leaving her; to feel her skin; to taste her pale lips. She remembered in depth the beautiful moments they shared together, how that girl taught her what love was. How brave and caring she used to be. Cosima Niehaus was an incredible girl, and she really hoped that she was happy, because she realized that she had nothing to do with her life. There was no space for her anymore.

 

After walking for hours, she finally made it into her room, where she opened the bottle of wine she had in her mini fridge and sat down with the letter Greg gave her. She took a sip of the cold beverage and opened the letter.

_Dear Delphine,_

_If you get this, it’s because I’m not here anymore, which is completely fine. You have given me so much; you deserve all the best in life. I forbid you to blame yourself, Frenchie, you did what you could, and you went to distances where others would have given up. Not you. You gave me hope in a moment of darkness, Delphine. Thank you._

Tears started to fall, smudging the ink a bit. Delphine swiped at the tears with the back of her hand and kept reading.

_I will pay you back, my friend. You might be shady sometimes, but I get it, you are entitled to have your secrets and shit, but know that I won’t let you drown in sorrow and solitude. You are no way in hell a caped crusader destined to be doing good in the darkness, you deserve to be acknowledged, and that’s what I’m gonna do. Hope you don’t get mad, Frenchie. Be happy and fight for what you want._

_Love,_

_Jennifer_

 

Once she finished reading, Delphine broke into an uncontrollable sob; she didn’t deserve happiness, not when she had caused so much pain. Delphine took the bottle and sat on her bed. Tonight she was going to drown this pain; however, the Skype sound made her stop before she did something utterly stupid. Again.

Delphine brought the laptop to her bed and pressed the answer key.

“Hey, Del. You look like shit.” Danielle gave her a small smile.

Delphine chuckled; this was the only person who could make her laugh in the worst moment of her life. “Merci beaucoup, Dani. Likewise.”

That made Danielle titter. “Alright, I like that we both look like crap. You go first, dumbass.”

“Jennifer was buried today, she left me a letter. She was very kind, Dani, she didn’t deserve this.” Delphine held the letter tightly in her hand, wiping the new tears forming in her eyes.

“She’s not suffering anymore, Del, she is resting finally, at peace.” Danielle was right, there was no arguing against that. She knew how hard the last month had been for Jennifer.

“C’est vrai, she is. Now your turn, pervert.” Delphine was not going to comment about Cosima, the memory of those hazel eyes burning with hate was still raw in her memory.

“I met Aryanna and I, I punched her.”

Delphine was not expecting that, she burst into laughter. “Are you serious? You did what?”

“Yes, never crossed my mind that I would do that, but I did. I was so mad and yet, I didn’t feel good. Actually, it hurt, a lot. When I saw her, everything came back, Del: the good times, when she was faking our relationship, everything.”

Delphine had the same experience when she saw Cosima earlier, and she had to say that she was lucky that Cosima wasn’t the violent kind to throw punches; nonetheless, Cosima could ruin her in other subtle ways.

“I’m sorry, Dani, but I hope you closed that chapter once and for all.”

“I think I did. I mean, I told her how she ruined me, how she destroyed my life, that I just couldn’t forgive her like that, but I did anyway, because there is someone who deserves my best. I can’t start a new chapter if I don’t let go of the past.”

 

Those words resonated strongly with Delphine. She couldn’t move on if she didn’t tell Cosima why she did what she did, she had to stay and at least try to atone for her sins.

“Good for you, Dani, you have become so strong. I am so proud of you.” Delphine meant it.

“You were the one who held me when things got rough, Del, I’m going to be there for you as well, so wait for me. Jennifer was in San Francisco, right?”

“Oui.”

“Great, I’ll meet you there. Please don’t go back to Toronto, Del. I’ll be there soon. I love you, nerd.”

“No need to come, Dani, I’m not staying here long. Better meet me in Toronto.”

“I have another reason to go to San Francisco, you’ll see it soon.”

“All right then. I love you too, baguette.” Delphine was smiling when she concluded Skyping with Danielle, the only person who had been a constant in her life, the one person whom she could rely without fear of being judged. Danielle would always be family to her.

Always.


	18. Chapter 18

Cosima spent the next day thinking about the letter. She was afraid to open it, so she left it on her desk. She had no clue why she was afraid of a letter from a dead woman, but she was. Cosima was clueless as to why Ms. Fitzsimmons would leave her a letter; therefore, she postponed reading it until she felt confident enough.

She also thought about _her_. It was ridiculous, but she was thinking more about that woman than her own girlfriend, who was supposed to arrive next week. She cared for Danielle a lot, and this was not fair to her. Besides, the blonde had no right to come here and ruin her life again; she was not going to allow it. Cosima wrote a message for Danielle before departing to hang out with Scott.

 

Of course, the first thing that Cosima did was buy a new stash of pot on Height Street, along with Scott. As soon as she had her new merch, the two of them headed to the beach. Cosima was so happy to be back in San Francisco, she loved this city so much; and yet wherever she went, the ghost of that woman was there, so she hid in Minneapolis, and that was the truth.

“Dude, I missed you so much, we are going to have such a blast now that I’m back.” Cosima was walking barefoot on the sand; if there was one thing that she liked, it was being barefoot.

“Yeah, man, I think it’s time you meet those dudes from Berkeley. They are pretty good at Dungeons and Dragons and Rune Wars.” Scott walked close to her friend.

Cosima stopped and turned around to face Scott. “Dude, you serious? I’m going to kick their sorry asses, man. Bring it on.” Cosima gave him a lopsided smile, full of confidence.

Scott giggled. “I know, Cosima, I can’t wait to see their faces when you defeat them.” Scott’s eyes glinted with excitement at the thought.

“Come on, dude, we should buy some ice cream.” The duo made a run for the ice cream shop, where Cosima arrived first. Scott arrived after, lacking breath, kneeling down and catching his breath.

“Oh shit, that was a long run, dude. I’m not up for this anymore.” Scott complained between breaths. “You go inside and buy me a chocolate ice cream.” Scott handed Cosima his money while he waited outside.

 

Cosima went inside the store and ordered chocolate ice cream for Scott and cookies and cream for herself. She paid and walked outside to meet Scott again, except he wasn’t alone anymore.

“I’m glad to hear that, Scott.”

Scott giggled nervously. “Thanks. Oh hey, Cosima, look who I found, it’s Ms. Cormier.”

Cosima walked slowly, gaze fixed on those gorgeous eyes of multiple colors, and stood behind Scott, eyebrows low, lips pursed, letting her know that she was not happy to see her, much less getting any closer.

“I think you mean Doctor Cormier.” Cosima chided, emphasizing the word doctor.

“Oh. Dr. Cormier. Cool.” Scott lisped. He was completely taken aback by her beauty, which made complete sense.

“Co-si-ma,” Delphine whispered like a prayer.

“Here you go, dude. Let’s go, we gotta do important stuff.” Cosima turned around and walked away.

Scott was a bit shocked to see how rude Cosima was being.

“Um, dude. Um, it was really nice to see you, Dr. Cormier. If you need a PCR specialist, you know who to call.” Scott laughed and handed Delphine his business card.

Delphine smiled back at Scott, disarming him completely.

“Merci, Scott.” She waved to him and observed how the tiny ball of fury that was Cosima walked away from her.

 

“Dude, that was so fucking rude, are you insane!?” Scott caught up with Cosima.

“Whatever, Scott.” Cosima was completely annoyed, not that he would understand.

“Geez, dude. Anyway, maybe I’ll have a chance with her now, I mean, did you see that angel face? I can assure you that 90% of the biology class was crushing on her, man.” Scott ate his chocolate ice cream happily, completely disregarding Cosima’s closed fist the more he talked about the topic.

“Do you think it is cool if I ask her out?” Scott wondered out loud. Cosima had lost her appetite already.

“Scotty, could you please stop it already? Enough with her!” Cosima cried.

Scott frowned. “What is it, Cosima?  You jealous or something?” Scott joked, but the way Cosima looked back at him meant she wasn’t.

“You don’t understand, Scott. You have no idea, do you? It was her. The reason I left school was because of her.”

Scott was speechless, trying to get what the hell she was saying.

“No, that makes no sense.  No.”

“You need me to beam you up, Scotty?” Cosima took the melting ice cream from his hands to discard it.

“How? I mean, I was there.” Scott was now more confused than ever.

“Let me tell you a story, Scott.” The two of them walked side by side, Scott listening to the story she had kept to herself, the story of how she fell in love with her high school biology teacher and everything went to shit.

 

“Holy cow. I had no clue, dude. I mean, shit, you were sneaky as hell.” Scott was impressed, he never expected that.

Cosima snorted. “You would have never guessed, dude, you were so clueless. But yeah, I had a thing with the teacher, and then all shit went south. She didn’t fight for us, she didn’t care, I was the only one in love. And so my folks sent me away.”

“It makes sense now, why the rush to get you out, man. But dude, who could blame you, Ms. Cormier was and still is hot,” Scott added.

Cosima snickered, that was true, no point denying the obvious.

“But dude, that’s in the past, right? I mean, you have a girlfriend who makes you happy, dude, why don’t you let it go and forgive her?”

That was a good question. Cosima pondered several minutes, but she had no idea why she couldn’t simply let her go. All she had to do was to tell her that she was happy and that she was over her, not complicated at all, and yet she was avoiding her at all costs.

“I don’t know, dude. I’m gonna have to think seriously about that.”

_______

“I can’t return to Dyad, Rachel, at least not for now. I need to make things right. Besides, it seems that for some mysterious reason, my best friend wants me to stay longer in the city as well, and I would like to spend some time with her.” Delphine barely touched her breakfast, not after seeing Cosima yesterday and how she looked at her with disdain. That hurt her like she never thought it would.

“You deserve a vacation, Dr. Cormier. You have worked non-stop. I’ll let Dr. Bowles know so she can lead the team to conclude all the pending projects during your absence.” Before heading to the suite, Rachel added, “I just hope you find whatever you are looking for, Dr. Cormier.” Rachel gave her a smile and returned to her room, leaving Delphine on her own.

Delphine needed to speak with her, she had to face her once and for all. She was scared to make things worse, but it was important that Cosima knew how things happened and that it was the best for her. The huge problem was that Cosima wouldn’t listen to her; she wouldn’t even look at her. She had run away from her all their previous encounters. Delphine had to find a way to make her listen; in the meantime, she could review Jennifer’s autopsy report to make sure she had all the data of the disease. She was not going to lose again, not like this.

 

 

 

Delphine spent the whole afternoon in her bedroom, typing up the information that could help her understand this autoimmune disease. She was marveled at how weird it was and how surprised Jennifer had to be when she was diagnosed with it. The development of this disease was slow, but the polyps that developed in her uterus spread to her lungs, and then to the rest of her body. In 6 months, it had consumed her. Delphine paid close attention to all the reports and tests she had run during that time. The specificity of the situation required a gene sequence that matched Jen’s, which had been the most excruciating part during this process. The clock kept ticking and she realized how long she had been in her room; she ordered room service and ate a small dinner.

 

After eating, she brushed her teeth and then her hair, all the while thinking about her Cosima. She still had the need to speak with her geek monkey; she drank more wine, trying to dissipate her fears, to gain a bit of courage to face her.

“Her home!” Delphine finally had the brilliant idea to look for her in the place no one would expect her to go: the lair of the enemy, if she had to put it dramatically. If she dropped by Cosima’s place, she had to speak with her, she couldn’t escape, at least not far enough away that she wouldn’t listen.

 

Delphine took her handbag and rented a car, then she drove to the address that she knew by memory and parked her car in front of the familiar house. She was shaking, trembling with anticipation; she was going to have to deal with Cosima’s mother, probably. She gulped down the bottle of wine she brought to gather some courage. She breathed deeply for several minutes and walked to the door.

_Come on, knock already!!!_

Her body was so damn cold; it took her some willpower to move her hand and knock on the door.

She waited one, two, three seconds, and then a man opened the door. He was somewhere in his 50’s, brown hair with a bit of grey on the sides, wrinkles around his eyes.

“Good evening, is Cosima here?” Delphine asked, and in this moment, she felt like a teen again, vulnerable and scared.

“Sure, who’s asking?” The man eyed her suspiciously.

Delphine gulped down before speaking again. “Delphine.”

“Del—“ The man frowned, putting his glasses on to look at her again. “Delphine? OH! I mean, it’s weird that we are meeting each other just now after so many years, Ms. Cormier. Wait here.” The man left the door ajar when he went inside to look for Cosima.

“Holy watershed, kiddo, I don’t blame you at all. I mean, honey, why did you never tell me how hot Ms. Cormier was? My girl has excellent taste,” Delphine could hear Mr. Niehaus say with excitement.

“Wait, what?” That was Cosima.

“Ah. Yes, right. She is out there, hon, she wants to speak with you,” her father reported.

“Shit.” Okay, that was not what Delphine wanted to hear.

“Do you want me to…”

“No, mom. I’m kind of an adult, you know, I can deal with this.” She heard steps getting closer, when the door was opened again, there she was, her petite chiot.

“Cosima, can you please—“

“Look, Delphine, I don’t want you here; leave me alone. You and I have nothing to talk about anymore,” Cosima spat with rage, closing the door in her face.

“Cosima, please let me explain my reasons, don’t be childish!” Delphine insisted, yet the door remained closed.

“Fine!” Delphine scribbled her address on a piece of paper and slipped it under the door. “Cosima, when you decide to stop acting like a child and listen to me, I’ll be waiting there.”

She knew when she had lost a battle. She went back to her car, frustrated with Cosima. She could be stubborn as hell. Delphine turned on the engine and drove away.

_______

Cosima remained behind the door until she heard the engine roar into life. On the floor, she sighted the paper Delphine slid under the door and shoved it inside her pocket.

She walked back toward her bedroom; she needed some time alone.

“Ouch, hon. That was tough, huh?” Her dad gave her a small squeeze as she passed.

“I’m okay, pops.” However, by her gloomy expression it was obvious for her folks that she was far from okay. Cosima climbed the stairs to her room quickly, and once in the safety of her bedroom, she shut the door.

She was mad, but she also understood that the blonde was right; she was being childish by ignoring her request to talk. Which was ridiculous if she was way over her. Wasn’t she? Cosima gazed at the letter on her desk, waiting for her to finally open it. She took the white envelope and sat on her bed, opened it and read it out loud.

“Dear Niehaus, it’s been so many years since we last saw each other, too bad this time you’re seeing me in a casket. You and Duncan turned my class into an interesting place; I had so much fun with your bickering. I had no idea why you left so suddenly, that is, until Delphine contacted me the following year.”

_What the fuck? Why she would do that?_

“Delphine had the weirdest request ever; she was in England at the time, so she required someone she could trust to do this for her. She gave me a list of books that I had to send to you every March. Yes, Cosima, those books were from her.”

_WHAT???_

“Are you serious? The books?” Cosima had to keep reading.

“Trust me, I was extremely shocked by such weirdness; why would she be interested in sending puppy books to you? And then everything made sense: the mess you had become, the mess she had become. You two were in love. And so I did what she asked me to. It was clear with the passing of years that she never stop thinking about you; however, she was reluctant to let you know about this. Now that I’m pretty sure I’m going to kick the bucket, I think the least I could do for Delphine is give her a hand. She worked so hard in designing a gene that could help me that she forgot about her own well-being. Cosima, I know this is hard to accept, but you have to trust your heart. Delphine deserves to be happy. Maybe with you, maybe not, just let her explain. Give her a chance. Take care, Niehaus. All the best, Ms. Fitz.”

Cosima’s lower lip trembled, her eyes were watering, close to spilling the tears she didn’t want to shed. All this time, that woman was the one who bought the books that had kept her company for the last 10 years.

“And the puppy followed the explorer the whole way,” Cosima recited.

Realization hit her: the puppy did follow.

“Delphine.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you read The Destiny that Burns the Most, then you know who's stopping by ;)

Cosima was a sea of confusion. She couldn’t sleep; on the contrary, she started to read each book she got since leaving San Francisco. The books were mostly children’s stories, but each one of them spoke about companionship, loyalty and friendship. Each book described a brave dog and their master, a kid who was in need of company, like her.

How could she not see it, it made complete sense that those belonged to Delphine. Ms. Fitzsimmons never got close enough to her to really understand her, only Delphine did. She was the only person during her senior year who approached her, the only who listened to her, who helped her when she was in need and protected her. Delphine was also the woman who broke her heart.

 

Her cellphone bleeped, and when she checked the message, saw it was from Danielle.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot.” Danielle was coming back from France faster than she imagined, she was going to be here in the City in a couple of days.

“Idiot. How could you forget about your girlfriend, you’re such an ass.” Cosima scratched her head in frustration, she was in need of cold air. It was pretty late, but she was not going to get any sleep. She put on her jacket and went out for a walk.

Cosima was already far from her place, walking immersed in her thoughts, her fast way of thinking, trying to find an answer to her fucked up life, when she bumped someone.

“Shit, sorry.”

“Cosima?”

“Yeah, wait. You are…” Cosima recognized that woman in leather.

“Sarah, Helena’s twin.” Sarah smiled in recognition.

“Hey, yeah yeah, you are. Damn, I’m so glad to see you. You wanna drink something?” Cosima was smiling, it was such a nice feeling to see a friendly face.

“I sure need it.”

The two of them chatted in a small bar; Sarah drank bourbon and Cosima red wine. They chatted about random things for a while, then the conversation turned serious.

“So what brought you here to the city?” Cosima sipped her beverage, eyes fixed on the punk.

“I came here ten years ago, actually. I had issues with... Well, Delphine helped me a lot. I met her in Cambridge, and she gave me a hand when I needed it the most.” Sarah saw the tension in Cosima when she mentioned the name.

“She did? Dr. Cormier is full of surprises, I guess.” Cosima realized that she had no clue what on earth Delphine had been doing in the past few years, but the more people she encountered, the more they were entangled.

“She told me your story. You see, years ago, I also fell in love with the wrong person.” Cosima listened to Sarah’s story, she was in shock when she heard who the person was who ruined Sarah.

“Dude, are you serious? Rachel? I would have never thought about that.”

“Yeah, that surprised me as well. You know? Both our stories began here, now ten years later, we’re back to give closure to them. They are going to come full circle. Rachel did what she did because of me. I was the punk she was looking for. She came here because she knew you could help her.” Sarah gulped down the rest of her whiskey and asked for another one.

“Shit, really? I gave her a wild goose chase; she was pretty obsessed with that info. I imagined she was up to no good, so the list I gave her was of people who passed away. It was you? What were the odds?” Cosima immediately started to think deeper. “Manning? Shit, I had your profile, dude. Incredible.”

“If it wasn’t for me stepping into that road, Rachel would have never come here looking for your help, and she wouldn’t have ruined your relationship with Delphine. This is pretty fucked up. We are connected in such a weird way.” Sarah drank more. Cosima was marveled by this development, never in a million years would she have guessed that she had in front of her the woman who began this chain of events.

“Delphine made her own choices. Rachel made them as well. This is not your doing, man.” Cosima understood how Sarah felt. If it wasn’t for her, Rachel would have never come looking for her, and yet she couldn’t blame Sarah for all the shit that ensued.

“Delphine did it to protect you, she cared for you. I think she still does. I don’t wanna tell you what to do, but let her talk to you, give it closure once and for all. I did, or at least tried.” Sarah finished the rest of her glass.

“I moved on. I’m with someone wonderful now, so that might not be wise. Nonetheless, you’re right, I can’t move forward if I don’t close my past. How was it for you?” Cosima furrowed her brows in curiosity; she tilted her head a bit and her dreads cascaded to the side.

“It sucked. Rachel is difficult, and she doesn’t show much emotion, so it’s hard to read her. I have no clue if she cares for me or not. I can’t keep playing that game anymore. I tried to keep moving forward as well, I even had a kid, but it didn’t work with him. It’s like she branded me.”

“Well, fuck, we really have a lot of things in common. We both have terrible love stories to tell, man. I should speak with Delphine, just listen to her and move on with my life. It’s the only way. Here, this is my contact info, man, I wanna talk to Helena.” Cosima offered a card with her number and email address.

“I will, geek monkey. Good luck with Delphine, and I hope you can be happy with this new person,” Sarah said honestly. She paid for the drinks and hugged the other girl tightly.

“Take care, Cos, and talk to you later.”

“Yeah, you too.” Cosima waved goodbye and went her way.

 

After speaking with Sarah, she felt so much better. It made sense to clear things up with Delphine. If she didn’t speak about what truly bothered her, if she never got out this mixture of feelings, she was never going to let go, and Danielle deserved a healthy relationship, one that was truthful and caring; so yes, she was going to face her demons. Well, in this case, her puppy.

________

Delphine woke up tired, she had been reviewing the autopsy reports, trying to understand what went wrong. The other treatments that Jennifer underwent only helped to ease the pain, but nothing helped to treat the disease directly. Delphine felt so frustrated, so useless and sad. Besides, Cosima was being a huge headache; she simply wouldn’t talk to her no matter what she did.

Delphine headed to the shower and tried to think while the water eased the tension in her back. Her neck was in pain, each muscle tensed, but the thing that hurt the most was her heart. Cosima was being so damn cold, which made sense. She couldn’t blame her; still, those eyes filled with hatred made her hurt inside. Cosima was pure love, carefree, and seeing that she was the one to blame for that sad expression was the worst.

She dressed herself and ordered breakfast to her room; she wasn’t in the mood to go to the hotel restaurant. Instead, she preferred to remain here working, even though she was supposed to be on vacation. But if she didn’t do that, what else was she going to do? Beg for mercy? Plead Cosima to hear her out? Crawl to her house and pray that she would listen? She had no clue what to do. What if her folks ordered a restriction order? What if she got in trouble with the law? This was a complete disaster.

 

Delphine answered emails from the office and then she began to write her research paper on gene therapy. At least this experience with Jennifer was going to help other scientists who found themselves in similar situations; after all, this disease was really uncommon. Delphine kept working hard, burying herself in data and graphs, analyses and conclusions. She was so into her paper that only when her stomach started to hurt did she stop.

“Zut! Again? You need to eat, Delphine; you promised Dani that you were going to take care,” the blonde reminded herself. She stopped what she was doing and called room service, hoping that they didn’t take long, she was starving. She walked to her bed and turned on the TV, maybe she could entertain herself somehow.

A knock on the door came a couple of minutes later, Delphine went to her handbag and took out a couple of bills to give as a tip.

“That was really fast, but I’m glad. I am so hun—“ She stopped mid-sentence.

“Co-si-ma?”

The dreadlocked girl was outside her room, this was a miracle.

“You wanted to talk?” Cosima was so serious, which was weird, Cosima always had a smile on her face; seeing her like this was painful.

Delphine moved to the side and invited her in. Cosima walked cautiously, observing her surroundings, then she stood behind the small desk where Delphine had all the reports regarding Jennifer’s case.

Delphine closed the door and walked to where Cosima was waiting. She noticed she didn’t sit, which meant she was not planning to stay here long.

“So, what do you want?” Cosima said flatly, her jaw tense, lips pursed.

“I’m sorry, Cosima. I’m deeply sorry for all the pain I caused. There is no excuse for what I did, if only I had been responsible, none of this would have happened,” Delphine admitted.

“But it did. I was at fault, too. I should have been smarter.”

“Non, Cosima, you did nothing wrong, you were a kid. And for that I’m sorry.” Delphine tried to reach her, but Cosima took a step back, keeping her distance from her.

“Why?” Cosima asked, her voice wavering a bit. “I mean, was any of it real?” The longing in her voice, the hurt in her eyes; this was the most vulnerable she was going to be, and that shattered Delphine completely.

“Cosima, I— Merde! Just wait a second.“ Delphine was about to tell her how much she loved her, how she never stopped thinking about her, but the chance was gone.

 

A knock on the door ruined the moment; Delphine went to get her food and left the tray on the kitchen table. When she came back to Cosima, her walls were up again.

“Look, it doesn’t matter what happened, Delphine, it’s in the past. I’m done with this, with you. I just want to move on, be happy with someone whom I can trust.” Cosima lowered her voice, trying to keep her emotions in check. “I wanted to trust you.” Her voice cracked a bit.

“You can trust me!” Delphine insisted, reaching for her petite girl, but Cosima avoided her.

“HOW? It’s nothing but lies with you! The books? I thought they were from Ms. Fitz!”

“Cosima, if you knew they were from me, you would have never taken them. You’re too stubborn. I just wanted to remind you that you were never alone, not entirely.”

“What do you know?” Cosima snorted.

Delphine gave her a small smile. “When you were that cheeky girl in class, when you were annoyed with Rachel, when you were angry, when you smiled, when you cried. I was there, remember? I got to know each side of you, the real you, Cosima. And that’s why I know how much you suffered.” Delphine was close to the petite girl, she was getting through to her, so she fixed her gaze in those hazel eyes surrounded by black eyeliner, and kept going. “It was real, what we had was not a lie nor a game. I lo—“

“I have a girlfriend.” Cosima cut her statement short like a knife cutting through skin. “She makes me smile, I have fun with her, and she is not shady as you, Delphine. I can’t go through this with you again; goodbye, Delphine.” Cosima’s lip trembled, her eyes were watery like she was holding the tears in, on the verge of breaking down. She headed to the door faster than a bullet, out of Delphine’s life again.

“Cosima!!! COSIMA!!!” Delphine wanted to stop her, but she had no right. She was with someone else, and that revelation hurt like a bitch.

 

Delphine had lost her appetite; she was hurting so damn much, dying of jealousy of this girlfriend. Cosima was with someone who made her happy, someone who hopefully loved her as much as she did. And yet, Delphine couldn’t let her go; she could not resign herself to lose that girl without a fight. Was she really over her? Was their love really left in the past? Delphine had to find out if Cosima was truly happy, and there was only one person who could help her reach her. Delphine went into her handbag and took out a card, punching the numbers into her phone and waiting for an answer.

“Hello, Scott? It’s Delphine. Um, there is something I would like to discuss.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you're gonna like this chapter ;)
> 
> This is for you, D. Hope you feel better dude.  
> xx  
> C.

Cosima was scared shitless, and not because of what Delphine said. She was scared of her body’s reaction to the French woman. How was it possible that after only five minutes with her, she felt seventeen again, back in that damn classroom. Her heart was  going 100 mph, she was nervous as fuck and a mess. She wanted to scream, to cry, to laugh; she had no clue what the hell was going on.

 

She kept walking as far as she could from that place, afraid that Delphine would follow. She was supposed to feel an intense hatred, where the hell did it go? Hearing that lovely accent; seeing those puppy eyes and that majestic unicorn hair, made everything worse. She felt naked around Delphine; she felt she was that stupid girl who fell in love with the majestic being that was Delphine Cormier. And that was hella wrong.

Cosima reached a safe zone and lit a joint, she was too stressed by this development. Delphine apologized, and yet she wasn’t going to forgive her just like that. She had been lying all this time, how dare she say what they had was real, when it was her who told that it was a game, a huge mistake. Cosima was not going to fall under her spell again. Besides, she had Danielle, which represented a real chance at happiness. Danielle was such an incredible woman, how she was doing the stupidity of meeting with Delphine when she had to be thinking on her girlfriend. She had to prepare everything to make her visit the most amazing and Delphine was not going to stop her.

 

 

 

The sky was full of clouds, greyish, with a lot of wind blowing from the coast; the probabilities of precipitation where around eighty percent. Cosima walked as fast as she could, closing her jacket up to her neck to protect her from the cold. She was finishing the groceries shopping to have everything ready to prepare a welcome party for Danielle, and she had a night game with Scott tonight as well; and she was going to be freaking late, no surprise there.

She reached her home after almost hitting a poor old lady. That’s why she left the driving to her pops, she was a danger to society, on four wheels. She left all the groceries on top of the kitchen table and hurried to her room to change clothes. Scott was probably already playing with the rest of those nerds from Berkeley. He was going to kill her.

After she finished arranging her looks, she took the bus that dropped her one block away from Scott’s, and she arrived almost forty minutes late. She knocked on the door and Scott greeted her.

“Dude, where the hell were you?” Scott let her in and guided her to the living room, where the rest of the guys were playing.

“Sorry, man, had to do tons of shit first.” Cosima waved to the guys.

“This is Cosima. Cosima, the boys.” Scott offered a space at the table to Cosima.

“All right, let’s see what you got.” Cosima cracked her knuckles and took her seat.

 

“OOOOOOOH, there you go, bitches, you were totally pwnd.” Scott gave Cosima a high five, taking a drink from his glass of beer. Cosima drank from her bottle of beer as well and then took a hit.

“And that, kiddos, is how you play.” Cosima grinned, savoring the victory.

_DING DONG_

“Oh, be right back.” Scott went to open the door while the rest prepared the board to play again. They had been doing this same pattern for hours, drinking and smoking pot. Cosima was probably going to end up drunk if she kept at it like this.

“Alright, dummies, get ready to roll.” Cosima was preparing her area when she realized that the boys were completely silent and staring like idiots.

“Bonsoir.”

Cosima looked up to meet the most gorgeous eyes on the planet. “Shit, what the fuck, Scott?”

“Boys, meet Dr. Delphine Cormier. She’s visiting from Toronto aaaaaand is the director of the Dyad Institute.” Scott was laughing like a jerk.

“Enchantée.” Delphine smiled to all the guys at the table, and they were completely under her spell: the enchantment of the French puppy.

Cosima walked over to where Scott was and pulled him into the kitchen.

“We need to talk, NOW.” Delphine stayed with the nerds, while they tried everything to claim her attention.

“What the actual fuck? Why did you invite her?” Cosima was utterly pissed with Scott, she felt betrayed.

“Dude, chill. Delphine is hella rad, man,” Scott defended his decision.

“You whore! What did you do?” Cosima knew her friend, very well.

“Um, well, she really wanted to talk to you, and she told me that I might find a place in the Dyad Institute as a PCR expert if I helped her,” Scott confessed.

“Oh, shit. You are an ass, dude. You sold yourself.” Cosima couldn’t believe this. She hit the table, hard.

“Cosima, it’s just a fun night. Give her a chance. You don’t have to do anything with her, dude. Just ignore her, okay?” Scott went back and Cosima followed.

 

She didn’t like that Delphine was surrounded by those morons, and that was a huge problem. For all that she tried to ignore her, she couldn’t. She watched how the four stooges and Delphine drank beers and talked science-y stuff on the couch, while she was brooding in the corner, smoking pot and drinking beer. After awhile, the conversation changed to entertainment, which caught her attention.

“You don’t know how to play board games?” asked one of the Berkeley boys, who was looking at Delphine with lust, and that was awful. _Jerk._

“Non, sorry.” Delphine gave him an apologetic smile.

“I can teach you,” offered Moron Number Two.

“Yeah, I bet,” Cosima snarked, she took another hit and took her seat at the table with the rest of the guests.

“The only game I know is poker. When I was in college, me and my best friend used to play, ehm, what was it? Oh yes, strip poker,” Delphine commented innocently.

“Yes, I wanna play!” Scott laughed nervously, his cheeks reddening.

“No, hell no! No one is going to play strip poker,” Cosima growled. When she realized how ridiculous she was acting, she took a sip of her beer and added, “I mean, yeah, let’s play poker, but no need to strip. I don’t want to embarrass you assholes.” Cosima moved to the game table.

“Here you go, Delphine.” Moron Number Three opened a beer bottle for Delphine and gave her a seat at the main table.

Scott removed the board game they previously had on the table, then put out the cards and sat with the rest of the gang. Beer and pot was distributed, and Scott shuffled the cards once everybody was in place. “Alright, put your bets on the table, ladies and gents.”

 

By 2:53am, the only players remaining at the table were Cosima and Delphine; they had taken the rest of the boys’ money. It was a battle of wits, and who was less drunk or high at the time.

Cosima exhaled the smoke from her lungs, observing Delphine’s poker face, which was the most adorable thing ever.

_Shut up, stupid._

Scott dealt the cards and Cosima saw that she had a great combo; three of a kind. It was time to crush this bitch. Delphine made her bet.

“I see your $30 and raise to $50.” Cosima threw the money to the center. Delphine smiled, and why did that send butterflies through her stomach?

“So, strip poker?” Cosima gulped down the rest of her beer. For some reason, she was too hot, and the beer was not cold enough. She needed to distract Delphine and maybe read her body language.

“Oui, my best friend was into these things, she took me to one of her games and it was fun, so I kept playing.” Delphine sipped her beer, the way her throat moved while drinking was too alluring for Cosima. A tiny drop of sweat slid down her neck. Cosima followed the drop’s trail until he couldn’t see it anymore.

“You sure you want to play aggressive? You should have taken the call.” Delphine made her return her attention to the game.

“OOOOH, the action is so damn good.” Moron Number One was into the game, pretty drunk and without cash.

Cosima laughed. “You are so full of yourself, Dr. Cormier.” However, she couldn’t avoid picturing a younger Delphine almost bare while playing cards.

“All in,” Delphine called.

“WHOOOA, shots fired!” Scott was utterly excited with how this game was developing.

“You’re bluffing,” Cosima accused, yet Delphine took it calmly and took a good hit of her joint.

“Non, ma chérie. I would never lie to you.” Delphine bit her lip, looked at Cosima like she was the most precious thing in the universe, and giggled; it was hard to keep a poker face when one was pretty drugged.

“But you did! I call-” Cosima put all her money in the pot.

“To protect you! To guarantee a future for you, chérie.” Delphine gulped down the rest of her beer and looked with saddened eyes at the girl in front of her.

Cosima stared at her hard; this game was getting too dramatic. She kept smoking, ignoring her puppy eyes.

“Show us what you got.” Scott pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with excitement.

“Three of a kind. BOOM!” Cosima had a lopsided grin, confidence to the max.

Delphine looked at her cards, then she simply laid them on the table.

Cosima’s grin disappeared and she arched her eyebrow. “Straight?” Cosima started to laugh, she had no idea if it was the pot, or the alcohol, but whatever it was, she felt so damn relaxed, even after being left in bankruptcy. “I’m gonna go outside, dude. Need fresh air. Well-played.”

“Damn, Dr. Cormier kicked some ass today.” Scott picked up the winnings and gave them to Delphine.

“Merci, it was fun playing with you all.” Delphine stood up and went after Cosima while the boys cleaned the gaming area.

________

Cosima was splayed on the grass, looking at the stars; she had her joint in one hand, the other behind her head. Delphine sat beside her.

“The sky is beautiful,” Cosima commented casually, a lazy smile on her face; her eyes were averted to the stars, pupils dilated due to the drug in her system.

“It is, but you are more beautiful.” Delphine leaned back on the grass.

Cosima chuckled. “I’m not gonna deny that I was hurt when you left. I really thought we were meant to be.” Cosima took a hit and passed the joint to Delphine, who accepted it. Cosima was maybe offering a peace treaty, probably not; however, Delphine knew this was the most she was going to get, under the weird circumstances.

 

Delphine inhaled the weed, feeling light in her head and her heart; it put a stop to so many confusing thoughts, no wonder Cosima did this so often.

Delphine passed the joint back to Cosima; she propped herself on her elbow and turned to face the girl resting on the grass.

“I did care about you, Cosima. I still do.” Delphine raked her fingers in her hair, trying to fight the temptation to touch her.

“I told you what I felt; you said it was a game. You never loved me.” Cosima exhaled.

“I had to push you away, Cosima. If I had taken you with me, you wouldn’t be where you are today. I had to let you go,” Delphine confessed.

“That was my decision, not yours to make!” Cosima barked, finishing her joint and sitting up; she was a bit dizzy.

“I’m sorry, I guess you’re right. You were an adult, but neither I nor your parents gave you a chance. I messed up badly with you, but I was worried for you, for your future, and you were ready to throw everything away for us. It wasn’t fair. I failed you back then and I’m sorry.”

Cosima rested her head on her knees; she was so tired and sleepy, confused and angry. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” She laughed. “I can’t think straight. Get it?” She faced Delphine with a huge dorky smile. Delphine cracked up at the stupid joke, and the two of them cackled in laughter. When the laughter died, Delphine continued.

“Tell me, what do you want me to do?” Delphine stared into those beautiful eyes, at those lips. She couldn’t stop herself from reaching for her, so she cupped her face, and Cosima looked at her intently.

“If you’re really happy, if that woman makes you happy, I’ll step back. So tell me, Cosima, should I stay or should I go?” Delphine caressed that soft cheek with her thumb; she was so warm; she smelled of pot and booze, and underneath it all, she smelled like Cosima, her Cosima.

 

Cosima started to laugh, rolling on the ground, escaping the blonde’s grasp, and Delphine started to giggle as well. It seemed both were pretty high or drunk, or both.

“Are you going to answer?” Delphine arched her brow, smiling at the cheekiness of that lovely girl.

“If you catch me.” Cosima bolted to the door, laughing like a maniac, stumbling around the small backyard, the booze disorienting her. Delphine went after her; she obviously had the advantage, since she had longer legs, and bumped into the petite shit that was Cosima. The two fell back on the grass, laughing, Delphine rested on top of Cosima, who stopped and looked at her. Cosima entangled her fingers in her curls, the glorious blonde curls that she loved so damn much. Gathering her breath after the strenuous activity, she found dreamy eyes staring back at her, eyes dark with hunger.

Delphine moistened her lips, she could feel her heart way over its usual rhythm, and she leaned down; close, closer; and closed her eyes. She kissed her softly, tasting the cherry lips of Cosima, feeling her tremble under her. Cosima responded to the kiss, opening for her, intensifying the pressure of lip against lip. Delphine held her weight with her arms, trying not to crush the tiny girl under her while she kept savoring the glory, the taste of heaven and Cannabis. Cosima rolled them and now she was under her girl; she quickly snaked her arms around Cosima, to never let her go, when—

“Dude…“

The two women split apart, embarrassed. Cosima turned around to face the four idiots looking at them open-mouthed. She rolled her eyes and removed her weight from the blonde.

“All right you idiots, BEAT IT!” Cosima went after them like a mad woman.

 

Delphine sat up and giggled at the interaction of the others; it was like being in high school all over again. She closed her eyes and touched her lips; the taste of Cosima lingered, it was like a dream. She went inside the house after the drunken voices inside were mute and found Cosima alone.

“You okay? Want me to drive you home?” Delphine asked. That was probably a terrible idea.

“Can you drive? I mean, we are kinda drugged, you know. Besides, Scott is driving those assholes and will probably stay there. I just wanna lay down. I’m kind of tired.” Cosima went to the fluffy couch and patted the cushion beside her, inviting Delphine.

Delphine smiled and snuggled with Cosima. At least for a couple of hours, she could live the dream, be in the fantasy and enjoy her company. The magic spell was going to break when morning came, no need to rush it, not at all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advanced Birthday gift for you, Ellie, thank you for reading and have a wonderful day!!!  
> xx  
> Tana

The morning was chilly, and yet Cosima felt so comfortable. It’d been awhile since she felt so warm in the morning, she was used to waking in the cold and emptiness of her bed, so why was she feeling so damn cozy? She opened her eyes slowly, covering her eyes when the light filtering through the window hit them.

She blinked, trying to get her senses to work properly, observing her surroundings; this was a familiar place, Scott’s geek cave. Cosima was trying to remember what on earth had happened, which was all pretty foggy at the moment, when she felt someone stir beside her.

Cosima’s first reaction was to tense, she thought the worst, that she did something stupid, but then she realized she still had her clothes on. She sighed in relief.

_Wait a minute._

Cosima turned around slowly, and when she noticed the blonde curls, she fell off the couch.

“Shit.”

She was on the floor with eyes wide open in horror, her head was killing her and she was so damn confused, because she couldn’t remember how she ended up on the couch with Delphine; however, the reality was that she and Delphine had cuddled together. She kept staring at the woman on the couch, the way she slept peacefully, the way her blonde curls were disheveled; she was so damn beautiful it hurt. Cosima went to the bathroom to wash her face and try to wake up, because she was sleepy as fuck, and this situation required her full attention. Once she was a bit more awake and coherent, she headed to the kitchen and gulped down a glass of cold water. She sat on the kitchen counter, thinking, retracing her steps since Delphine came to the party.

_Calm down stupid, think._

_Golden Curls arrived with Scotty, then those idiots from Berkeley started hitting on her. After that, we played cards, yes. I lost, shit. I was pretty high by the end of the game, hella drunk, too. Goddammit, what else!?_

“Bonjour, Cosima.”

 

Delphine startled the dreadlocked woman on the counter; she gave Cosima a tentative smile. Nonetheless, Cosima kept her face expressionless.

“I, um, whatever happened last night doesn’t mean a thing,” Cosima stated dryly; it was the only way she could conceal how shaken she was by the gorgeous woman in front of her. She had truly forgotten how beautiful she looked in the first morning rays; her mental image was lacking the real beauty of Delphine.

Delphine arched a brow. “‘Whatever happened?’ You don’t remember?” Delphine asked.

“It’s all blurry, for now,” Cosima answered in all honesty.

“I’ll make some coffee, it might help with the headache. Hope Scott doesn’t mind.” Delphine went to the stove and started making the coffee.

Cosima was definitely more confused, what was she supposed to rememb—

“HOLY WATERSHED!”           

It came back to her like a tsunami: her laughter, her eyes on hers; and her lips, the taste of those luscious lips; they had kissed and it was like she never left; she felt the same tingle in the depths of her stomach when she first kissed her so many years ago. Her body memory reacted to Delphine’s shape, the way she caressed her, how she fit perfectly between her arms.

“SHIT!”

“You okay?” Delphine turned around, a worried expression on her face.

Cosima drank more water; how stupid of her to fall under her spell again. Her resolve dissolved under the influence of the pot and booze, her walls were down and she fell in that woman’s net; she was trapped like prey in a spider web.

 

Cosima nodded, afraid to speak. Delphine continued making coffee, which was utterly surreal. How weird was this situation where she was about to have breakfast with her ex?

_She was more than an ex and you know it, stupid._

“There you go, cream and two sugars.” Delphine handed her the hot cup, which smelled really good, particularly now that she was feeling like shit.

Delphine sat at the far corner of the table, which was perfect; Cosima was already too stressed having her so close.

“Look, Delphine, I get you’re sorry, just don’t expect forgiveness right away. I mean, you are so untrustworthy, you’ve told so many lies, how’d you expect me to believe in you again?” Cosima drank the coffee and gosh, it was delicious. That woman remembered how she liked her coffee.

“I know, but trust that I did everything for your well-being, please believe it.” Delphine sipped her own coffee.

“So being apart was for the best? That’s what you’re saying?” Cosima finished her coffee, she wanted out of here. She was drowning in feelings, and that was not good.

“We weren’t ready, Cosima. You were a kid, I was a student. You know it was going to be a mess for both of us. So yes, it was for the best,” Delphine insisted.

“That’s bullshit! I was just stopping you from becoming the almighty Dr. Cormier.” Cosima stood up angrily and hit the table hard with her palm; she was going to let all her pain out.

“Cosima, don’t be childish, you know better than I that it was for your own good!”

“BULLSHIT!!! I was just entertainment for you! I loved you, Delphine, I chose you, and you couldn’t do the same for me. End of story.”

“I had to do it! You deserved a future, Cosima, why are you so stubborn to see it!?” Delphine was on her feet as well, tearing her throat with yelling to make her understand how much she meant for her, how hard it was to make the decision.

“THAT WAS MY DECISION, NOT YOURS TO MAKE!”

“What decision, Cosima? THERE WAS NO DECISION!! That was the only way.”

“Get out!” Cosima growled, fists closed tight over the table separating them.

“Cosima, just listen—“

“GET OUT!!”

Delphine sighed in defeat, took her things and left.

Cosima was furious; she picked up the coffee cup and threw it, the glass shattering on the wall. Then she let her tears flow freely, she was not going to let Delphine see her cry, to see her shame and pain, never again.

 

 

 

The following days, Cosima remained in her room; the thorn that hurt her the most felt raw in her heart, the wound open again. Delphine had come back to confuse her feelings, to make her doubt what she felt for Danielle, and that was wrong.

She cared for Danielle, and even in her absence, she deserved the utmost respect. Cosima had been behaving like a teenager all over again, drooling over the hot teacher. It was undeniable that Delphine Cormier was always going to be beautiful in her eyes; a woman who made her feel love for the first time and also pain. She asked for forgiveness, but she simply couldn’t concede that to her, her pride and heart were so damn torn that she didn’t deserve it, and yet, that was the only possible way she was going to be able to move on with Danielle.

“Hey, gorgeous, how’s everything going? Cosima asked her girlfriend, who was Skyping with her.

“Really good. I have been dealing with several offers, and I might have a clear idea where I want to go next.” Danielle smiled, happy to see Cosima.

“Oh, I’m hella happy for you. I guess I’ll be seeing you soon?” Cosima gave her a dopey smile.

“Oui, a couple more days and I’ll be back with you,” Danielle laughed.

“Cool. I wanna show you around, if you know what I mean?” Cosima winked mischievously.

Danielle giggled. “Brat.” Danielle frowned and got closer to the webcam. “Are you okay? You look sad.” Danielle knew about sadness; she was the queen of sad, so she could recognize sad eyes a mile away.

“Um, no. I mean, it’s nothing important. I can deal with it.”

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” Danielle offered kindly.

“Nah, really, it’s nothing.” Cosima pondered for a minute, maybe if she asked for advice, at least Danielle was more sensible than Scott the traitor. “Um, actually, can I ask you something?”

Danielle nodded. “Go ahead.”

“If someone hurt you badly, like really badly, and that person returned to ask for forgiveness, what would you do?”

That left Danielle in shock; it was too close to home. “I think…well, I’d punch them in the face.”

Cosima laughed, without the knowledge that, indeed, that’s exactly what she did. “No, for real, dummy.”

Danielle smiled like she intended it as a joke. “right. Forgiveness requires a lot of strength, if you want to show them how far you have come, then forgive them. You will feel better, I guess.” Danielle felt a bit better after her own experience; however, she couldn’t forget the way Aryanna fell to the floor when she punched her, how even after that, when she bust her lip and nose, Aryanna begged her to forgive her, cried until she made her feel things she shouldn’t. Aryanna had changed for sure, she wasn’t that arrogant, cocky Italian girl anymore.

“Okay, thanks. See you soon.” Cosima waved goodbye to Danielle and took a pull from the joint she had in her ashtray. Forgiving Delphine would mean she was over her, that she was fine with whatever she did. She took a glance at her bookshelf, where she kept the books Delphine sent her through Ms. Fitz, and she remembered the letter where she asked her to give her a chance.

 

Cosima took the last book she sent her, _A Dog Came, Too_ and read it again. Now that she knew the truth, the story made so much sense. Delphine had been following her through each story; she had been with her in her moments of solitude, of loneliness; in a sense, Delphine never left her, she was her puppy. That didn’t mean all her lies were forgotten; nonetheless, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. She had done it to protect her, to give her a future.

Cosima went downstairs to eat dinner when her mom called. She sat at the table and played with the food with her fork; she barely touched it.

“Honey, what’s up with you?” her mom asked, worried.

“Not hungry.” Cosima was spacing out, not paying attention to her folks.

“Does this have to do with your French blonde?” her father asked.

That caught their daughter’s attention. “What do you mean?”

“She’s been in her car parked outside for a while, but you have remained in your room. I had to wonder if it was related.”

“What!? Again? We are going to need a restraining order.”

“Mom! Could you just stop. I have grown up, in case you haven’t noticed. I will deal with this.” Cosima stood up from the table and walked outside to meet Delphine. Cosima zipped up her jacket, the gray clouds announced the imminent rain. She waited until Delphine noticed her and followed her to the park.

 

Cosima sat in one of the swings; Delphine came a couple of minutes later and sat in the swing next to her.

“I’m sorry.” Delphine pushed softly with her long legs, moving slowly back and forth.

“Yeah, I have heard that a lot,” Cosima retorted sarcastically.

“I mean it.”

“I know. Look, I don’t want to fight.”

“Me neither.” Delphine looked at Cosima with those doe eyes that sent butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

“Tell me what you want me to do, Cosima.”

The first drops of rain started to fall, the sound of thunder rattled the trees, and the wind blew the leaves on the soil.

“Tell me the truth, for once.” Cosima jumped from the swing, landing gracefully. She walked under the huge tree for cover from the rain that started to pour.

Delphine hurried to cover from the heavy rain; the thunder echoed in the distance, the wind started to blow harder. Cosima crossed her arms around her body, giving herself some warmth.

“The truth is that I did what I had to do, because I cared for you. I gave up on us because I wanted what I thought was best for you.” Her blonde curls were plastered to her face, the rain was falling hard and the tree was barely stopping them from being completely soaked.

Cosima removed her fogged-up glasses; she couldn’t see a thing with them on. Her teeth were rattling from the cold.

“I missed you so much, every day that I was without you hurt; I felt so lonely, I was unhappy, I needed my cheeky girl.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one suffering like a fool,” Cosima responded.

Delphine reached for her, her palm covering her cold cheek, making eye contact, making sure she understood how much she meant each of her words.

Cosima looked into them, eyes that she dreamt of for the last ten years, and her lips, those lips that she died to kiss so much in the past were damp and ready to be bitten by her.

“Cosima…” Delphine took one step forward, imploring her, begging Cosima to believe in her.

Cosima gulped, she was afraid to move, she was cold; she was shivering and her heart was beating so fast it was about to rip her soaked shirt. Delphine was inches from her, she could feel the heat radiating from her body.

“S’il vous plait,” Delphine whispered. She leaned in and closed the gap left between them, and kissed her.

Cosima pressed closer to the taller woman, seeking refuge to escape the cold from the rain and the loneliness of her heart. Their mouths battled for control, but there was none, only what they felt: so much hurt, pain, anger, frustration, love.

 

All their feelings poured into the tight embrace, into the kiss they shared under the thunderous rain. Cosima wasn’t thinking, she just let her body react. She forgot for one second who she was, what that woman did, and let her heart take control of her actions instead of reason.

Delphine pushed her against the trunk of the tree, her hands roaming desperately across the familiar hips, pulling clothes and feeling the wet hot skin underneath it. Cosima pushed her tongue deeper, anchoring her hands on familiar shoulders, pushing with the tips of her toes to reach that angelic face. Delphine was all over her, so desperate and needy; she kissed her neck, trailing kisses along her jawline. Cosima relaxed completely under her attack, allowing access to wherever the blonde wanted to be. Delphine bit and sucked hard, the mix of pleasure and pain heightening her senses. The thunder roared in the distance, drowning the moans of pleasure of the dreadlocked woman.

Delphine removed the bothersome red jacket from Cosima’s shoulders, and once she was freed of the material she kept kissing her, feeling her body, each curve, each freckle, every precious inch of skin that belonged to Cosima Niehaus. Delphine was showing her with her actions how much she meant to her. The desire was eating them, both fell to their knees and kept kissing, Delphine laid Cosima into the mud and covered her with her larger frame, then kept on ravaging her with her love. The two women splayed on the muddy soil under the rain kissing, it was a complete disaster, and yet they didn’t care; it was only the two of them at that moment, no past, no parents, no decisions, nothing, only their feelings.

 

However, reason had to take command sooner rather than later, and Cosima pushed Delphine away.

“No! STOP!” Cosima sat upright, catching her breath. She put her dark-rimmed glasses back on top of her nose. “I can’t.” Delphine was a bit hurt by the sudden rejection, but she remained at a distance.

Cosima rose from the puddle of mud, waving her hands in that charming way that Delphine loved so much. “This can’t go on anymore, I’m done with you, Delphine. I forgive you, now leave me alone, please.” Cosima turned around and resumed her walk back home. Delphine went after her, desperate for an explanation. She grabbed her arm, but Cosima shook away from her grasp, turned around. And

_SLAP!_

The sudden movement caught Delphine by surprise. She was agape, her hand touching her cheek where she still felt the sting of the hit.

“Co-si-ma,” Delphine begged.

“I don’t want you here anymore! I’m happy now; you can’t come back into my life and destroy everything I have worked for. LEAVE!” Cosima’s voice broke, she fought hard to look tough, but it was difficult.

“Cosima, don’t push me away, please. Let me help you sort this thing out.”

“Yeah, like you helped Ms. Fitz?” Cosima spat, and by the reaction of Delphine, who lowered her head in defeat, knew she hurt her and bad, but she was too angry to say anything else. She turned around and ran back to her house before Delphine could notice that there were tears on her face instead of rain droplets. She ran as fast as she could, never looking back.

She opened the door and closed it just as fast. She leaned on the wooden door and breathed in and out.

“Oh God, Cosima, are you okay? We were worried sick.” Her mother looked at her with preoccupation; she was dripping water and mud in the entryway, dirtying the carpet.

“I’m fine,” Cosima barked. She avoided the looks from her folks and ran to the sanctuary of her room. She shut the door, removed her soaked clothes and got into the tub, she turned on the hot water and she left herself cry in the privacy of her own bathroom, where no one could hear her, or ask her what was going on, because she couldn’t admit that this hurt her just as much as the first time ten years ago. She knew that what she said to Delphine was low; it wasn’t fair, and yet she wanted to make her hurt like she hurt for her, and worse, she wasn’t completely over Delphine Cormier. She still had a thorn that hurt the most.


	22. Chapter 22

The gray clouds were visible through her window, she was still in bed, not wanting to move. She just wanted to disappear. Delphine was hurting for Cosima; she wanted to be there for her, but every time she got close to her, she made her hurt. She was making everything worse. Cosima pushed her away, she didn’t want her close anymore, and it was so painful to be like this. Delphine had come with the resolution to be completely honest, to make things right, and she ended up doing the opposite. However, she was still in San Francisco, she hadn’t packed her bags and returned to Toronto. She stayed for the sole reason of getting her back, to make Cosima to fall in love with her again. She wanted to tell Cosima how she made her feel, but she noted that the dreadlocked geek wasn’t ready to hear those three words she wanted so desperately to say.

There had to be something left of what they had, or else, why had Cosima kissed her like that? The kisses they shared, the caresses, all of what happened in the last few days was only proof that Cosima still had feelings for her; she had to believe this, it was the only thing that made her stay.

 

Delphine finally got up from bed and walked to the restroom. She bathed and dressed casually, then she called room service and waited for her breakfast in the solitude of her room. She sat on the couch and closed her eyes, recalling the soft hands of Cosima roaming over her back, the way her sweet lips traced her neck and how she buried her face in her curls. She also remembered her harsh words of how she couldn’t save Jennifer. She was right; she was too late to help her friend. Delphine felt so empty inside, the one who could have helped her heal pushed her away. Danielle did what she could to ease her pain, but she couldn’t fill the hole she had in her soul, only Cosima could. She loved her so much, she did; and if she really was happy with this so-called girlfriend of hers, she was going to step away, but not before she was sure that there was nothing else to fight for.

Once her breakfast arrived, she ate, brushed her teeth, answered several e-mails from work, then went out again to meet the woman who had her heart in her hands, Cosima Niehaus.

 

She drove through the rain until she reached her place; she cut off the engine and walked to the porch. Delphine knocked on the door, waiting impatiently until someone opened. She waited, but no one came.

“Are you serious, Cosima? Stop being a child and talk to me!” Delphine said out loud, making sure that Cosima heard her. She knew she was in there, in her room, and that her folks were at work, like usual. She was left alone to her endeavors. Nothing had changed in the Niehaus household.

“Cosima! Merde. Stop ignoring me!” Delphine was frustrated, Cosima was being a hardass and she didn’t want to listen. She leaned on the door and she could hear the creak of stairs. Cosima was close.

“I’m not going to go away unless you talk to me.” Delphine talked to the door, hoping that Cosima was close to listen.

“Just answer me one simple question, Cosima, that’s all I want,” Delphine insisted.

Seeing that no one was opening the door anytime soon, Delphine sat on the railing enclosing the veranda. “I told you, I’m not leaving until we talk.” She lit a cigarette and waited.

 

The rain fell steady, the sound was almost like a melody, the raindrops hitting pavement while the wind blew. For Delphine it was beautiful, nature’s magic. She finished her cigarette and went back to the door. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you’re happy, Cosima. That’s all I ask,” Delphine begged. She leaned her head on the door, forehead against the hard wood, and prayed for a response. She needed to hear her voice; any word would give her hope, but Cosima was never going to answer. She was angry, and with reason. Delphine knew that sooner rather than later Cosima had to order food, she was not a fan of cooking. Delphine could wait until a delivery guy came with food. She went back to the railing and started to talk aloud; maybe she would be listening, maybe not.

“I designed a synthetic sequence for Jennifer. The therapeutic gene didn’t match, so I tried to fix it over and over again. Her leukocyte number had increased in the last couple of months, the infection was spreading and I was running out of time. I tried so hard, I did many tests and even though I managed to alleviate some symptoms, I couldn’t fix her.”

Delphine continued, “Two weeks ago, I reviewed the sequence again and I found the nucleotide that was affecting the protein synthesis. Once it was removed, I tested it. It worked… but too late.”

“I wished I could have saved her, she did so much for me and I failed; so, yes, Cosima, that body count is on me. I will always carry that burden, no need to remind me,” Delphine stated.

A minute later she heard, “You did what you could.” Cosima spoke from behind the door.

Delphine took a step closer. She heard the locks being removed, the door was opened, and Cosima was there, standing with a stern look.

“I know you did your best, Ms. Fitz said so in her letter.” Cosima looked at her hard, but at least there was no hate in those hazel eyes she loved so much.

“Still, it hurts to have failed her, like I failed you.” Delphine wanted so badly to hug her, to soothe her, to make her smile again, and to be cared for by her, to find shelter in her arms, but for now, this was the most she was going to get.

“Why are you here?” Cosima asked.

“Because I—”

… _need you_

_…missed you_

_…can’t live without you_

_…love you_

“...Because I need to know that you’re happy, that whoever is with you will take care of you, that you will be fine. I promise I’ll leave for good, if there is nothing to salvage here between us, I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you really want.” Delphine feared another rejection, but this was something she had to know for sure; however, she couldn’t dare to say how much she loved her. Cosima wasn’t ready, not when she was pissed.

 

Cosima stood pensive, clearly measuring her words before replying.

“She makes me smile; she was there when I needed a friend the most. She deserves me whole, Delphine. I wanted to trust you, I really did, but I was naïve, stupid, for believing that you would really care.”

Delphine’s heart broke; this was not what she wanted to hear, but there was nothing to do about it.

“You can trust me, Cosima. I do care about you, and that’s why I’m here.” Delphine gave her a faint smile. “Do you love her?”

“I believe that’s none of your business.” Cosima was annoyed.

Delphine snorted, “Okay, fair enough.”

“Just go away, Delphine!” Cosima clenched her jaw, swallowing the tears that threatened to escape.

“Just tell me one more thing, Cosima, don’t you feel anything for me at all?” Delphine was desperate, grasping those last threads of hope she could muster.

Cosima lowered her gaze, took a deep breath and killed the blonde with her words.

“I don’t.”

“Cos—“

“You heard my daughter, Dr. Cormier, please leave.”

Delphine turned around to meet Mrs. Niehaus, who had returned from work.

Delphine walked back to her car, took a last glance at the tiny girl with dreads, got in, turned on the engine and drove away.

 

To say that being rejected didn’t hurt was an understatement. Cosima was happy with her girlfriend, and that was enough for her, or at least that’s what she repeated to herself. She wanted to fight for her. She really wished she would give her a sign, but Cosima was clear: she wanted her away, so that’s what she was going to do, keep her distance and keep loving her from afar. Only, it was easier said than done. Delphine returned to the emptiness of her hotel room, placed her key card on the table, and went to look for the cigarette package she left on the kitchen counter. She took out one, but she didn’t light it; she stared at the cigarette deeply, there was no point in smoking it anymore. Delphine threw the box in the trash can and took out from her small fridge a bottle of wine. This seemed like the perfect moment to drink it. Delphine sat on the couch and turned on the TV, looking for anything that could keep her spirits high, but she ended up watching a drama, which made her feel terrible after the couple ended up apart. She drank and drank until she had trouble standing up. Her cellphone started to ring; by the sound of it, it was the Skype app.

“Sorry, Danielle, I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” Delphine ignored her phone and crashed in her bed, there she spilled more tears until she fell asleep.

 

Delphine awoke with a huge headache and a lot of regret; she took a long shower before doing anything reckless or stupid. She couldn’t risk going back to Cosima; that would complicate things more. The pain in her heart was making everything bad. She had no purpose here in this place if Cosima didn’t feel anything for her anymore. All this time apart, her hope to be with her again was what gave her strength to endure the distance, to not look for her, to keep her at bay. However, now that Cosima had told her to leave her alone, how could she keep on living when she knew she was never going to be with the love of her life? Science was her only companion, it seemed. There was nothing else back home for her; she had avoided dating after she realized that she felt numb; she stopped seeing others because she felt empty inside. There was absolutely no one waiting for her in Toronto. She spent the last 10 years of her life dreaming about this moment, and now there was nothing left; no hope, nothing.

Delphine sat on her couch and started to drink again. She wanted to disappear, to stop feeling this pain that was killing her. Cosima’s mother hated her to death, Scott was probably going to ignore her because he was loyal to Cosima. She couldn’t insist or else she was really going to piss Cosima off.

“Merde!” Delphine realized how pathetic she was; she put the bottle down and picked up her card key. She didn’t want to get drunk again; she needed air, she needed to think clearly.

Delphine took a long walk, the day was windy and the sun shone bright. She kept walking without care, letting her legs take her anywhere but in that enclosed space where her thoughts were driving her insane. Cosima could say the harshest things sometimes, but her body never lied, when they kissed and she felt her tremble, that couldn’t be a lie. When she kissed her deeply and Cosima kissed her back, the way their hands moved over damp clothes, desperate to feel skin against skin, that couldn’t be a lie either. Her phone started to ring, she knew it was Danielle by the tone, but she didn’t dare to answer; she was too sad to share her shitty story of how she had been rejected by the woman she loved with all her heart. Danielle had to wait until she felt ready to face reality, for now she was just going to keep daydreaming about her girl, wondering if it was still possible to fight for her, to put up a fight against this woman who took her woman away.

 

After several hours she returned, ate lunch in the hotel restaurant, and walked through the lobby to take the lift to her room, when a familiar voice called her name.

“Delphine?”

She turned around to meet a man she hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Aldous? But what a surprise.” Delphine gave him a small smile, kissed him on both cheeks.

“A surprise, indeed. I heard you were doing incredibly well in the research field.” Aldous smiled, his hair was completely white at the sides, and the top of his head was bald. He looked as charming as always, even though he was so much older than her. She was always intrigued by the mind of this man; after all, they had a relationship years ago because she was swept away by his interesting views of the world.

“Would you like to have lunch or drink a coffee with me, let’s say tomorrow? It’s been a while and I would really like to catch up with you,” Aldous offered.

“Sure, why not?” Delphine had nothing to lose, did she?

“Are you staying here? Because I could pick you up.”

“No need, just give me the place and I’ll meet you there.”

Delphine exchanged contact info with Aldous and waved him goodbye. It couldn’t hurt to chat with an old acquaintance, and she needed to occupy her mind with other things.

 

The next day Delphine made sure to look decent, she couldn’t look like a drunkard, like a huge mess, so she made an effort at least to look presentable. Aldous Leekie was the man who offered her a job in the first place, she owed him that, and it was thanks to him she met Cosima.

Delphine arrived on time, parked her car, and went inside the small coffee shop she selected. When she saw Aldous, she greeted him and sat in front of him.

“It’s good to see you succeeded, it makes me feel proud in some way,” Aldous commented while he drank his coffee.

“You helped me in the beginnings of my career, so I’ll have to give you credit for that.” Delphine drank tea instead, her head was still buzzing from the wine she gulped down last night.

“You work as a researcher in the Dyad Institute, is that right?” Aldous asked curtly.

“Oui, Rachel is my boss. She is really good at finding investors for our projects, and that’s why we can keep doing top research.” Delphine explained how the biotechnology field had evolved and how the investment helped them to keep innovating. She felt so much at ease talking about science; it was so easy to get lost in the mumbo jumbo. Just what she needed.

“I guess you wouldn’t be interested in teaching again?” Aldous drank his coffee casually, leaving Delphine surprised.

“What? Teaching? Why would you think that?” Delphine looked into Aldous’ face, still shocked about the offer.

“Putting aside the mess with Ms. Niehaus, you did an incredible job, Delphine; no one knows what happened, so you could come back. Jennifer held you in high esteem, she believed you could continue teaching. You have the talent,” Aldous concluded.

“I really appreciate the vote of confidence, Aldous, but I’ll keep doing what I do best.”

 _And that is failing Jennifer, ruining Cosima’s life; what else can you destroy, Delphine? Who else has to suffer because of you?_ Delphine felt wistful again. She finished her tea and thought about returning to her miserable life.

“Well, if you change your opinion, please, don’t hesitate to contact me. I would really be happy to steal you from Rachel.” Aldous laughed at his own comment.

“Merci, Aldous.”

 

They kept chatting about other topics in general, Delphine enjoying the company for a moment. She was so lonely in Toronto, company included only her lab team most of the time. Here, at least, she was chatting about other things not related to business. She felt a tiny bit of hope, maybe she had to be patient. She probably had to wait for someone else to enter her life and knock her socks off. Maybe all this time she thought wrong, maybe she simply had to really let go of Cosima and find happiness somewhere else.

_Non, don’t kid yourself, Delphine, there is only one person for you in this world, the one who bears your heart, your soul; destiny can’t fool you, it is meant to be. You will fight for this girl, you will earn her, you will show her how much you love her, you will face this woman and tell her that Cosima is yours. You will give every ounce into this and get your cheeky girl back._

Delphine stood up from the table with one goal in mind: she was going to war; she was going to show belligerence and demonstrate to everybody that she was the woman for Cosima. No one was going to stop her, no one.

Aldous was escorting Delphine down the sidewalk to reach her car, it was lunchtime and the two of them were moving through the mass of people.

“Del?”

Delphine froze. Only one person in the whole universe called her that. She turned around.

“Dani? DANI!” Delphine smiled, running to squeeze the hell out of this little shit of a friend she had.

“Mon Dieu! What were you doing? I was calling like crazy to let you know I was finally here.” Danielle grinned at her longtime friend.

“Je suis desolée, it’s been quite hard for me, but I am so glad you’re here.”

“Oui, c’est vrai. Incroyable. What were the odds to find you here, Del?” Danielle hugged the blonde again.

“Oh, excuse my manners, this is Aldous Leekie,” Delphine introduced her companion. Danielle shook his hand.

“My girl should be here in no time, she was buying some kind of pie or something.” Danielle grinned, she seemed so happy.

“There she is, Del, allow me to introduce this brat.” Danielle turned to look at the girl coming from behind Delphine and waved at her.

“Hey, Danielle, I got the—“

“Finally, the two girls I care about the most. Delphine, meet Cosima. Cosima, meet Delphine.”

Delphine’s smile was erased completely when she saw the familiar face, the dreads, the eyeliner, the black rims.

_Non_

Cosima’s grin disappeared; she turned pale when she saw the recognizable blonde curls, the doe eyes, the fair skin, that stupid freckle on her nose.

_Non_

“I can’t believe it took so much time to introduce you two. This is my best friend in the whole world, Cosima. Del is my family, my sister of the heart, so I hope you really get along with her,” Danielle added with a huge smile.

“Are you serious!?” Cosima was wide eyed, not trusting what was going on.

“But of course, Delphine Cormier is the person I owe everything to. She means the world to me,” Danielle said proudly.

_This has to be a joke, destiny can’t be this cruel. I can’t fight for Cosima when the one she is dating is my family, my best friend, I…can’t. MERDE!!!_

With the weight of the world on her back, Delphine extended her hand, and with the best forced smile she could muster, she said, “Enchantée.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!!! Extra chapter this week thanks to the wonderful effort of Sam, aka quidpropunk.tumbr.com  
> So don't forget to stop by and thank her for her awesome job.  
> xx

Cosima shook her hand, frowning. She had no idea what on earth the blonde was doing, but she followed along.

“Yeah. Ditto.”

“Well, Dani, ehm, call me when you’re not as busy. We need to talk.” Delphine kissed Danielle on both cheeks, then she moved to Cosima and she leaned down to kiss her, then she hugged her.

“Don’t say anything, please,” Delphine whispered to Cosima.

“Yes, I will, Del, and nice to meet you, Monsieur Leekie.”

Cosima was too struck by the weirdness of the situation that she omitted that man’s presence completely.

“Principal Leekie?” He was clearly with Delphine, and at that instant Cosima felt an inner rage.

“Oh, Niehaus, I barely recognized you. I heard you’re doing great, hope you’re not spending time in the dean’s office. You were quite a frequent visitor in my office. Isn’t that right, Doc—“

“We’re leaving, Aldous. See you later, Dani.” Delphine pulled on Leekie’s arm and walked away with him, not letting him finish. It was clear that if he connected Cosima and Delphine during school, it was game over.

Cosima’s hands were closed in fists. She didn’t notice how angry she was; she hated that man, not just because her days in high school were a pain in the ass, but because he was back with _her_.

 

“How lucky to meet Del right here, I was worried already because she wouldn’t answer her phone, but it seems she is having quite some fun,” Danielle said casually, resuming her walk along the sidewalk.

“Del? I can’t believe it. It was her all this time?” Cosima joined Danielle, already forgetting about the box of eskimo pies she bought. She had lost more than her appetite; she was confused and angry about Delphine and Leekie.

“Yes, that’s her. I know that our relationship might seem strange. We tend to look like a married couple sometimes, but it’s because we know each other so well. I love her, Cosima, obviously not romantically, but platonically.”

“I can totes see that. You’ve known each other since when?” Cosima was pretty confused about Delphine’s behavior, but Danielle knew her friend better than she did, she was probably going to explain things later, _when she finishes her date with Leekie._

“Since high school. I told you a couple of stories, but when we go out again, I’ll tell you more crazy things, now that she is going to be present to defend herself.” Danielle laughed mischievously.

“Oh man, these eskimo pies are gonna melt by the time we eat them. I’ll take this home, and when I invite you to dinner tomorrow, you can have one as dessert.” Cosima needed time alone, her head was going at a different speed and she needed to vent about how she was feeling.

“Right, tomorrow at your place, got it.” Danielle leaned down and gave a small peck on Cosima’s lips. “Can’t wait to meet the parents.” Danielle winked.

“No pressure, dude, but the food is gonna be hella delicious.” Cosima left a small kiss on Danielle’s cheek and went to take a bus to return home; the thought of Leekie and Delphine together was driving her mad.

_Can’t believe this, she tells me she cares and now she is with that asshole? Delphine, goddammit! How can I trust you?_

She knew they’d had a fling in the past; thanks to Posh Spice, she learned the awful truth. She had been heartbroken and ended up dying of jealousy, but now the rage was going to consume her if she let these stupid thoughts cloud her mind. So, she did the sanest thing.

“Dude, I need you, bro. Come to my place, stat. Yeah, I know you’re in the lab, Scotty, but please come quick.”

The return home took a twenty-seven minute bus ride and then a fifteen minute walk. Cosima was trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together, Danielle and Delphine.

“Shit. That has to be the sickest joke ever.” Cosima put her hands inside her red jacket. She was trying to make sense of all of this; how was it possible that the woman who hurt her the most was friends with the woman who was healing her? This was seriously fucked up.

 

Scott arrived forty-five minutes after she made it home.

“What the hell? Are you serious? Let me see if I get this: you are dating the best friend of your ex-girlfriend, and no one had a clue about this until now?” Scott fixed his glasses on top of his nose.

“Yep, that’s what happened. I know they texted frequently, and those damn Skype calls at the worst time possible were a pain in the ass; and yet, she never mentioned her full name. I mean, she gave certain clues that now make sense, it was all like a foreshadowing or something, dude. Danielle and Delphine are friends like us, they’ve known each other for a long time, man.” Cosima scratched her head, still trying to clear this mess.

“Dude, that’s insane. I mean, you are banging two best friends.” Scott started to chuckle nervously.

“Fuck off, Scott, that’s not helpful!” Cosima hit him in the head. “Focus! I need help, bro. Delphine doesn’t want Danielle to know about us. I don’t understand.”

“Just wait, then, until she explains, Cosima. No point thinking about something you have no control over.” Scott was right, it was Delphine’s turn to make her move. “BUT, DUDE! you have to let me get some, bro. You have two hot French ladies pining for you, share, at least.” Scott chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m gonna give you a fucking punch, Scott, if you don’t stop with that, Delphine is MINE!”

Scott raised his eyebrows; he was clearly teasing her, there was no need to get so intense about it.

“Shit. I mean, she is back with Leekie, so no, you can’t, idiot.” Cosima needed pot A.S.A.P.; this was becoming a real shitty conversation.

Cosima needed answers, so the safest bet was meeting the woman she was supposed to keep at a distance.

_________

Delphine was lately becoming a good friend of red wine, but today she needed to erase her existence completely; she walked to the closest convenience store, in need of something that knocked her out completely. Her heart was in turmoil, she never thought that this could happen. What were the odds that her best friend was the girlfriend of the woman she loved? It was completely ridiculous, and yet, it was real. She wanted to fight for Cosima, she was ready to battle to the last stance and earn her woman back, but this changed everything. She couldn’t do this to Danielle, she deserved to be loved, and who better than Cosima to do that.

She was walking like the living dead when she was stopped mid-track.

“Oi! Delphine?” Sarah Manning was smiling ear to ear, happy to see the woman who lent a friendly hand when she needed it.

“Sarah, mon Dieu. What a surprise.” Delphine greeted Sarah as best as she could, but she was so numb inside.

“I knew you were around, Rach told me,” Sarah sighed.

“So you met Rachel.” Delphine knew the history between the two, which had ended badly.

“Yeah, she is a psychotic bitch. We were doing fine, but she had to do her usual shite and be a fuckin’ evil bitch.” Sarah seemed upset.

“And yet, we always come back to the women who drive us insane. Well, welcome aboard to the Destiny Is Full of Shit train. I was about to drink alone, but you can join me if you want to.”

“Better drink with a friendly face than alone, count me in.”

 

The two women drank in Delphine’s room; bourbon on the rocks; laughing at the ridiculousness of their respective situations. Sarah left her leather jacket on top of the couch to sit more comfortably on the carpet; Delphine was seated on the sofa, sipping her cold beverage and burning her insides.

“You know? I don’t get it, that psycho is so damn controlling, everything has to be like she says or she gets extremely pissed. But when she is with Kira, Rach lets her guard drop a bit, it’s so weird and confusing. I can’t fuckin’ get her.” Sarah gulped down her whole glass and poured more.

Delphine giggled. “I think that’s better than being in love with the same woman as your best friend. I win this.”

Sarah cackled in laughter. “Bloody hell, that is so fucked up. Cosima had no idea though; when I talked to her weeks ago, she didn’t know it was your friend she was talking about.”

“To friendship.” Sarah raised her glass, Delphine did the same and they both drank.

 

The two women shared more of their shitty stories, laughing and having a good time, for at least an hour they both could forget that they were in complicated relationships.

“You kind of look like my Cosima.” Delphine was already on the floor, sprawled alongside Sarah.

“You are nothin’ like Rachel.” Sarah giggled, “Those stupid stilettos look so damn good on her; have you seen her legs? I mean, shite, who wouldn’t bang her?”

Delphine raised her hand, and burst out in laughter.

“Lucky me.” Sarah laughed as well.

The laughter died when Delphine reached for Sarah’s jaw. “That’s a nasty bruise you have on your neck.” Delphine was inspecting the bruise up close.

“She likes to bite,” Sarah mumbled while admiring Delphine’s features and noticing how pretty she was.

Delphine kissed the punk clumsily, the alcohol making her take reckless action. Sarah kissed Delphine angrily, frustration in her lips; Sarah tasted of alcohol and bubblegum, nothing like the particular cannabis scent she liked so much.

 

Delphine quickly removed her blouse, while Sarah removed her shirt and unzipped her jeans. The two of them were a clumsy drunken mess, entangling in the middle of the living room, when a knock on the door interrupted the steamy session.

“Go away, yeah?” Sarah shouted. She laughed and continued delivering wet kisses all over Delphine.

The knock on the door this time was harder, more insistent.

“I think I should open it, or else they won’t go away.” Delphine laughed at how hard it was to stand up, she put on her blouse, but she didn’t take the time to button it up. Besides, she couldn’t do it, she was too wasted. Delphine barely made it to the door, opened it half-naked, and almost had a heart attack.

“Holy watershed!” Cosima was agape at the semi-naked figure of Delphine.

“Cos?” Sarah rose from the floor.

“Oh. My. God.” Cosima was disgusted, this had never crossed her mind.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? First Leekie and now Sarah? Isn’t she with Posh Spice? Why are you so drunk? I’m outta here.” Cosima turned around furiously, wondering why she had come here in the first place.

“Non, Cosima, this is not... well, yes, it is, but let me explain, please.” Delphine tried to follow Cosima, but she was so damn dizzy that she started to laugh.

“Oi Cos, could you bloody stop for a minute and listen!” Sarah made it to the hall, laughing hysterically; she fell to the floor and started to laugh harder.

 

Cosima pushed the elevator button, but it was so slow, she turned around to face the mess that was Delphine and Sarah. She had never seeing Delphine like this, it was painful.

“Cosima, this is moving too much, just stay still.” Delphine snorted, but then she stumbled and hit her head on the fire extinguisher, ripping her head, the blood seeping from the huge gash she now sported.

“Holy shit!”

Sarah kept laughing maniacally in the background.

Cosima couldn’t leave these two, she was going to stay here longer than expected.

_______

Cosima couldn’t believe that she could drag Delphine’s larger body across the hall, but she was thankful that the adrenaline rush helped her lift the bleeding blonde to her bed. She then dragged Sarah and left her on the couch. Once she made sure that the punk was safe where she was, she went to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit and moved to Delphine’s side.

This made her remember when she got a fight in biology class, how Delphine cleaned her wounds. Also, during biology laboratory when she cut her hand with the beaker she broke, Delphine had taken care of her then. Today, it was the first time she had to take care of Delphine. She registered that it was Delphine who always took care of her, who always protected her.

“Goddammit, Delphine, why do you have to be so damn complex!”

Cosima got to work fast, putting pressure in the wound, while Delphine mumbled in French.

Delphine’s phone started to ring, Cosima checked the screen.

“Danielle? Holy crap. I can’t answer or that would raise flags, and Delphine is in no condition to speak right now. Sorry, Danielle.” Cosima turned off the phone and kept working on Delphine’s wound.

Cosima made sure that Delphine was properly taken care of before she left her in her bed, having a half-naked, hot French woman close was a very dangerous situation. She went back to the living room and sat on the couch beside Sarah and waited. She couldn’t leave these two alone, or else who knows what else might happen; however, all the bruising on Sarah’s skin seemed quite old, which made her sigh in relief, that meant those possession marks were all Rachel’s and not Delphine’s.

 

Cosima had fallen asleep on the couch, her neck was hurting from the bad position when she woke up. The window was dark, the night had come already; she noted that Sarah was still deeply asleep. She walked silently to the mini fridge and opened a Coke, drinking the cold beverage too fast, which made her brain freeze for a second. Cosima shook her head and walked back to the bed to see how Delphine was doing.

She approached silently and sat on the bed, then she scooted closer to the French blonde and marveled at how beautiful she was. It was so obvious that she was going to lose her head for this woman when she was a teen. Delphine was beyond pretty, and that smile that was sweet and sexy and made her insides melt. She pulled the blonde curls from her cheek and tucked them behind her ear, drinking her features with her eyes, seeing her rib cage expand while she breathed peacefully, and marveling at those lips.

She traced with her finger the small scar Delphine had below her collarbone; she remembered the story of Danielle and the motorcycle. Delphine gave her a brief explanation a long time ago, but she never really knew the depth of the story, until Danielle told her, of course.

 

Then Cosima kind of understood the reason for lying to Danielle. Danielle was family. Delphine was willing to risk her life on that motorcycle because she cared so much for Danielle, and even though it was really stupid what Danielle did, she went with her because she loved her deeply and wanted to protect her at all times, be there for her. After she was hospitalized, Delphine never reproached Danielle, because she loved her too much. Now Cosima understood the depth of the bond these two women shared, a bond that she was disturbing, being caught between them.

Cosima sighed. This was a disaster, but she got what Delphine was trying to do: protect the person she loved the most.

“What you have is not even close to what Scott and I have, you two have deep comprehension of one another, it’s like you two are soulmates. I get it, Delphine, I won’t say a thing. Promise.” Cosima whispered into Delphine’s ear, then she kissed her cheek softly.

 

Sarah cleared her throat. “I’m gonna throw up first, and then we’ll talk, geek monkey.” Sarah winked at her and got lost in the toilet. Cosima went back to the kitchen and poured a huge glass of cold water for her friend.

Sarah returned several minutes later to the living room. Cosima handed her the water and Sarah took it gratefully.

“Cos, I am truly sorry, I never meant to do anything with Delphine, I swear. Things got kind of out of control. So I guess I owe you for interrupting our stupidity.”

“Yeah, whatever, that’s none of my business,” Cosima answered dryly.

“Aw, don’t gimme that, you silly tit. You’re a sick puppy in love; I saw you in there, Cos. You still like the good Doctor.” Sarah drank the whole glass of water.

“I’m with Danielle now, I really don’t care about her.”

“Bollocks! But whatever. And yeah, Delphine told me you’re dating her best friend, wow. Way to get over your ex.”

“Hey, I’m not doing this on purpose! It just happened. It surprised me, too.” Cosima took some pills for Sarah from the first aid kit; she was probably going to have a huge headache. She handed the pills to the punk.

“I mean, if they both love you, and you love both of them, then why not a polyamorous relationship? Everybody wins,” Sarah suggested.

Cosima smiled. “Right. In an alternate universe, it is clearly stated that they have a platonic friendship, dude, and I don’t love both of them.” She only had space for one person in her heart.

“Sorry again, Cosima, and please don’t you dare tell any of this to Rach, she is insane enough to shoot Delphine, yeah?” Sarah chuckled.

“You still dating Posh Spice? Dude, you’re the one who’s insane.” Cosima smiled.

“Yeah, Rach is like poison in my veins, like a deadly infection, and I can’t stop it. We should go out and do something fun, you and your new girl with me and my sociopath. Call me.” Sarah popped the pills, dressed, and left the hotel room.

 

Cosima went back to Delphine’s side when she heard the moans of pain coming from her bedroom.

“Merde, qu'est-ce que j'ai fait. Mon Dieu, qu'est-ce que j'ai fait?” Delphine was sitting up, pressing her head gingerly.

“Hey, it’s okay, Delphine. You hit your head badly, but you’ll be fine.” Cosima walked to her side.

“Cosima? I’m sorry, Sarah and I were drinking and we… God, I’m ashamed.” Delphine’s head was spinning; Cosima offered her some pills and water, which she kindly accepted.

“No, it’s your life, you don’t owe me explanations, not even for Principal Leekie.”

“He offered me a job, that is all. He wants me to teach again, but I am deeply involved at the Dyad Institute.”

“Okay, but that’s your business.” Cosima felt awkward with Delphine so vulnerable, exposed. “Um, Danielle called but you were out, so I turned off your phone. You should give her a call.”

“Merci, for not telling Danielle about us. She knows our story, but she has no idea it’s you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You make her happy, Cosima, and she deserves that. There is no point letting her know what is in the past, is there?” Delphine was testing the waters again, but Cosima didn’t budge.

“Right. I get it, I won’t tell.” Cosima avoided looking Delphine in the eye, for fear of showing emotion. “I better get going. Call Danielle, she is desperate to talk to you, and put some ice on that.” Cosima turned around to go back to her place.

“Do you think that we can be friends?” Delphine asked before she left the room.

“I… I don’t know.”

To be friends with Delphine would require forgiveness, to let her go completely out of her heart and soul. The problem was that it was ten years later, and she still was fighting to get rid of her memories, so the real question was: is it possible to be friends with her?

She didn’t think so.


	24. Chapter 24

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to a hospital?” Danielle inspected Delphine’s wound while she helped her friend to disinfect it.

“It’s already closed. No need to take me anywhere, Dani.”

Delphine called Danielle the next day after the pity party with Sarah. She really wanted to spend time with Danielle. The last time they were in the same room was when they were in college; their work and studies absorbed them, and even though they kept texting each other and Skyping with one another, it was a completely different feeling being close again.

“This will heal in no time, but what on earth were you doing that you didn’t notice the extinguisher?” Danielle raised her eyebrow, eyeing Delphine suspiciously.

“I drank too much, okay? I won’t do that in the near future, trust me. I did enough already.” Delphine thought it better to avoid the details.

Danielle sat beside Delphine on the bed and brought her head to her lap.

“Come here you dumbass, you do know that you’re not a wild college animal anymore?”

Delphine giggled. “Shut up; look who’s talking? I’m not the one who ran naked across campus.”

“I mean, did we get the money or not, Del?” Danielle grinned while she played with Delphine’s golden locks.

“Yes, we did, baguette.” Delphine laughed in complicity and added, “You never backed out of a challenge, you moron. Someone had to keep you in line.”

“Liar. You were totally fascinated by me, Goldilocks.” Danielle leaned down and left a kiss on Delphine’s cheek.

“Oui, c’est vrai. I was so into you, Dani, the hottest French girl I have ever seen. I totally wanted to take advantage of you.” Delphine played with Danielle’s hand.

“I knew it!”

Both laughed. How good it felt to be like this, with the person she felt more at ease, her best friend in the whole universe: Danielle Fournier.

“I’ll have to go soon, Del. Cosima invited me to lunch at her place with her family.”

Delphine sat up to look at her friend. “To lunch?” This wasn’t okay; she felt a sting of jealousy. She never had the chance to share lunch with Cosima’s parents. They wanted her in jail, for one thing, but who could blame them; she had an illicit affair with their daughter, with whom she met secretly in her house to eat and watch movies together. God forbid they ever learned about their “study sessions,” then she would really be rotting in jail.

“Yeah, I’m kind of nervous, you know, meeting the parents. It’s still kind of a big deal. I remember when I met Don Giacomo and Signora Lucrezia Giordano. I almost pissed my pants. Her father was like The Godfather, I swear, but her mother, she was such a sweet lady,” Danielle commented with nostalgia. She did love that stupid Roman girl, and meeting her parents was the sign she was waiting for to propose, after almost two years of relationship, and then everything backfired.

“You don’t worry about that, Dani. You are charming and wonderful. They will love you, I know it.” Delphine was fighting the ugly thoughts surfacing in her mind. Jealousy was an ugly monster.

“You are the best, Del, what would I do without you?” Dani hugged her friend, pouring all the love she felt for her into the embrace.

“You better get going, don’t want to make the Niehaus’ wait.” Dani kissed Delphine, and before she left, she put some groceries for Delphine on her kitchen table, then she went to her date. Meanwhile, Delphine was left dying of envy.

Delphine felt horrible; these new negative feelings she was developing were unhealthy, and if this kept going, she was going to do something she was surely going to regret later.

_________

Cosima was pacing in the living room, feeling anxious and excited; she wanted this to go smoothly, the important thing was not to mention Delphine, and she would be fine.

“Kiddo, sit down, already. You’re driving me nuts.” Her father was about to finish arranging the dishes on the table.

“Sorry, pops, I just want everything to go smooth.” Cosima sat down on the couch while she waited with impatience.

Minutes later and right on time, the bell announced a visitor. Cosima fixed her hair, checking herself quickly in front of the mirror, and ran to open the door.

“Hey, welcome, Danielle. Please come in.” Cosima opened the door and let Danielle walk into her place; she took a hold of her hand and guided her to the living room to introduce her folks.

“Mom, dad, this is Danielle. These are my parents.” Cosima smiled.

“Enchantée.” Danielle shook both of their hands and then she was invited to sit at the table.

 

The Niehaus family and Danielle chatted about general topics, asking questions to get to know Danielle, who answered wonderfully. The topics got directed toward science, of course, and it was so lively that it felt perfect being like this, having lunch with her parents and her girlfriend; it was really a wonderful moment.

“The meal was delicious.” Danielle thanked Cosima’s parents.

“The company was more than lovely.” Her father winked at Danielle with a huge grin on his face.

Cosima rolled her eyes and went with Danielle to the porch.

“Your parents are wonderful.” Danielle embraced Cosima from behind, kissing the nape of her neck softly.

“Well, they’re not perfect, but yeah, they’re hella great.” Cosima leaned on Danielle, letting her caress her.

“Are there any places here to have fun? I want to hang out with Delphine, and of course you’re invited, but something’s wrong with her, and I want to cheer her up.”

“Sure thing. Um. We should go out in a group. I’ll call my friend Sarah, and we can go to a club or something,” Cosima offered.

“Great, you are such a cutie. Text me when you have the info, I’m going to be with Delphine while she heals that nasty wound, okay?” Danielle kissed Cosima deeply and waved goodbye.

 

Once Danielle was out of sight, Cosima felt less stressed. Danielle was so full of love that it made her wish she could really make her happy; she deserved so much more, but at the moment, Cosima was still a huge mess deep down. She went back inside the house.

“That’s my girl. Four for you, baby. You will rule all of the French women, it seems.”

“Dad, what the hell!?” Cosima sat on the couch, embarrassed by her father.

Her mother glared at her dad, so he decided to do something useful and go away before he could say anything else.

“She is a pretty girl, Cosima, very kind and sweet,” her mother commented.

“Yeah, she is.”

“So, why are you trying so hard, sweetie?”

“What do you mean?”

“When one is in love, it should be easy to reciprocate that love, but you are trying so hard to like her, Cosima. Why?” Her mother always asked the hard questions.

“I’m not. I do care for her,” Cosima retorted.

“I know honey, but do you love her?”

“I…” She couldn’t answer. It was killing her, but she couldn’t say a word; she was struggling to find the words, but none came.

“I want to.” Her lip trembled; she was so desperate to get rid of Delphine’s traces that she was ready to do whatever it took to learn to love Danielle.

“You know what you’re doing, honey, just make sure to be truthful about what you feel. I know I’m not the best person to give advice to you, but when you’re with the one you were meant to be, everything falls into place, and when they come into your life, it’s like they have been there forever, no need to force it. When I look at your dad, I just know. It should be the same with you.”

Yes, her mom knew something; not in a million years had she expected this kind of advice, and she was thankful for it.

“They’re best friends.”

“Huh? Who?” Her mom wondered.

“Danielle and Delphine, they are best friends. And I’m trapped in the middle. I care so much for Danielle, but I can’t let go of Delphine, and I know I’m so stupid for loving her like I do. She hurt me so much, mom, you know it! She broke my heart, and I still love her like a fool. I don’t want to feel this, I swear I don’t, but you just described how I feel when I’m with her, with Delphine. And I know I’m being childish not dealing well with this thing I feel, but I don’t know what else to do, mom.” Cosima broke, she was really in dire need to rip the blonde from her soul, and it was consuming her sanity.

“Oh, my god.” Her mother didn’t say anything else.

Cosima wiped the tears and stood up from the couch. “No worries, mom. I will make Danielle happy, you’ll see.” Then she went to her room to smoke and call Sarah to arrange a night out. It was time to level up her game.

_______

The night was cold, the dark sky glowed with the beauty of the stars; it was a gorgeous night to pass the time with friends, to enjoy each other’s company and have fun, except that Delphine wasn’t just with some company, she was going clubbing with Danielle and Cosima, walking behind them and seeing them holding hands. This was going to be a long night.

“Oi! There you are, I already got a table for us.” Sarah appeared in the middle of the mass of bodies dancing and guided the three girls to the more private area.

The group arrived to the upper floor, where in the farther corner they found their table and the person who was basically responsible for this disaster.

“Dr. Cormier, I see you’re enjoying your vacation to the fullest.”

“Rachel? This is very surprising.” Delphine took a seat beside her boss, putting some distance between Danielle and Cosima.

“Shite, could you put that stupid phone away?” Sarah sat on the other side of Rachel.

“I told you I was going to come; we never agreed that I would participate in these activities of yours, Sarah.” Rachel returned to her e-mailing.

“Bloody hell.” Sarah rolled her eyes. “Anyway, nice meeting you, Danielle. Cos has talked a lot about you.”

“I hope only good things.” Danielle was close to Cosima, resting her arm on her leg.

“Yeah, no worries about that.” Sarah winked.

“I think we all should go dance, that’s why we are here, to have fun!” Danielle rubbed Delphine’s shoulder. It hurt Delphine seeing her friend all worried for her when she was having awful feelings toward her.

“Yes, we should,” Delphine said with a fake smile on her face.

 

The four women left Rachel to her own devices and went to dance. The beat of the music was enticing, the rhythm contagious, but Delphine couldn’t focus on her partner, she saw how Danielle and Cosima laughed together; their closeness was too much to bear. And the kissing, that was making her feel so sick; Cosima leaving tiny kisses along Danielle’s jaw; the way she touched her.

“I, um, I’ll take some rest.” Delphine excused herself with Sarah and returned to Rachel’s side.

“I have to say that I respect you, Dr. Cormier. I would probably have sent a man to kill that woman if she was interfering with my belongings.” Rachel was unfazed, like she put hits on people every other day. She then drank her dry martini.

Delphine laughed awkwardly, hoping that Rachel was sharing her twisted humor.

The night was moving at a slow pace, or that’s how Delphine perceived it. Danielle and Cosima were glowing with sweat from their latest dance session, not to mention the make-out too, while Delphine kept drinking a soda to refresh herself.

When the trio returned to the table, Delphine tensed up again.

“Those are some really nice moves you got, Danielle,” Sarah said, heaving for breath.

“Well, I have Delphine to thank. She is a much better dancer than me.” Danielle smiled to her friend.

“OH MY!!!” Cosima and Sarah looked at each other, in complicity.

“Yoooo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really, want. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want. I wanna (huh) I wanna (huh) I wanna (huh) I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah.” Cosima and Sarah sang loudly, dancing around Rachel, who arched her brow.

“Yeah, Cos; Rachel sandwich!” Sarah said while grinding Rachel, who was looking at her like she was about to commit murder during the rest of the song.

 

Sarah high fived Cosima and sat again beside her lover. “Oh, come on, don’t be a Posh Bitch, Rach, it was fun.”

“Oh, OH, she is the famous Posh Spice.” Danielle was a bit startled by this weird revelation.

Cosima was laughing so hard, but Delphine knew Rachel. That calmness only meant one thing: retaliation.

“Yes, so it seems. Funny thing that Cosima took the song to heart, she really did get along with her friends. Isn’t that right, Dr. Cormier. Interesting that there is only one woman whom she hasn't slept with at this table.”

Cosima’s laughter died in an instant. Delphine noticed how Danielle frowned in confusion, then she glared at Sarah. Delphine’s heart broke; Danielle would have never doubted her, she assumed automatically that it had been Sarah, not her.

“Okay, that was so much fun, Rach. I’ll tell the DJ to throw down some R&B for you, and then we can go to the back of the club so you can have some fun with me, yeah?” Sarah stood up and left the table faster than a bullet.

“Oh! Remember when we used to go to the discotheque? We had so much fun, Danielle.” Delphine changed the subject and fast.

“Ah, right, you had to see the two of us, Cosima. We went to hook up at the disco a couple of times; Delphine had so much appeal because she looked so out of place. Oh boy, those were the good times.” Daniele and Delphine laughed in unison and Cosima understood that there was a side of Delphine that was unknown to her, that Danielle knew Delphine in ways that she never could.

“Mon Dieu, remember when you got in this huge fight because some idiot cheated on me?” Delphine commented.

“Yes, I had to defend your honor, Del, that asshole was talking crap about you. Sorry not sorry.”

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies; Rach, there is your song, lets bump n’ grind as far away as we can.” Sarah pulled Rachel from the table and guided her to the depths of the nightclub before someone ended framed for murder, or worse, dead.

 

“Come here, Del, let’s show these people how the dynamic duo dance.” Danielle pulled Delphine to the dance floor, too, and for a couple of minutes she felt her body relax. Danielle and her danced like they used to, with style and sexiness.

The two of them moved in tune, connected to one another; it was logical since they had known each other since high school. That’s when Danielle took the chance to talk with her friend.

“Del, what is wrong? You have been acting so weird these last couple of days.” Danielle moved closer so she could speak with Delphine.

“Nothing is wrong, Dani. Forget it.”

“Del, stop with that shit. I know you.”

“Then let it go! Jesus, you don’t have to know everything, Dani!” Delphine had never spoken to Danielle like this; Danielle frowned in serious concern.

“Why are you pushing me away? Delphine, I cannot help if you don’t let me in!”

A single tear ran down Delphine’s cheek; she felt numb, she was so angry, she was feeling hatred toward Danielle, envy and jealousy getting into her head, and the more time passed the worse it was.

“JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Delphine pushed Danielle hard. Cosima saw the interaction and ran toward them.

“Hey, you two calm down, okay?” Cosima stood between them, like a wall to keep the two at a safe distance.

“Del? Why are you doing this?” Danielle’s voice was breaking, her eyes filled with hurt and pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well, I just. It’s my fault. I better go.” Delphine was about to say several idiotic things, so she bit her tongue and got out of the nightclub.

Once outside, she took several deep breaths. Her fists were closed and she didn’t notice. She tried to relax as much as she could, and when she felt more stable, she called a cab that took her back to her hotel.

“This darkness is going to consume me; I have to go away for the sake of Danielle. These past few days I have gotten worse; I am starting to resent my best friend. What kind of person am I when I desire the worst for her?”

 

 

 

Delphine sat on her bed, truly freaked out; she never knew she had this side of her, this evilness that was forming in her soul, this darkness threatening to get out and destroy what she loved the most.

There was no tomorrow for her, this was it. This was what she should have done a long time ago: she had to say goodbye forever to Cosima in order to keep Danielle safe.

Delphine Cormier was going to face her demons once and for all; however, she had no idea that she was going to face more than what she asked for. Life was going to test her love for the two women she loved the most. Delphine shed the petals of a friendship for love, and now the time had come for her to pay the ultimate price, but what was it going to be?


	25. Chapter 25

Cosima woke up late after partying with Danielle and company. She felt totally drained; everything went to hell when she saw Danielle and Delphine arguing. Danielle had called Delphine, and apparently, she was ignoring her, again.

Danielle was so worried and desperate to speak with Delphine that she had left Cosima on her own for the last two days.

 

The day was cloudy, the sound of thunder echoed in the distance, a storm was coming. Cosima opened her window and took a hit, the joint firmly grasped between her fingers. She was thinking on what she should do next, and everything led to Delphine. She wanted to make her smile again. Her heart hurt big time, she hurt for Danielle and for Delphine; she had to come clean with both, or this was not going to end well.

“I want to apologize for acting weird at the club,” Cosima blurted out to Danielle, who was visiting her lovely girlfriend. “I was kind of clingy and I shouldn’t have kissed you like I was in heat.”

Danielle laughed, and that brightened her day. “Yeah, you were acting strange. I seriously thought you were ovulating.”

Cosima had acted like a stupid teen wanting to make her ex jealous, she kissed Danielle and used her to make Delphine hurt. How stupid of her.

“I am deeply sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay, not that I mind, but, well.” Danielle took Cosima’s hands and squeezed them.

The first drops of rain started to fall, the wind blew against the windows, startling the two girls on the couch.

“Storm coming,” Danielle commented.

“Yeah, lots of rain this time of the year.”

“I miss Del, I don’t understand what’s going on with her. I feel that she is pushing me away the harder I try to reach her.” Danielle was clearly upset.

“You two are really good friends, this is something fleeting, I can assure you.” Cosima really hoped so.

“This is so out of character. Delphine has been always the stronger of the two of us, she has never done anything like this. I was always the one who bickered, the one who acted like a spoiled brat, not her. She is the voice of reason, and I don’t know what to do.” Danielle sounded so sad and lost.

“You two should talk, and explain how you really feel.” Cosima kissed Danielle’s hands, reflecting on her own words.

Danielle took out her phone from her handbag and called Delphine. She waited, but her friend didn’t answer.

“Voice mail.” She set down her phone on the small coffee table.

Cosima had to be fair, she couldn’t start a relationship with lies or half-truths, and Danielle had the right to know this.

“Danielle, I think I need to be honest with you.”

Danielle tilted her head. “Oh, that sounds pretty ominous to me.”

“Danielle, I know we agreed to take this slow, that we were going to take this one step at a time.”

“Yes, and that’s what we’re doing, unless it bothers you. Is it the sex or the lack of it?”

“It’s nothing you have done—”

“Whoa, wait, don’t give me that speech of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’, Cosima, I’m too old for that shit.” Danielle gave her a lopsided smile.

Cosima chuckled. “I’m not, but I really need to evaluate where this is going. I’ve been too pushy for sex, and not for the right reasons, Danielle.”

“Hmm, okay. And what are those reasons?”

“I care for you, Danielle. You have given me so much, and I’ll always be thankful for that, but I’m so desperate to fall in love with you that it’s not fair to you. I really want to love you because you’re worthy, but I’m forcing it. What I’m trying to say is that we should split up.”

Danielle remained silent, pondering what to say next.

“You want to break up because you don’t love me enough?” Danielle asked.

“I do care for you, don’t doubt what we shared this last semester, please. I just need to figure this out and make sure that my feelings correspond with yours. I want to be with you because I love you, not because I feel safe with you or for the wrong reasons.”

Danielle gave her a warm smile. “Okay, that’s kind of surprising; I thought we were doing okay, but I see we’re not, nothing to do about it. But hey, I guess it is better to clear things up, before I thought on proposing. ”

“What?”

“Um, don’t mind me, I’m extrapolating. But, is there someone else?” Danielle had to know.

“Not exactly, it’s more the memory of that person that doesn’t leave me alone. A person that I loved. Still love, I think.”

“Okay, I um, I understand. Thanks for the honesty, I guess.  Anyway, you know where to find me if you want to talk, brat.” Danielle kissed her cheek and walked out of her place before Cosima saw her tears. She knew this had to hurt Danielle, but it was better than lying to her. Now she had to put an end to this disaster with Delphine once and for all. Cosima was heading to her room when she observed that Danielle had accidentally left her phone on her table.

“Shit.”

She had no clue where she was staying. Cosima had to wait until Danielle noted that she was missing her phone, and by that she assumed at least a couple of hours. Danielle was pretty hurt right now with the recent break up. Cosima felt shitty. If only she had been honest, maybe she could have really fallen for Danielle. She walked toward her porch; the heavy rain was intense and she worried for Danielle. She hoped she was okay.

 

“Oh, there you are, sweetie. Come inside,” her mother called Cosima back.

Cosima turned around and went back inside her house. She walked through the narrow hall until she reached the living room where her mother was standing with a briefcase and a small bag.

“You leaving? With this rain?”

“Dear, Rachel made contact with an Italian investor, and so your dad and I will be gone for the night; make sure you close the door.” Her mother was reviewing several documents before storing them inside the briefcase.

“Posh Spice? What a surprise.”

“Don’t be like that, baby. Rachel has helped me with several projects, and now there is a new possibility with this new investor.”

“Whatever, just make sure you read the tiny letters, that bitch might be up to something.”

That made her mom laugh. “Honey, I thought you were going to be with Danielle today.”

“Um, right. I broke up with her. It wasn’t fair to her when I am such a mess.”

“Oh, honey, I’m really sorry. Come here.”

Cosima went to her mother’s arms, and she patted her on the back. She caressed her head like when she was a kid and placed a kiss on her temple.

“That saddens me very much.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“All right, we’re packed and loaded.” Cosima’s dad entered through the back door that led to the garage.

“Can you give me 5 minutes, I need to speak with our daughter.”

“Sure, um, gotta find the keys, where the hell are the damn keys?” Cosima’s dad went back to the garage.

“What is it, mom?”

Her mother took a deep breath and then she told her what she should have said years ago.

 

“What the fuck? Are you making this up? Why did you bring this up now!?” Cosima paced the living room, quite mad. Her hands were a tornado of disbelief and disappointment.

“I was envious of Delphine, my pride as a parent was smashed when that woman came and talked to me about you. I was supposed to know you, but I knew nothing, and she did. I was angry and upset that this woman cared for you more than I. Delphine opened my eyes that day,” her mother told her.

“‘I am very sorry for how this happened. I am truly sorry for the damage I might have caused to you and your family, but know this, ma’am, I’m not sorry for loving your daughter. It was stupid on my part for laying eyes on her, but I don’t regret caring for her; you have no idea how much love she needed.’ Yes, I have never forgotten each of the words Delphine Cormier said to me that day.”

Her mother continued, “‘You have no clue how lonely she was. She is more than brains, if only you took the time to see her. This is not arrogance, this is me saying what your daughter needs, what she wants from you.’ Then, Delphine told me she was leaving the country the next day. ‘I never meant any harm to Cosima; I do love her, and because I love her is why I’m letting her go, not because I’m afraid to go to jail or of ruining my career. We both sold our souls to Rachel Duncan, that is the only reason this is not public knowledge. However, know that the price I pay means nothing when compared to how much I care for your daughter. This is my sacrifice and my penitence is to be away from her, you have my word,’” Cosima’s mother concluded.

“Oh my… Did she say that?” Cosima was in shock, she couldn’t believe what her mother was telling her.

“Yes, baby, word for word. I could never forget, because she was right. I was a terrible parent. I didn’t want to see it back then, but now I am ashamed. I have forgiven that woman, because all she did was of pure love for you, and her sacrifice paid off. You are in the middle of your doctorate and you are an incredible girl full of love. I’m deeply sorry, honey, I should have come and said this sooner, but I was afraid of your reaction.” Her mother’s eyes were teary, her lips trembled, and Cosima could see the regret in her eyes.

“Mom, oh shit, Delphine was telling the truth. She did care for me, it was real.” Cosima had no idea if she wanted to cry or laugh, to run after Delphine or keep her distance.

“Yes, I know I haven’t been the nicest person to Dr. Cormier. I treated her badly when we met back in Los Angeles a couple of months ago, but if I see her tonight with Rachel I will apologize. Not that I can forget that she got involved with you when you were 17, but I know she never meant any harm.”

“Mom, how more secrets are you keeping? I mean, shit, you met Delphine and you didn’t tell me?” Cosima scratched her head, trying to make sense of this revelation.

“No more secrets, honey, that’s all. I know its complex, but you’re a clever girl.”

Cosima hugged her mother and kissed her cheeks. “Thanks, mom.”

She kissed her mother again and let her go to her meeting.

 

The storm was raging, the wind moved the trees hard, making it look like they were dancing. Cosima was trapped in her home, which gave her time to really think what to do next. She couldn’t jump early to conclusions, she had to think this through.

________

Delphine already had her luggage ready. She called Rachel to let her know of her return to Toronto to resume her work in the Dyad Institute and then proceeded to shut down her phone. She really wanted to avoid Danielle at all costs; she was behaving terribly, and she preferred to isolate herself as far away as possible, where she couldn’t hurt Danielle anymore.

The levels of jealousy that she was facing where a first for her, and she was acting like a real asshole with a person that deserved nothing but the best.

The plan was to say goodbye to Cosima and get on the private flight that Rachel had already arranged for her to return to Canada. Her idea was to commit herself to the science for the rest of her life, cut her ties with Cosima, and let her be happy with whomever she chose, though, now that it seemed it was Danielle, the best way was to keep her distance, and maybe one day be comfortable enough to be in touch with them again.

 

The traffic was heavy at this time of night, and with the rain it was much worse. She drove her rented car to Cosima’s place at a steady pace, taking it easy; she was in no rush. Delphine was thinking of all the possibilities, and by her latest results, Cosima wasn’t even going to open the door for her, but she had to say goodbye.

She turned on the radio and tuned a romantic station; she had no idea why, but she needed to give herself a boost to pump her up and meet her destiny, or rather, to say goodbye.

Delphine sang,

“Take off all of your skin

And brave when you are free

Shake off all of your sins

And give them to me

Close up, let me back yeah

I wanna be yours, wanna be your hero

And my heart beats…”*

And she sang,

“When your soul finds the soul it was waiting for

When someone walks into your heart through an open door

When your hand finds the hand it was meant to hold

Don’t let go

Someone comes into your world

Suddenly your world has changed forever…”*

And Delphine sang,

“Dear, I fear we’re facing a problem

You love me no longer, I know

And maybe there is nothing

That I can do to make you do

Mama tells me I shouldn’t bother

That I ought to stick to another man

A man that surely deserves me

But I think you do!...”*

Until she couldn’t sing anymore. She was on the verge of crying, filled with feelings that hurt so deeply. When she finally reached the front of Cosima’s place, she killed the engine and got out. She didn’t bother to cover up from the rain, she let the cold wash away her fears and the thunder feed her courage; when she felt ready, she went right to the front door and knocked.

 

She heard the creak of the stairs, the steps getting closer. Delphine prayed to the seven heavens that Mrs. Niehaus wasn’t home, dealing with that woman was going to be a hellish difficulty, but her determination was stronger. She was going to speak with Cosima tonight, the apocalypse could be happening right now and she was still going to remain here until she spoke with Cosima.

The door finally opened and there she was, her Cosima. She could see her hesitation, not sure to shut the door in her face or talk to her.

“Bonsoir, Cosima, I promise I won’t take much of your time.” Delphine’s heart was beating so fast, seeing her girl made her melt on the inside.

“Okay.” No inflection in her voice. Delphine was lost; was she mad, was she happy? She had no clue.

“I have come to say goodbye. I’m going back to Toronto. I understand your decision to be with Danielle, I respect that, and I won’t bother you again, but…” Delphine was cold, her dampened clothes making her tremble, but she needed to pour her heart in these last words to Cosima, she had to make sure she knew.

“Cosima, you took my heart ten years ago and you still have it. And I love Danielle too, and I have become someone horrible, someone who is jealous and angry, and I hate this person. I can’t stand having you around with another person that is not me, and I know that sounds really sick and crazy, but I have never ever been so jealous in my life. I have to put distance between us, because it’s the only way you’ll be happy, and if that means making your life with Danielle, then—“

“We broke up,” Cosima cut her off. Delphine frowned, doubting what she just heard.

“Que? Porquoi?” Delphine was disconcerted. Last time she saw Cosima, she seemed very happy with Danielle.

“I care for Danielle, and because I know how much she means to you, too, I had to be honest with her. I’m not sure I’ll be capable of loving her. Not the love that should exist between a couple, at least.” Cosima pushed her glasses up to the bridge of her nose, being careful with her words.

“Oh, dear, Danielle must be so sad. I hope she is okay.” Delphine badly wanted to reach out to Danielle, but she needed to settle this first.

“You’re so shady, it’s hard to trust you, but I get the reasons behind those actions, Delphine. My mom told me what you really did; you lied to me to push me away. You hurt me to protect me. It makes sense; and yet, you’ve no idea how much that hurt, thinking that you never loved me. That destroyed me! However, I know that I was too harsh, quick to judge, too childish to listen to you, and I’m sorry for doubting you. I know this is kind of late, though, you know I’m always kind of late, kind of always sorry, so yeah, late apologies.” Cosima gulped, and took a deep breath to calm down.

“I’m sorry, too. I just wanted what was best for you. I did wrong, Cosima, I crossed a line that I should have never crossed. There’s no excuse for what I did, but I don’t regret one single minute with you. You made me discover a new world, you taught me what it was to be in love for the first time, even though I wasn’t supposed to, but I loved you, even behind the lies and the deception, love was the motor that propelled my actions... Je t’aime.” Delphine let out everything, she didn’t keep anything back. No more secrets and no more lies, she bared her heart and soul to this girl, this woman she fell in love with years ago.

Cosima was looking into her eyes; there was a glint of hope, of doubt, the fear of betrayal, as well. But also something else: a need. Delphine reached for her cheek, with her thumb she caressed her carefully, reading her body language. Was Cosima going to push her away, or was she going to let her approach? The eternal silence between them only filled with the sound of thunder. Delphine looked into her eyes, then her lips, eyes again. Dark and hungry, just like the raging storm falling right that second.

_Say that you love me._

And like a whispered prayer, “I love you too,” Cosima said.

 

Delphine crushed her lips in an instant, kissing her lovely girl, her Cosima, noting how perfectly she fit in her arms. She cupped her face and kissed her deeply, tongue scraping teeth, tasting her mouth, her skin. Cosima snaked her arms around her neck, kissing her back with the same intensity and desperation she felt. Soon the clothes seemed too heavy on her body. Cosima pulled off her wet jacket and threw it to the floor. She pulled Delphine inside the house and closed the door without locking it, they were too busy kissing to think about security.

Pieces of clothing started to fall along the hall and the stairs; the two women walked entangled in each other clumsily through the house, until they reached Cosima’s bedroom. Delphine kept dropping kisses along her neck and shoulders and back again to her mouth, devouring Cosima, desperate to eat her alive.

“Come here.” Cosima pulled Delphine to her bed, she guided her and when she sat on the edge of the bed she stared at Delphine, from head to toes. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, ma petite chiot.” Delphine smiled, the most genuine smile she had given in days. She removed Cosima’s glasses and put them on the night table.

Cosima giggled. “You’re the puppy!”

Delphine blanketed the short, dreadlocked geek with her body; she took her time kissing her, removing her bra efficiently, and once she uncovered the wonderful breasts, Delphine sucked them softly, worshipping them, licking her reverently.

Cosima’s moans only increased her own arousal, but she was going to take her time. She was going to be patient and explore Cosima’s body inch by inch, but she was nervous. It had been so long, too damn long.

“Hey, you’re trembling and cold.” Cosima pulled the blonde closer and kissed her while getting rid of her mismatched underwear. She turned them around and this time Cosima took control, warming her with her body, caressing those long legs she loved so much. She pulled the quilt over them, and once Delphine was warm enough, Cosima went down on her, drinking her hot liquid, tracing patterns with the tip of her tongue between her legs, and when Delphine’s pleas were too much, Cosima slid her fingers inside her home.

 

The French woman’s curses only increased the pleasure of the brunette while she ravished Delphine, making her explode in delight. The tree branches hit the window with intensity, just like Cosima pumped inside Delphine’s channel, and when she felt her walls contract, she smiled.

“Merde!” Delphine said, chest heaving; she was sweating and a bit shaken by the aftershocks of her orgasm.

“Not bad, huh?” Cosima grinned like she knew she just rocked her world.

“Brat.” Delphine quickly claimed Cosima’s mouth, she knew she had to step up her game, and so she did, taking her steadily like the wind blowing the leaves and then hard like the raindrops falling on the concrete, until she heard her beg.

The night was theirs, nothing else in the world to worry about, just the two of them; entangled bodies, wet and sleek, touching and caressing one another, pleasuring and marveling at the wonders of their bodies, their taste, feeling the beating of their hearts, loving each other. Their moans of pleasure filling the empty house.

“I think I might have Eskimo Pies downstairs,” Cosima whispered while she bit Delphine’s ear.

“Not yet, mon amour.” Delphine embraced Cosima and kissed her leisurely, taking her time; after all, she did have all the time in the world, didn’t she?

“Wow, you really move on pretty fast.”

“Oh god no, Danielle, this is not—” Cosima quickly covered herself, surprised at the other French woman standing in her door, dripping wet.

“I’m really an idiot,” she cut in.

Lightning lit the room, and that’s when she saw.

“Del?”

“Dani, I can explain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delphine sang:  
> * Empire - Shakira  
> * Heart by Heart - Demi Lovato  
> * Lovefool - The Cardigans


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I stand in the rain of this cold day  
> Tears are the words when I cannot confess the pain  
> Time will heal but I don't want to feel
> 
> Lacuna Coil - One Cold Day

The siren roared in the night, the ambulance speeding through the flooded streets as fast as possible, avoiding the heavy traffic under the oceanic deluge dripping from the sky, trying to reach its destiny.

“What do we got?”

“Female, 35, was hit by a car, multiple fractures, systolic 175, last pulse 147.”

“All right, people, take her to OR2, go go go!”

.

.

.

_BEEP    BEEP   BEEP   BEEP_

“Pressures dropping. Are her dopamine levels maxed out?”

“Yes, it’s in 20.”

“Patient’s fibrillating!”

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

“Come on!”

“Doctor, there’s internal bleeding.”

“Goddammit, come on, people!”

“CODING!!!”

.

.

.

**6 hours and 32 minutes earlier**

“You want to break up because you don’t love me enough?” Danielle asked.

“I do care for you, don’t doubt what we shared this last semester, please. I just need to figure this out and make sure that my feelings correspond with yours. I want to be with you because I love you, not because I feel safe with you or for the wrong reasons.”

Danielle gave her a warm smile. “Okay, that’s kind of surprising; I thought we were doing okay, but I see we’re not, nothing to do about it. But hey, I guess it is better to clear things up, before I thought on proposing. ”

“What?”

“Um, don’t mind me, I’m extrapolating. But, is there someone else?” Danielle had to know.

“Not exactly, it’s more the memory of that person that doesn’t leave me alone. A person that I loved. Still love, I think.”

“Okay, I um, I understand. Thanks for the honesty, I guess.  Anyway, you know where to find me if you want to talk, brat.” She felt her insides crumble. Why was it that no one could love her? Was she destined to be alone in this world? Danielle had so many questions; did she do something wrong; was she too passive? What was wrong with her? So many questions and no answers. Cosima, at least, was clear regarding her feelings, not like her Italian demon that used her like a tool.

 

The drops of rain felt cold against her skin like pricks of ice falling from the sky. She hurried and tried to get into a cab before the storm was set loose.

“Where are you, Del? Why won’t you talk to me?” That haunted her; why was her soulmate ignoring her? What could she have done to make Delphine behave like that? She had always been there for her when they were in relationships, and they had supported each other, but now she was acting so strange, uncomfortable, even.

Danielle caught a cab after walking several blocks away from Cosima’s place and went back to her hotel; she was in no mood to sightsee today, not after Cosima split up with her.

 

The storm broke, and the rain fell like a sheet enveloping the streets, the darkness of the sky was only lit by the lightning that seemed to crack the sky in half. She paid the driver and got inside the shelter of the hotel. At least she made it inside before getting all wet. Danielle took the lift and headed right to her room. Her heart felt heavy, like her steps; she was so disappointed. She really thought that there was something special to build with Cosima, now the only thing left was the emptiness she felt.

She sat on her bed, opened the nightstand drawer and took out her box, the box that made her feel less like shit, that took her to a wonderful, but also painful, time of her life. She rested her head on the pillow, holding the ring between her fingers, put it on when her eyelids started to close slowly, her mind drifting to her past, and little by little her body relaxed.

.

.

.

**June 23 rd, 2000. Paris, France.**

[Speaking French]

 _“Oh my, it’s her.”_ Danielle lowered her face, trying to avoid being seen.

 _“Who?”_ Delphine kept her eyes fixed on the book she was reading.

_“The Italian I met by accident. Oh shit, we have to go, Del, she can’t see me.”_

Delphine chuckled. “ _Can’t see you? She saw you completely naked, Dani, I don’t think that seeing you fully clothed will change her opinion about you.”_

Danielle put on the hoodie she was wearing, hiding her face as much as she could. _“Del, this isn’t funny. Let’s go!”_ Danielle pulled Delphine with her and together they started to walk to the exit of the library.

“ _Danielle?_ “

 _“Shit!”_ Danielle turned around slowly, clinging to Delphine’s side.

 _“Hey.”_ Danielle was making her best effort to look cool.

“ _It was you after all. I was a bit confused, you know, by the clothes, but yes, it is you.”_

Danielle’s face flushed, she was literally speechless. _“I uhm, ehm.”_

 _“Delphine, enchantée.”_ Delphine saved Danielle from embarrassment by introducing herself.

 _“Aryanna, piacere.”_ Both shook hands. Delphine eyed the Italian girl with some apprehension.

 _“See you around, Danielle.”_ Aryanna smiled and went back to her studies.

 _“Oh my god, you are crushing on her. Dani, don’t throw yourself like crazy into that girl. There is something about the way she looked at you, I didn’t like it.”_ Delphine kept walking with Danielle, who was still in shock.

_“Delphine; Jesus, relax. I like her, but I’m not going to fall for her, please. You know me, I’m having fun right now, I want to taste all the world has to offer first before committing, so don’t worry.”_

How wrong she was.

**April 16 th, 2001. Rome, Italy.**

_“Je t’aime, Aryanna_ ” Danielle nuzzled in Aryanna’s neck, while the Italian girl caressed her back tenderly.

 _“Ti amo anche io, Principessa. You have changed me so much, you have no idea.”_ Aryanna dropped kisses on those black curls that she liked so much.

 _“Ary, is it hard to be your father’s daughter? I mean, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth, so I really don’t know how this constant scrutiny of your life affected you.”_ Danielle leaned closer to Aryanna, kissing her cheek sweetly, enveloping the satin sheets around their entangled bodies.

Aryanna remained thoughtful before answering, she was measuring her words carefully.

“ _You cannot avoid the media freak show when your father is involved in politics; he is filthy rich and owns a pizzeria. People love that.”_ Aryanna sounded sad. _“But at the core, family is what matters the most. You do anything for your family. You’ve met most of the Giordannos yesterday.”_

_“Oui, your cousins were really fun and your brother is really handsome. Your mother was lovely, too.”_

_“Hey, no looking at mio fratello! You must have eyes only for me,_ ” Aryanna teased, then she tickled Danielle.

 _“I was just expressing my humble opinion_.” Danielle was laughing, trying to stop Aryanna’s tickle attack.

[Skype ringtone]

_“Alló?” Danielle was pulling away from Aryanna, who was still tickling her. “Del!!! I miss you, too, dummy. Yes, I am great. Mhmm. I’ll be back soon. Ha, no no, I’m okay, promise. love you, too.”_

Aryanna hugged Danielle after having some fun with her. _“And that’s your family. I’m going to have trouble winning her over, won’t I?”_

_“Delphine is not a bad person. She is a bit mad that I’m not spending much time with her, but she is the most amazing woman in the world. She will accept you, Ary, you’ll see.”_

**January 6 th, 2002. Paris, France.**

_“I’ll propose tonight. I know her father is coming, so I want to take the chance to do it in his presence.”_ Danielle showed the ring to Delphine.

Delphine examined the ring; it was made of 12k yellow gold with a diamond on top, delicate and elegant, like Aryanna.

_“Danielle, you know I love you and I will have your back always, but I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t trust her.”_

_“Del, I need you today more than ever. I love her with all my heart. Please, it’s important for me that you accept her.”_ Danielle held Delphine’s hands, looking her like a dying puppy.

Delphine chuckled and surrounded her with her long arms, tightening the embrace so Danielle knew that she would never do anything to hurt her.

_“If she’s the one you want, l already love her.”_

**The proposal that never was**

Danielle had put on her best dress; she wanted to look as best as possible; after all, she was a nobody from France, who had ended up dating the daughter of an important politician, and she wanted to show that she was worth it. Danielle came much earlier than anticipated, because she was going to propose before the dinner with her father.

The lift doors opened and she got in; she pushed the floor to the apartment they both shared and waited, she was so nervous, shaking like a leaf, but she was ready to pop the question. Once she made it to the floor, she walked to Aryanna’s apartment; however, from where she was she could hear her father’s voice. Danielle kept walking, and the closer she got, she could hear the bickering between father and daughter.

[Bickering in Italian]

After almost two years with Aryanna, she was fluent enough to understand most of the Italian being spoken. She knew it was about her.

“ _I told you that you can stop this already, mia figlia, you have done a great service to your family already!”_

_“Father, I don’t want to, why you can’t understand! I don’t want to keep lying to her anymore!”_

_“Are you insane? You don’t even like girls, Aryanna! You did this only because I asked this of you. Your duty has been fulfilled, stop this stupidity.”_

_“In the beginning, father! I accepted to make her fall in love with me for the family, for you, but I can’t keep doing this!”_

_“Que?”_ With tears in her eyes, Danielle opened the door with her key, the weight of the box inside her pocket too heavy to keep holding it.

Aryanna turned around when she heard the familiar voice, her face was pale with shock. It was clear that the conversation with her father was overheard by her girlfriend.

_“Danielle, I can explain.”_

_“You don’t even like girls!? What the fuck? All this time you’ve been lying to me!”_ Danielle screamed at the top of her burning lungs.

Aryanna quickly reached for her, but in return she got a slap.

 _“How stupid of me. Delphine was right! And here I was thinking about asking your hand in marriage; congratulations, Aryanna! You fooled the stupid pansexual French girl, you did a great job, indeed.”_ Danielle stormed out of that place, and the last thing she heard was Aryanna calling her name.

**May 8 th, 2002. Lyle, France.**

Danielle spent several months away from Delphine after she found out the truth, consuming opioids such as oxycodone and meperidine. It wasn’t until Danielle called a worried Delphine in a much drugged state that the blonde found where her friend was staying. When Delphine arrived, she found a suicide note and an overdosed Danielle; she called for help just in time.

Delphine took Danielle to her hometown in Lyle to get her best friend in rehab.

 _“I can’t take this anymore, Del. Please get me out of here.”_ Danielle was trembling; her face was clammy with cold sweat. Delphine sat with her, holding Danielle between her arms.

 _“Yes, you can, Dani. I won’t leave you alone. I promise.”_ Delphine had to be strong for her, or else she really was going to lose her friend.

_“I can’t with this pain, Del, make it go away, please.”_

_“Shhh, I got you. I will never hurt you, Dani. Please trust in me. That’s it, close your eyes, no one is going to hurt you again.”_ Danielle let Delphine’s voice soothe her, her eyelids closed and she finally drifted into a dream.

.

.

.

**3 hours and 24 minutes earlier.**

Danielle woke up startled, breathing heavily. She looked around and realized she was in the hotel, the dark clouds could be seen through her window.

“Merde, it was just a dream. That’s in the past. You’re safe,” she repeated out loud to convince herself that it was true.

She walked to the restroom and washed her face with cold water, then looked at her reflection in the mirror. “You’ve been clean 14 years, don’t let this drawback fuck it up. You’re stronger now. You have Delphine and you know that she would never hurt you, she has never left your side. You can trust her.” Yes, the best thing she could do at this moment was to call Delphine and tell her what happened, she was sure that her guardian angel would offer her great advice. Hopefully she was going to answer her this time;

whatever was going on with her friend, she could be there for her as well. Danielle went to look for her phone, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh crap, don’t tell me I left it at Cosima’s place.” Danielle looked around once more, but it was futile.

_What a moron; you’ll have to go back in this rain to pick up your phone. Great._

 

Danielle took the lift. In the lobby, she began to request a cab at reception, when from the corner of her eye she noticed some weird security movements. She turned around to check what the big deal was, and then it all made sense: Aryanna Giordano was walking into the lobby with Rachel Duncan.

Her heart stopped for one second. “Miss? You need transportation at what time?” Danielle faced the receptionist. “Huh? Uhm, I uh, doesn’t matter. Thank you.”

Danielle felt an anger surge within her; the dream she had, plus the break up, made everything worse. She stood there glaring at Aryanna with such a burning hate that when Aryanna looked at her with those brown eyes that, once upon a time, made her melt, only lit her inner fire; and that’s when Danielle ran and tackled the Italian in her oh-so-expensive Armani suit and punched her, again.

“What the?” Rachel gasped in shock.

Danielle kept attacking Aryanna until all her bodyguards removed Danielle and handcuffed her.

“Merda! Manache!” Aryanna sat up with effort, cleaning her bloody nose with the back of her hand. “No worries, Ms. Duncan, I’ll take this from here. We will meet much later.”  Rachel eyed Aryanna, but she moved on.

“Ti sono mancato?” Aryanna asked her old flame.

“Non, not a single day.” Danielle was pressed against the wall, her wrists handcuffed like a criminal, and escorted by two shady men in black to the privacy of her quarters.

 

“Signorina Aryanna, che cosa facciamo?” the bulky guard holding Danielle asked his boss.

“Yeah, Aryanna, what are you going to do? Put a bullet in my head?” Danielle was held tightly and surrounded at least by three more heavy armed men. There was no escape.

Aryanna chuckled; she went inside her bathroom to wash her face, when she returned she had cleaned her wounds, though her brow had a gash that was still open. “Lasciarla andare,” the Italian commanded.

Her men immediately released Danielle, removing the cuffs. Yet, they remained close to the threat that was Danielle.

“Lasciaci soli, per favore.” Aryanna requested; at once all the men in black left the two of them alone.

Danielle was still pissed, but she stayed put; she was too impulsive. If Delphine had been there, she would have scolded her like only a big sister could.

“Your right hook has increased in quality, if I must say.” Aryana winced when she checked her jaw, her face was clearly showing some damage after the punches that she received.

“I’m not apologizing,” Danielle disclosed.

“No need. I actually like this aggressive side of yours; if this is the only way to have you on top, then please keep hitting me.” Aryanna smiled with a devil-may-care grin that sent tremors to the pit of Danielle’s stomach.

“Am I free to go?” Danielle wanted to get as far away as possible from the Italian, and not for the reasons she should distance herself, so she went for the exit.

“Principessa, could you stop running away and look at me one second?” Aryanna took hold of Danielle carefully, stopping her in her tracks. “Ti prego, perdonari.” Aryanna went down on her knees, for the second time. “This encounter was not on purpose, I swear. I’m here on official business, but now that you’re also here, could you please talk to me? I kneel before you, and only for you, Danielle; I beg you, give me a chance.”

Danielle knew that she had to be strong, but looking at those killer brown eyes and the beautiful chestnut hair of that girl, kneeling down, making herself vulnerable, Danielle felt weak. How funny that this woman made her react like she had molten lava inside, even after so many years of separation. When with Cosima, she just felt silly butterflies.

“I have to go to pick up my phone at my girlfriend’s house.”

“In this storm? Have dinner with me first, and after that I promise one of my guys will drop you there. Please, _Principessa_. Just dinner, your partner shouldn’t get mad.” Aryanna took her hand, squeezing it lightly, as if she was made of porcelain; however, when she saw the ring, she released it immediately.

“Oh, I um, I had no clue. My apologies.” Aryanna stood up from the floor, looking quite surprised, and maybe a liitle sad? Aryanna walked to her restroom to put a band-aid to her eyebrow that was still oozing blood.

 

Danielle frowned; she had no idea what upset Aryanna so much, until she noticed that she was wearing the engagement ring she had bought specifically for her; before falling asleep she had it on, but she forgot to put it back inside the box when she awoke.

Aryanna Giordano was like a female version of Casanova, according to the gossip magazines she read in the past. She dumped guys like she changed cars, every month; or so the headlines said. The magazines and the media described the Italian girl as a sophisticated fashion icon, as well as a sexy and funny businesswoman, with sensibility and a profound sense of justice. But they had most of it wrong. Danielle knew that she was actually very coy; she preferred sweat pants and hoodies over those expensive designer clothes; she was sweet and loyal to her family; and no magazine in the world could have known that. By seeing that broken expression, Danielle remembered that she got to know the real Aryanna; at least that had not been a lie.

Aryana came back with a butterfly bandage on her eyebrow; at least she stopped the bleeding.

She sighed. “I’ll tell Massimo to take you where you need.” Aryanna opened the door and gave some orders to one of her goons.

“I wish you total happiness, Danielle, I really do; shame that my _Principessa_ will become someone else’s _Regina_.” Aryanna’s lopsided smile wasn’t as bright as before, but she was trying to keep it together.

Danielle was torn, she wanted to let Aryanna believe the lie and make her suffer, but her stupid heart was screaming to clear things up, to tell her that she was hers forever.

_NON! OUI!_

“Merci.”

Her will was stronger than her heart, at least right now; she walked away, and once out of sight she removed the ring and put it inside her pocket. Time to get her stupid phone back.

.

.

.

**18 minutes earlier.**

Massimo dropped her right where she told him. She thanked Aryanna’s bodyguard and ran to Cosima’s porch, but she still ended up completely soaked by the heavy rain. Danielle knocked, but the thunder roaring in the sky made it difficult to hear. She tried the knob, and to her luck it was open. She took a tentative step inside the house.

“Hello? Anyone here? It’s Danielle.”

No one answered, but she was going to get her phone and then she was out of there. She closed the door and walked through the hall; however, the pieces of clothing thrown around caught her eye.

“What a disaster. Cosima should pick up her clothes.”

Danielle reached the living room and a couple of lamps dimly lit the house. Danielle kept looking around for anybody, but there was no one. She finally spotted her phone on the table beside the couch; she put it in her back pocket and was going to leave when…

_MOANS_

“What the???” It was raining hard, she was probably confused.

Danielle took a couple more steps, but there it was again. Her eyes followed the stairs; there was more clothes thrown around.

She approached the stairs slowly, gulped down her anxiety and went up. Her steps were silent, muffled by the sound of those moans and the thunder. She could hear some voices coming from the door on the far left. She walked in and her heart was smashed into pieces.

“Wow, you really move on pretty fast.”

“Oh god no, Danielle this is not—” Cosima quickly covered herself, clearly surprised.

“I’m really an idiot,” Danielle cut in.

Lightning lit the room and that’s when she saw.

“Del?”

“Dani, I can explain.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!!”

_No no no no no no nope_

“Dani, listen to me. There is an explanation—“

“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! Holy shit, I get it. This was the reason why you were acting like a bitch, because you liked my girlfriend!? Jesus, Del. I would have never, EVER, believed this if someone else had told me. HOW COULD YOU!?”

“Danielle, I wanted to tell you, but you were so happy and now—”

“SHUT UP! You of all people, the one I loved the most, the one I trusted with all my fears, my secrets, my pain. YOU!!!” Danielle’s voice broke, but she continued, “You’re disgusting,” and bolted out of there.

_I will never hurt you._

“LIES!” Danielle ran as fast as she could, and when she reached the cold of the rain outside, she let the tears fall freely. She looked up in the dark sky, trying to understand why.

“Danielle, wait!” Delphine called behind her.

“I don’t want to hear you, traitor!” Danielle kept walking under the cold rain, but Delphine turned her around and held her.

“I wanted to tell you the truth, Danielle. Cosima was the student!”

Danielle remained silent for a second.

“WHAT?”

“Dani, Cosima is the girl I fell in love 10 years ago. When I realized that you were together, that killed me, but I saw how happy you were…” Delphine tried to reason with her friend, to no avail.

“You hypocrite! How many lies have you told? Why didn’t you to tell me? I would have understood, but no, you remained silent! You are nothing but a liar. Bitch!” Danielle shoved the blonde away and kept moving.

“What would you have done? I didn’t want to hurt you!” Delphine shouted.

Danielle laughed. “BUT YOU DID!” she screamed. “This hurts me more than anything else, all your damn lies, Delphine.

“I HATE YOU! Not Cosima, I give a damn about Cosima, but you, you hurt me worse than anyone else, worse than my mother, because you were my family! YOU PROMISED!” Danielle cried. She hurt so badly, there was no power in the world that could heal this wound.

“I am sorry, but what did you want me to do? You broke up already, and I was going to tell you anyway!” Delphine barked.

“Yeah? That you wanted to sleep with my ex? Well, congrats, Delphine. She’s a good fuck.”

_SLAP_

Delphine slapped Danielle instinctively, but she immediately regretted it; she was letting the worst of herself surface.

“Dani, please, let’s not fight,” Delphine begged.

“VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!”

“Danielle, don’t do this. I am extremely sorry this happened.” Cosima had caught up with the other two women.

“Cosima, we haven’t been broken up more than six hours, and you sleep with my best friend? Really? Was this some sort of revenge? Use me to get back at her? What kind of shit is this?”

“Danielle, just listen! I swear, I wanted this to work out between us. I promise that—”

“You know what? I don’t care. You two deserve each other. The two biggest liars I have ever met. I don’t want to see either of you again. Brûle en enfer!”

“Dani, just stop and listen!“

"Je m’en fou.” Danielle walked as far away as she could, checking the flooded street before crossing, but Delphine stopped her mid-way.

“FINE, DANIELLE, RUN AWAY, LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!!! I’m done cleaning up your mess; I’m done carrying your sins and trying to help. I’m tired of fixing your life!”

“Oh yeah? Who asked for your help, anyway? I mean, why waste your precious time with an addict who might relapse any time? Huh!? YOU SHOULD HAVE LET ME DIE!”

“Merde! Dani…” Delphine knew that what she insinuated was low; Danielle didn’t deserve any of that, not even when they were this angry at each other.

Delphine reached out, but Danielle rejected her. She was about to turn around when lights blinded both of them; Danielle heard the screeching of tires, and not so far away Cosima was screaming in horror. In their bickering, Danielle ended up in the middle of the street, and Delphine was in the left lane, right in front of a car.

**3**

**2**

**1**

“DELPHIIIINE!!!”


	27. Chapter 27

Cosima was in the waiting room, she was anxious and desperate for news from the OR. She was scared and with reason; she really wanted to avoid being pessimistic, but just remembering the horror of the bloody body lying on the pavement sent shivers down her spine.

Cosima closed her eyes and relived the tragedy once again: Danielle was distressed when she left her bedroom; she dressed with whatever she could find and ran after her friend. Cosima put on some baggy pants and a shirt and followed the two women, who were screaming at each other under the rain. Delphine insisted in talking, but Danielle was furious; she was hurting, and to make things worse, she found them in the worst possible moment. Obviously it was not going to be easy to talk to her. Cosima quickly caught up to them and she intervened, she told Danielle how sorry she was, but it was in vain. Delphine and Danielle kept up their bickering, which made the moment the more heartbreaking; seeing two best friends fighting like that, two people that loved each other, tearing each other not with fists but with words. What a sad event. Suddenly a car came out of nowhere, it was so dark and the heavy rain made the traffic conditions unsuitable. The car came too fast, Delphine was going to be hit. The horrible moment was thrown into slow motion.

“DELPHIIINE!!!” Cosima shouted; the desperation to reach her, to do something, to save Delphine, made her scream to the top of her lungs until it hurt.

The car hit the brakes, but the water made the street slippery, and then in the last second, Danielle pushed Delphine hard, throwing her to the side of street out of harm’s way, and the car hit Danielle instead.

Delphine realized that she was alive, she had some bruising and cuts after she fell to the concrete, and then she noticed the body several feet away from her.

“Mon DIeu! Danielle! Danielle!” Delphine ran to an unconscious Danielle. Her head had a huge gash and her leg was twisted at the wrong angle; she was breathing heavily which probably meant she had hurt her lungs. The rain washed the blood of the scene, staining it red.

“Call 911! We need an ambulance!” Delphine took Danielle’s hand in hers, pleading her friend to hang in there. Her desperation was evident. Cosima ran back to her house to make the call and prayed that Danielle was alive.

 

Cosima opened her eyes. She was tired but she couldn’t leave, not when Danielle was in tribulation. She stood up and headed to where Delphine was being treated on the other side of the hospital wing.

“Please, I told you I’m fine, I need someone to tell me what’s going on with my friend.” Delphine was getting stitches on her arm; she was pale and her eyes were red from crying.

“The doctors are doing their best. Please, you need to stay put so we can finish with you, miss,” the nurse said.

“She’s right, let them heal you first.” Cosima offered her hand in support and Delphine laced her fingers with Cosima’s.

“If she dies, I won’t ever forgive myself, Cosima. Danielle needs to be okay. I have to apologize. I didn’t mean anything I said…” Delphine wept.

“Danielle loves you, she saved you because she loves you so much. You two will fix this, you’ll see.” Cosima patted Delphine softly on her back, trying to reassure her, but she had to admit to herself that Danielle was in delicate condition. Cosima wanted to make things right, she felt so guilty too. If only she had talked to Danielle, if she had been clear about her feelings since the beginning, but there was nothing to do now, only wait.

 

Delphine paced from one side to the other of the waiting room, she had been properly treated and was waiting impatiently. She was standing near the door to try to see or hear anything, when suddenly, more doctors moved inside the OR. Delphine went after them.

“What is going on!? I demand to know…”

“Patient’s crashing!”

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

“Come on!”

“Doctor, there’s internal bleeding.”

“Goddammit, come on, people!”

“CODING!!!”

“Paddles to 150!”

“DANIELLE!” Delphine called, she saw the defibrillator near Danielle’s pale body, and Cosima quickly went in to pull Delphine out of the way.

“Clear!”

_BAMF!_

_BIDIBIDIBIDIBIDIBIDIBIDI_

_“_ Charge to 200”

“Clear!”

_BAMF!_

“Please, Danielle!” Delphine wanted to do something, anything, but she was a hindrance more than a help. Cosima held her tight, pulling Delphine away from the room.

“Delphine, come on, let the guys do their job!” Cosima kept pulling Delphine as far from the OR as possible.

BEEP  BEEP  BEEP       BEEP               BEEP                  BEEP

“Alright, people, let’s work fast!”

Delphine sighed and let Cosima drag her away.

“She is fighting, Delphine, she won’t give up that easily. We need to sit down.” Cosima guided Delphine out to the waiting room.

Delphine cried, her tears streaming down her face. Cosima pulled her closer, kissed her temple, and let her head rest on her shoulder and held her there, allowing Delphine to release all her pain and sorrow. And they waited and waited and waited.

 

It wasn’t until much later when the surgeon came out from the OR. The woman in scrubs was sweating and seemed tired; the surgery had taken several hours, and that drained the medical team.

“How is she!?” Delphine went to meet the woman in scrubs. She squeezed Cosima’s hand hard, fearing the worst.

“The patient is stable for now. She had a severe hemorrhage, which we barely controlled. Her internal organs went through some serious trauma, but she is a young and strong woman who fought hard. She has several fractured ribs, and her left leg is fractured as well. She will need months to recover, but hopefully she will have full motion after some therapy for her leg.”

“Thank you, Doctor…”

“Obinger.” The woman with the red hair smiled.

“Merci…” was all Delphine could muster before crying again. Cosima hugged her, letting Delphine release all the stress; the relief was huge. The guilt was eating her alive, and now she felt hope again.

“When can we see her, Dr. Obinger?” Cosima asked.

“She’s been moved to the ICU, so only one person should see her and very briefly. The patient is very weak, as soon as she is more stable, I’ll move her to the upper floors.”

“Go, Delphine, go see her. I’ll wait for you here, okay?”

Delphine nodded and went with Dr. Obinger to see her friend.

 

Delphine came back minutes later; she was so pale, Cosima went and hugged her again, kissing her cheek, making sure that Delphine felt her support.

“How is she?”

“Dani is plugged into many machines; she is getting oxygen through a pump, and she is going to remain sedated until her body heals more. This is my fault, everything's my fault Cosima. I didn’t trust her enough. I failed her, too.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Delphine. You were trying to protect her.”

“It should have been me, not her, Cosima! I have done enough damage to you, to her, to all the people I love.” Delphine was broken; it was difficult to cheer her up when her whole world was upside down.

“You’re tired, go to sleep. Danielle is in good hands.” Cosima was worried for Delphine, she had been injured, too, but it seemed her heart was the most damaged.

“But what if she needs me?” The blonde woman needed rest; it was clear her body couldn’t keep moving on, but her love for Danielle was pushing her to her limits.

“Delphine, you need to rest. Danielle is going to be monitored closely; trust Dr. Obinger, okay?”

“Look, why don’t we go to my place? The bed feels warmer with you in it.” Cosima tried to cheer Delphine up. She gave her one of those sassy grins to disarm her, but Delphine was extremely sad.

“No, I better rent a room near here. Besides, I’d rather avoid any confrontation with your parents. I can’t deal with more fights, not today.”

“Okay then, but don’t forget that you’re not alone, Delphine. I love you.” Cosima stood up on the tip of her toes and kissed Delphine on her cold lips. The brief contact warmed Delphine, giving her strength. She gave Cosima a weak smile and the two left the hospital.

________

Delphine left Cosima at her home and then went to look for a place to stay. She was supposed to be boarding a plane, but now, with Danielle facing her mortality, she couldn’t just leave her there.

“3:24 am. Merde.” Delphine found a place to stay, and as soon as she hit the bed, she slept.

By the time Delphine awoke, it was already past noon. The sky seemed clear through her window, the sun shone bright, but Delphine’s body hurt so badly. Now she was feeling the consequences of the hit she took when Danielle saved her life. Delphine had bags under her eyes. She cried in silence, seated on her bed, looking outside the window. Her heart was in pain; being apart from Danielle was like losing her sister. She really needed to make things right, she felt like shit; she lied and Danielle paid the price.

_It had to be me. Not her, but me!_

 

Delphine visited Danielle every single day. Cosima would also stop by and keep her company, and she was grateful for her presence. The first few weeks, Danielle remained connected to the oxygen machine and the IV for antibiotics and food. Finally, she started breathing on her own, and Dr. Obinger had said that Danielle should be waking up anytime soon. Delphine could only pray that she got better, she needed her sister safe.

“Here, I bought some coffee.” Cosima handed her the cup, Delphine took it and drank.

“You don’t have to be here, Cosima. You’re supposed to be enjoying your vacation, not here in a hospital.” Delphine felt she already ruined most of everybody’s lives.

“I don’t mind; Danielle is my friend, too, and I want to be here for her.” Cosima sat beside Delphine and held her hand.

“You spoke with Dr. Obinger earlier about certain types of medication while Danielle’s here. I had no idea that she was…” Cosima never thought about her terrible habit of smoking pot, while Danielle could have relapsed because of her tendencies.

“That’s something she doesn’t talk freely about, and it’s up to Danielle to share that story. If she didn’t say anything, then she wasn’t in any danger.” Delphine didn’t want to talk about it either, those days where as difficult as this; seeing Danielle in bed, crying in desperation, trembling and begging her to end the pain was so damn hard, and now Danielle was suffering again. Her face was still a bit swollen, she had been unconscious for weeks, allowing her body to do the healing. Delphine only wanted to see her smile again, to see her eyes sparkle with life.

“I’m sorry about all of this, Delphine; I invited Danielle to San Fran for selfish reasons. I really wanted to make this work with her, but deep down I knew. I should have said something to her.” Cosima was also feeling regret; so many things they could have done differently, but they made their decisions and these were the consequences.

“I had no idea it was you she was talking about. When we Skyped she seemed so excited and happy to get to know someone like you. I was so happy for Dani, it had been a long time since she was enthusiastic, and when I saw you two together I couldn’t tell her that she was dating the girl I loved the most. I never intended to hurt her, and yet, I still did.”

Cosima pulled Delphine closer to hug her; she kissed her cheek and rested her hand on the nape of her neck to ease her stress.

“We messed up badly, Delphine, we both did.” Cosima was right, they both fucked up.

“Urgh, why are... you… here?”

“Danielle!” Delphine quickly ran to Danielle’s bedside and took her hand. “Dani, I’m so glad you are awake. Please take it easy.”

“Go away!” Danielle hissed, her voice was raspy.

“Dani, please.” Delphine begged, but Danielle was stubborn.

“Don’t make me… regret saving… your ass. Get out! Merde!” Danielle was too tired to speak, but it was clear she was still angry.

Delphine’s expression broke into millions of pieces, her smile vanished and, resigned, she walked away.

“I guess it would have been better if you didn’t save my ass.”

“Danielle, don’t be a bitch. Delphine doesn’t deserve all that shit, you know?” Cosima went to defend Delphine, but the blonde shook her head.

“Let it go, Cosima. I’ll go speak with the nurse instead. Keep an eye on her.”

________

“Dude, that was not cool. Delphine has been worried sick, she remained by your side every single day, and this is what you come up with. If you wanna be mad at someone, then that should be me.” Cosima grabbed a chair and put it close to the bed.

“Delphine came to say goodbye, she was leaving because she was jealous of you and she didn’t want to hurt you. She knew she was being a pain in the ass, and to avoid making things worse she chose to leave.” Cosima tilted her head, making sure that Danielle was feeling okay enough to continue telling her side of the story.

“She told me that she loved me, but she was letting me be happy with you. I couldn’t let her go, and that’s when I told her that we broke up. So yeah, it’s me who should be blamed.”

Danielle took deep breaths; she was still weak, she had to take it easy.

“You two lied that you knew each other! I feel like an idiot. I knew what happened, kind of. Delphine never stopped caring for you.” Danielle was out of breath, still weak, but she was hurt, no denying that fact.

“Shhh, don’t waste your energy, please, just rest. We both care for you, and we are truly sorry, Danielle. I will see you tomorrow when you feel stronger.”

Cosima waved goodbye to Danielle before she got more pissed and went to meet Delphine, who was waiting outside teary and broken inside.

“Dani won’t even look at me, Cosima. This is the worst feeling in the world.” Cosima put her hand on Delphine’s back to soothe her.

“Give her time.”

 

But Danielle remained angry, bitter that Delphine had lied to her. She felt treated like a stupid, fragile woman, and to make things worse, the physical pain and the lack of mobility she was suffering made her more aggressive towards her friend.

“I said I don’t want to see any of you! You traitors can get the hell out of here!”

“Dani, I’m trying to apologize here. You’re my family, please!” Delphine begged over and over.

Cosima put the flowers that Delphine bought for her friend in a vase while the two of them bickered.

“YOU’RE NOT FAMILY! You are a professional liar. I bet you lied to Jennifer as well, huh? You told her that you were going to save her.” Danielle laughed bitterly. “You lied, she’s dead.”

Delphine expression turned grim, her despair forcing her to react; Cosima knew that shit was going to hit the fan if she didn’t step in, so she walked in front of Delphine to cut off her advance before she did anything in retaliation and regretted it later.

“Okay, we need to calm down—“

“Dani, you of all people know how hard I tried! Are you so bitter that Cosima chose me? Not like Aryanna, who chose her family over you! You had always been envious of me, now you’re showing your true colors!”

“Okay, that’s it! You’re going down, bitch!” Danielle ripped out her IV and was going to kick the living shit of Delphine with cast, bandages and everything. Cosima ran to stop her.

The bickering between the longtime friends switched to French. Cosima was not getting anything by how fast the two of them shouted at each other, but she was sure it was a lot of cursing.

“Are you two fucking insane!? Danielle, goddammit you have a freaking cast! NUUUURSE!” Cosima held Danielle as much as she could; the nurse came in with Dr. Obinger and they sedated Danielle.

“You need to leave; this is not helping the patient!” Dr. Obinger commanded.

Cosima pulled Delphine out of the room a bit forcefully.

 

“What the fuck was that? She is your friend, Delphine!”

“Are you taking her side? Is this how much you love me!?”

“No! Don’t put words in my mouth, Delphine. Shit!” Cosima couldn’t restrain Delphine anymore. The blonde was furious, but deep down she was a huge mess.

“I’m done with this, with everything. I give up.” Delphine left Cosima in the hospital in complete disbelief. The friendship of a lifetime gone in a matter of seconds; the cruelest things were said, their mutual love forgotten. Cosima was incredibly hurt, caught between two friends who now hated each other. She cared for them both. How could she help?

She had no clue, but she had to believe there was something worth saving. Things couldn't end like this, right?


	28. Chapter 28

Delphine was frustrated; she wished she could make things right, but Danielle was so mad. She also let the anger take hold of her, and they both said awful things, really bad things; fixing this was going to be difficult, maybe impossible.

She was walking through the hospital halls to reach the lift and get the hell out of there when she was stopped by none other than Cosima’s mother, who was going to visit Danielle.

“Dr. Cormier, how glad I am to see you. I am deeply sorry for what happened to your friend, I came here to wish her a quick recovery.” That caught Delphine by surprise, she didn’t know if Mrs. Niehaus was being hypocritical or if she was sincere in saying she was glad.

“Oh. I um, thank you, she is a bit, ehm, she’s asleep.” Delphine was on the defensive.

“Oh, that’s a shame. So it means you have free time, doesn’t it?” Mrs. Niehaus inquired.

“Oui, I guess so.” Delphine was not going to enter into the details of how much free time she had now that she had been kicked out of Danielle’s room.

“Wonderful, may I invite you to coffee? I wish to speak with you.”

Delphine nodded and accompanied the woman to a coffee shop near the hospital.

 

“You are doing incredible things at the Dyad Institute. A couple of weeks ago, I met Rachel and her Italian investor, and I saw the amazing work you have done; worthy of praise, Doctor.” Mrs. Niehaus drank her coffee, relaxed; there was no hidden meaning in what she was saying, nothing that Delphine could detect.

Mrs. Niehaus chuckled, “I guess I haven’t been the nicest person to you, Delphine. I get your mistrust, but I want to make amends with you. Give me a chance, please.”

“Okay, ehm, we have several projects in the works. The botany department will benefit from your expertise, Mrs. Niehaus.”

“Oh yes, Rachel discussed several things with me. It’s a great opportunity to expand, but I’d rather stay here. Ms. Giordano offered a joint collaboration with Dyad in order to sponsor my research here.”

“Wait, Aryanna is here?”

“Yes. You know Ms. Giordano?”

“Of course, she invested in one of our projects.” Delphine had an idea, possibly a terrible one, but what else could she fuck up? Her friendship was over.

They talked for several minutes about science; it was so easy to share ideas and discuss topics when they were in the same field. Cosima’s mother was brilliant and kind, only now Delphine could see that. Her father was a goofball, but that curiosity about the world that Cosima had was from her mother.

“Delphine, I’m sorry for how I treated you. I should have been less bitchy about what happened; not that I condone that you hooked up with my teenage daughter, but you never intended to hurt her. I guess I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Why?” Delphine barely touched the rest of her sandwich. This, she never expected.

“You got to know my daughter in ways that I should have, but didn’t. You were right, and I didn’t want to accept it. Your only mistake was moving on with that relationship when you shouldn’t have, but I know you loved her well. So, what I’m trying to say, is that I am sorry.” Mrs. Niehaus lowered her gaze apologetically, embarrassed by all the shitty things she said to Delphine in the past.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Niehaus; you wanted to protect your daughter. I understand that. We both want what is best for Cosima, no need to apologize; it’s all forgotten.” Delphine was being honest, there was no resentment, and that was good, because she had to do something to put an end to this cycle of pain and suffering.

“Mrs. Niehaus, I can’t be with your daughter, not anymore.”

“Wait, if this is because of me, I guarantee you that I won’t intervene anymore in my daughter’s love life.” Mrs. Niehaus was shocked, she was kind of expecting to solve this issue.

“Non, it’s not you, Mrs. Niehaus. I love her with all my heart, but I have caused enough damage already. I have hurt her in ways that are unforgivable; I destroyed the life of my best friend, your daughter was caught in the middle and I... I have to go away, disappear from her life; she deserves someone who won’t put her through this… mess.” And like a mirror cracking on the floor, Delphine broke, all the sadness she was feeling, the pain, and the hurt, she let it out. Her tears streamed down her pale cheeks, her rosy lips trembled. She hid her face from Mrs. Niehaus, ashamed.

“Oh, come here, child,” Mrs. Niehaus scooted close to Delphine, surrounded her with her arms, caressing her head softly and offering solace while Delphine cried. Her sobs tore at Mrs. Niehaus. Seeing a strong woman like Delphine break was painful.

“I don’t know how hard it must’ve been when your best friend ended up with Cosima, and the consequences for sure were devastating, but maybe you’re jumping to conclusions. This can’t be the end. Cosima loves you so much…”

“And that’s why I can’t keep doing this to her over and over again. I’m done fighting for this relationship; life stops me no matter what I do! Please, tell her to finish her studies, keep her focus, and time will make sure she finds the right person. I’ve come to realize that this person is not me.” Delphine wiped the tears away; making sure she didn’t look so pathetic, and thanked Mrs. Niehaus.

 

 

 

Delphine was ready to return to Canada after dealing with her personal affairs. Her vacation that turned into one of terror was over, but before she headed to the airport, there was something else she needed to do. She took a deep breath and then knocked on the door.

When the door opened, a tall man dressed in black let her through, he escorted her to an office, and there she met Aryanna.

“Delphine. I was astonished when you called me last night in order to meet me.” The girl had her hair in a ponytail, dressed in a designer suit and expensive boots that screamed “rich girl” wherever she went.

“It’s about Danielle,” Delphine commented somberly.

“What happened!? Is she okay?” Aryanna was clearly preoccupied; she stood up from her chair, ready to jump into action if that was needed.

“Well, she had an accident almost three weeks ago, but she is recovering quickly.” Delphine tried to be brief in her story; she was not going to get into the nasty details of their quarrel, of course.

“Dio mio! But she really is going to be fine, yes?” Aryanna was pacing in her office, fear and doubt reflecting in her eyes.

“Yes, she is improving. But she cannot do it alone. She doesn’t want to see me, and I don’t want to make things worse, so here I am, asking you to be there for her. I know you’re busy, but if your words of love are true, you’ll know what to do.”

“But I am confused, I thought she was engaged? Where is her partner?” Aryanna took a seat again on her couch, thinking deeply what Delphine was asking of her.

 

Delphine took a ring out from her pocket and put it on the desk.

“She was carrying this inside the pocket of the jeans she wore the day of the accident. This ring was bought years ago. That ring was supposed to be yours.”

Aryanna remembered Danielle’s broken expression, the tears, and the hurt, everything that haunted her since then.

“That night she found about my lies, she told me she was going to propose, but—oh crap—I never saw the ring, never saw her again until that day she kicked my ass.”

Delphine knew exactly what happened to Danielle after she found out the truth. She wished there was anyone else in the world to trust her friend to; Cosima was not a choice, she had to go back to Minneapolis, and therefore, the only option left was the Italian.

“She wanted a reminder of what happened. I told her to get rid of it, but she didn’t. I guess she couldn’t forget you, for better or worse. She hates me now, and I need someone I can trust. Sadly, that’s you.”

Aryanna laughed. “Did you see my face? I still have some scarring. Danielle punched me, and hard, she doesn’t want anything to do with me, or else why would she lie about her engagement when we met here?” Aryanna knew it was a serious matter when Delphine was the one asking her to take care of Danielle. However, it was only natural to have doubts.

“Dani is very impulsive, but trust me, right now all her hate is directed towards me. This is your chance to make things right, Aryanna. This is the only opportunity you will have to make her fall in love with you again, but if you hurt her, I’ll be coming for your head.”

 

Delphine had nothing else to say, she left the hotel and headed to the airport right away. She was leaving her girl behind again, but after all her mistakes; she couldn’t forgive herself if she kept ruining her life. She made her decision and was ready to move on. Cosima had a bright future, one that couldn’t include her. She was leaving Danielle, but Delphine was sure she made the right decision in asking Aryanna to look after her friend.

Delphine boarded her flight, and with a sigh, she said, “Farewell, Cosima.”

_________

“Dude, you need to stop. Delphine just wants to talk, she is trying her best, and you shut her down every time, Danielle. You two are friends, for fuck’s sake!” Cosima was visiting Danielle, trying to help, but it was all in vain.

“I don’t want to talk, not to her or you. I mean, did you even like me? You just banged my best friend, how I am supposed to feel!? Since when are you two doing the do? Delphine has been in the city longer, I guess you two had plenty of time to fuck each other behind my back!”

“Danielle, no! We didn’t have sex while you and I were together. We just, um, there was some kissing, but I swear I fought hard to keep my distance from her, to stop thinking about her. And that’s why I had to end this. If I loved you like I was supposed to, then why it was so hard to stay away from Delphine? It was better to split up.” Cosima’s hands were a swirl of movement; she tried hard to explain the real reason why their relationship wasn’t going to work out.

“I hate being stuck in this stupid bed, when all I want to do is go back to France and forget that you two existed!” Danielle closed her fists, her jaw was clenched, and she was all fury.

“Danielle, I liked you. I wanted this to work. But Delphine left a hole so big in my soul, no matter what I did, I never stopped loving her. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, sorry to drag you into my disastrous life. Have you ever loved someone so much that it just hurts to think about it? That’s how I felt for the last 10 years regarding Delphine.”

 

Danielle remained silent for a while, thinking deeply, remembering her past, the life she left behind, the betrayal, then she sighed, maybe it was time to be honest with each other.

“I know what you’re talking about, remember troublemaker girl?” Danielle’s heart clenched.

“Woah, wait. That was not a story? Oh shit, you were troublemaker girl and Delphine was… fuck. I’m an idiot, I thought it was all fiction.”

“Non, that was my story. That girl hurt me so much, I thought she was the one, we dated for almost two years, and I was about to propose to her, when I learned the truth. Then I ended up at the lowest point of my life.”

“And Delphine brought you back. Danielle, I am so sorry. If you wanna hate someone, hate me, not your sister, because I know how much you mean to her. Delphine was giving up on me, for you.” Cosima was hit by a huge remorse now that she knew that Danielle had it rough in the past; a similar situation to her own, though not as bad.

“Danielle, the love that exists between you and Delphine is something that neither I nor anyone can break. You might be all the angry you want with her, nothing is going to change the fact that you put your life on the line for her. Nothing will erase what you two have shared. You two are family.” Cosima stood up from her chair to get close to the bed where Danielle lay. “I wish we could be friends, not like the bromance you have with Delphine, but at least something special like it.”

“What Delphine did hurt so much; those stupid lies have created mistrust. I love her and I trusted her, and that’s why it pains me so much; I don’t know if I can see her the same way again.”

“You will, because you two know each other deeply, and you know why she did what she did. You two are acting like complete morons, I guess that—“

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation.

“Um, excuse me, can I come in?”

Cosima frowned, she had never ever seen this woman before, and yet, the style, the looks of the woman; it was pretty much like seeing another Rachel Duncan, except that this one didn’t look like a complete bitch.

“Aryanna, what are you doing here?” Danielle was very wary of this girl’s presence, Cosima noted.

“I spoke with Delphine, she told me about you, Danielle. I brought these flowers to wish you a great recovery, and also, to give this back.” Aryanna put the flowers on the table beside the bed and handed Danielle the ring.

“Hi… um, awkward. I’m Cosima. You’re her life-ruiner, I suppose.” Cosima waved her hand toward the stranger while she observed the weird exchange.

“I’m Aryanna, the life-ruiner, I think. You’re the girlfriend?” She smiled politely, but she was eyeing Cosima too, studying the competition.

“Um, was. As of almost three weeks now, but I’m also her friend, even though she is hella pissed at the moment.”

“Right. Nice meeting you.” Aryanna focused on what she came to do and returned her attention to the French woman. “A and D. You engraved the ring with our initials.  Gosh, what wouldn’t I have given to wear that ring, Danielle.”

“You missed your chance the day you betrayed me, Aryanna. Interesting that all the people I have cared about betrayed me, I must be cursed or something,” Danielle said sourly.

“Danielle, just talk with Delphine, okay? I know she got booted from here, but if I tell her you are willing to be civil she will come, she loves you too much.”

“Delphine? She’s gone.” Aryanna interjected.

“What do you mean she’s gone? She was here a day ago.”

“She told me she needed someone who could take care of Danielle, she asked me to keep an eye here on her behalf, while she returns to work.” Aryanna retold what Delphine asked her to do word by word.

“Dude, you have to be kidding me.”

Cosima got her phone out of her handbag and called Delphine’s latest hotel.

“Hi, I would like to speak with Ms. Cormier, room 821.” Cosima waited impatiently, tapping her foot on the floor. “Yes? What? Today? Thanks.” Cosima closed the phone; her heart stopped for one second, but she felt like she was dying.

“What is it, Cosima? Where’s Del?” Danielle asked, the tone of her voice was soft, caring.

“She checked out first thing in the morning. Delphine, she um, she left, she really went back to Canada without saying a word. I have to go, I gotta find her.” Cosima grabbed her things and went back home; she needed to find out why, maybe Rachel had something to do with this. Maybe.

 

 

 

Cosima ran to her bedroom and started to pack as fast as she could; she needed to get to Delphine, put some sense into her. How could she leave her without a farewell? She gave up on them again. Cosima quickly headed to the living room, where she met her parents, who just arrived.

“Whoa, kiddo! Where’s the fire?” Her father scratched his head, seeing his daughter running around the house like crazy.

“Sorry, pops, I have to catch a plane.” Cosima went to the library to pick up some documents, opening drawers in desperation.

“Cosima, slow down and sit. We need to talk.” Her mother leaned on the doorframe of the library, arms crossed, and waited patiently until her daughter listened; however, Cosima was deeply focused on her task.

Her mother had to get her attention.

“Delphine spoke with me yesterday.”

That made Cosima lifted her gaze and stared at her mother.

“Wait, you two spoke?”

“Sit down, sweetie.”

 

Cosima walked to the nearest chair and there she sat. Her mother took the chair next to her and took a deep breath before speaking again. “Delphine told me she was leaving, she had to go back to the Dyad Institute. I apologized and we kind of fixed our issues. She assured me it had nothing to do with that and everything to do with her curse to ruin lives.”

“What the hell is wrong with these French women and their curses? Mom, I just got her back in my life, I can’t lose her again,” Cosima stated. She was sure now more than ever that this love for the blonde was never going to die.

“She asked me to tell you to finish your studies and find the right person,” her mother said calmly.

“But I already found the right person, mom! Why can’t she understand that?”

“She feels responsible for what happened, honey. She loves you, and that’s why she wants what she feels is best for you. She has a life in Canada, where she has huge responsibilities. That’s where she belongs, that’s where her life is, Cosima, not here. What you should ask is, if you’re ready to be by the side of a woman like her. Are you capable to be her match in all aspects of life?”

Cosima pushed her glasses up on her nose; she was thinking hard; her mother was right, go after Delphine to tell her to do what? Come back to San Francisco, and then what would they do? She didn’t have a job, she was a PhD student. Delphine would be without a job as well, and even though Delphine was capable of finding something good, she couldn’t do that to her. All this time, the only thing that Delphine wanted was for Cosima to get the education she deserved.

“I get it, mom. You’re right, Dr. Cormier needs someone on her side who can be her equal, not a kid whom she is supposed to provide for and take care of; however, I know in my gut that I’m her match mom. I’m the person who is supposed to be with her the rest of her life, and I can’t give her up, not after we kinda hooked up again.”

“Oh dear, too much information, daughter, but really, what are you going to do?” Her mother crossed her legs, feeling more at ease after having this conversation with her crazy-in-love daughter.

“I have to finish my PhD first, and then, we’ll see if we’re really meant to be.”


	29. Chapter 29

The first month felt like an eternity; Delphine had returned to Toronto with no hope and feeling like the worst human in the whole world. After the events with Danielle, she simply went back to the loneliness of her apartment and laboratory, to her daily routines. To continue supervising the projects she had under her care, this time Delphine was going to make sure that she didn’t fail the science again, that was her only consolation.

Delphine had been in her office before dawn, catching up with the paperwork she had left when she took her vacation. She was wearing her white lab coat over her white button-up and red jeans with long black boots. She had the tip of her pen in her mouth while she read more and more project protocols and new research proposals. Her hands at least where full with work, or else she would be too tempted to make a call to know about her dreadlocked girl she left without a word in San Francisco; always looking at the Skype contact list, desperate to hear from Danielle. She would always open the chat window and type _Desolée_ ; however, she never hit enter. That was her daily routine, and thankfully she was so busy, or else she would have drowned in pity a long time ago. The last few weeks had been the unhappiest of her life; she missed Danielle’s daily chats and calls. Never had they spent so much time apart, except when Danielle went AWOL years before, and she had looked even under the rocks to find her during those dark days.

 

Delphine kept typing the rest of her reports on her laptop to avoid getting into a terrible mood.

“Why are you so sad?”

“Merde! Don’t scare me like that” Delphine raised her sight and spotted a tiny girl with beautiful curls and a cute smile on her face.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You’re auntie Delphine?”

“Oui, I’m Delphine. I suppose you’re Kira. Yes?” The little girl nodded, she was eyeing the office with curiosity.

“Are you lost, Kira? May I take you to your mother?” Delphine stood up from her chair and walked to meet the girl.

“No, mom brought lunch for mommy Rachel and they are busy. I wanted to go and see the laboratories.” Kira explained in such a way that Delphine marveled and it made her heart clench. She could almost imagine it, a tiny girl speaking like Cosima, moving her hands like magic and with a huge grin on her face. She wanted a family of her own, too, with that cheeky girl she left. How troublesome.

“Oh, I see. I can take you there if you want.” Delphine kneeled beside the girl to see her eye to eye.

“Do you miss aunt Cosima?” Kira blurted out.

Delphine was a bit creeped out, this girl was too intuitive or too curious, but she seemed to know too much for her age.

“I um, yes, I miss her.” Delphine offered her hand to guide Kira to the laboratories. Kira took it and walked with Delphine.

“You shouldn’t be so sad, aunt Delphine; if aunt Cosima makes you happy you should go with her,” Kira commented.

Delphine couldn’t help but smile, Kira was such an innocent and sweet girl.

“Things are a bit more complicated, Kira. Cosima deserves someone amazing who makes her very happy.” Delphine swiped her card and let Kira enter her laboratory.

“I think you are amazing, auntie Delphine,” Kira remarked.

 

Delphine showed Kira around all the equipment and the purpose of each machine, the little girl asked many questions and was interested in the explanations Delphine provided; it was such a wonderful time.

Delphine brought Kira back to the main building, where she met Sarah.

“Oi, Delphine. Hey, monkey!” Kira ran to her mother’s arms, who lifted her up and kissed her cheeks. “You were with Delphine, yeah? Thanks Delphine, I freaked out when she was gone from the waiting room.” Sarah bloomed with happiness with her kid. Delphine could see how happy she was, and she knew Cosima would be just as great with kids. Delphine just knew it.

“She was a wonderful companion, I showed her the lab and she learned a lot today,” Delphine concluded. Sarah thanked Delphine for babysitting her daughter and the two of them waved goodbye.

 

Delphine headed back to her office to continue working, but she realized she was starving. As usual she let herself work until she was famished. Danielle would be scolding her by now, and that hurt, knowing that they were never going to be taking care of each other again.

“Non, I have to try again.” Delphine couldn’t quit on their friendship, seventeen years of being friends couldn’t vanish into thin air. She logged into her Skype account and typed a message for Danielle, and this time she sent it. She waited for a response, but none came. Delphine sighed, she was hungry and tired, so she picked up her things and went home.

 

 

 

The afternoon was chilly, the rain started falling around mid-morning and Delphine had put on her black jacket to keep herself warm. She was too busy, which made her a complete idiot; she brought her work from the office, so it was pointless to rest. She ordered pizza since it was the fastest way to keep focused on her work. She kept reviewing the latest results on her stem cell project until the bell rang. Her stomach growled in desperation for the delicious pizza she was going to eat. She grabbed her wallet and walked to the door.

“Good eve… Danielle!?” Delphine was surprised.

“Hey, I um, pizza’s here.” She offered the box. “I’ve been here for hours; I just couldn’t gather the courage to come up until the delivery guy came. I already paid for it, so, um, here you go.”

Delphine took the pizza from Danielle’s cold hands, trying to process that she was really here.

Danielle followed her inside, she still had her leg in a cast and was using a crutch to walk around, but in general she seemed much better.

“I… I missed you too,” Danielle said. She was shaking; after, all she had stayed out in the cold rain for hours. “I know I’ve been acting like an ass and I—“

Delphine hugged Danielle hard, squeezing her tiny frame and warming her with her body heat. “I am so sorry, Danielle. I never meant to hurt you,” Delphine sobbed.

Danielle leaned on her friend. “I’m sorry, too, I should have never said the things I said.”

Delphine took a step back from her friend, looking at her from head to toe.

“We both said awful things, Dani. I’m sorry for everything.”

“We both fucked up big time. But, you’re my family, and last time you looked out for me, I guess it was about time I did the same for you. So, here I am, Del.” Danielle smiled at her longtime friend, it was sincere and kind.

Delphine hugged her friend tightly, wanting to never let go.

_GROWL_

Danielle laughed. “Del, you have been skipping meals, haven’t you? Sit down, you dumbass; I’m going to bring the food to the table.”

 

Danielle went for the pizza box, while Delphine looked for dishes and Coke. The two of them sat and ate like they used to do together.

“How did you find me? Since when you are in Toronto?” Delphine was curious.

Danielle munched with enthusiasm on a slice of pizza.

“Well, Aryanna helped me with that. I arrived here like two weeks ago, but I was too embarrassed to come and talk to you. I was afraid you wouldn’t see me. You’re a moron for sending Aryanna in your place and a major dumbass for leaving Cosima behind.”

“Geez, thanks Dani. And I never would have denied seeing you, dummy.” Delphine drank her cold beverage.

“Non, thank you. Ary has been really good to me, we are getting back to normal terms. At least I haven’t punched her yet.” The two laughed in unison.

“That’s great, but she has been warned. You tell me if that woman tries anything, Dani. If she ever makes you cry, I swear I’ll make her pay.” Delphine meant it; she was going to rip the Italian’s head off if she hurt her friend again.

“Cosima is back in Minneapolis. She will conclude her doctorate, last I spoke with her. You should go talk to her, Del. I know how much you love her, don’t be an idiot. Don’t give up on her. Look, I lied, nothing happened between us, you know?” Danielle wiped her mouth with a napkin, she felt so much better after freezing her ass for hours outside.

“What do you mean?” Delphine took another bite.

“We never did the do, I just wanted to hurt you. Not for lack of trying, though. I never stop thinking about Ary, Cosima never stopped thinking about you. I’m sorry. I hurt you and you didn’t deserve any of it. Sorry about Jennifer, too. I should have never said all the shit I said.”

“I failed my promise to you, I did hurt you. I was supposed to be your family, and I was the one who lied; I’m deeply sorry, too.” Delphine rested her hand over Danielle’s, who in return squeezed it.

“I know she still loves you, Del, you have to fight back.” Danielle drank soda, better to refresh herself before she started crying and made this reunion all sappy.

“I only make things worse, Dani. I hurt her so much; she needs better in her life,” Delphine declared.

“Dummy, you are what she needs in her life. If you don’t go and reach out for her, I will drag your pale ass to Minnesota, Del.” Danielle grinned.

“Fine. And my butt is not pale,” Delphine remarked.

“Want to bet?” Danielle chuckled.

“You are the pervert.” Delphine was so full of joy, being with Danielle like they used to was pure bliss. She couldn’t believe that her idiotic friend had been here for two weeks and she was afraid to come speak with her. The two of them were complete morons for acting like kids, but Delphine was so glad to have her back in her life. If only speaking with Cosima was that easy. She doubted Cosima was going to give her another chance.

________

Cosima wake up, startled.

“Shit.” she rolled off of her bed and went to shower fast, she was going to be late again for classes.

She ran through campus until she made it to her class; she quickly caught up with the discussion of today’s lecture and got to work right away. Cosima had to admit that she missed Danielle. Her company while she was here was what she needed to fix her lonely life. Now that the French woman was gone, she felt that loneliness again. She had three more semesters left, so it was going to be a long stay here, and she doubted that she was going to be better at friend- making.

Cosima filled out her report and delivered it just in time. Once the class ended, she headed to the cafeteria to have something to eat. She grabbed a tray and picked up some fruits and tea, then she looked around for an empty spot, and when she sighted one in the farthest corner of the cafeteria, that’s where she sat.

 

She ate while reading a research paper for her next class. Cosima was taking notes and stopped to take a look around. There were so many people hanging out with friends and laughing, she felt alone more than ever. Before Danielle left San Francisco, she kind of settled things with her. Danielle told her that she was going to make things right, but Cosima didn’t quite understand what she meant. She hadn’t heard a word from the French woman since then.

In the past month after she returned to Minneapolis, Cosima felt incomplete. The fact that her brief encounter with Delphine served to make her understand that she was only going to love that person in this world made things worse. The loneliness she felt was nothing compared to the pain she felt in her heart, Delphine was the love of her life, period; no discussion about it. But that woman was always making decisions on her behalf, like she was still a small kid, and that pissed her off.

Cosima was going to finish this doctorate and prove that she was capable enough of taking care her of herself, that she could make her own decisions and make it big. Cosima ate the last fruit on her plate with frustration; Delphine Cormier was going to drive her insane.

“Seriously, who gave you the right?” Cosima complained out loud. She cleaned her table and went back to class.

 

 

 

“Shit, heal me up! HEAL ME! Fuck, Scott, I’m dying!” Cosima pressed the keys fast, attacking and moving away from the dungeon boss while Scott did his thing.

“Gotcha! Hurry up, dude, my magic is low,” Scott announced through the speaker.

“One second, alright. I got this asshole, dude. High five!” Cosima was smiling in victory after she beat the crap of this dungeon’s boss.

A knock on the door startled her. “Um, wait Scott, someone’s knocking.”

“Quickly, hide the porn!” Scott chucked at his terrible joke.

“Oh fuck off, dude.” Cosima removed her headset and went to the door.

“Holy watershed!” Cosima was speechless.

“Good evening to you, too, Cosima.” Rachel Duncan arched her brow. She moved past Cosima and entered the messy loft.

“Shit, um, please come in,” Cosima said sarcastically.

The displeasure in Rachel’s expression was enough evidence of her disgust.

“Don’t forget who pays for this.”

“Oh right, I almost forgot about it. I guess this is how you clean your conscience, right?” Cosima closed the door and sat on the table.

“If you expect apologies, then I’m sorry if I destroyed your little affair with Dr. Cormier years ago, Cosima. Do I regret it? No. In a way, I guess sponsoring your career makes me feel good.” Rachel was as bitchy as ever.

“Dude, wow, such remorse. How can you even stand yourself? What do you want? Are you kicking me out?” Cosima eyed Rachel with the boldness that characterized her, she was never going to bow to that psycho.

“No, actually I have an offer for you.” Rachel opened her briefcase and handed the documents to Cosima.

“What is this?” Cosima frowned; she read the documents with some mistrust.

“Two days ago, Kira came to me and asked me for a favor. I couldn’t refuse, so here I am, honoring my word.”

“Whoa, are you sure this is right? Too many zeros.” Cosima was pretty doubtful.

“It is correct, I reviewed the terms and conditions personally: a job offer at the Dyad Institute under the supervision of Dr. Delphine Cormier. You will have your own laboratory and all the support of the biotechnology department, once you conclude your doctorate program, as stated in the terms below.”

Cosima was in awe, this offer was too good to be true. A job with Delphine, where they could be together, doing crazy science.

“Why would you do this?”

“I’m not doing this for you; I could care less about your entanglements with Dr. Cormier or Dr. Fournier or whoever you’re shagging at the moment. However, I have to admit that you could be a great addition to our science department; after all, I have paid for your service in advance. I just have to make some calls and you would be finishing your studies in Canada.”

_All right, this fucking bitch knows how to do business, I’ll give her that._

“Shit. Kira. That’s Sarah’s daughter, isn’t it, you fucking loser. You have feelings buried under that robot appearance. Damn, Rachel Duncan has feelings. Ha!” Cosima mocked.

“Please, don’t waste my time, Cosima. Sign the contract or don’t, but make a decision already. I have a plane to catch.” Rachel was unfazed, but Cosima could see the way her jaw clenched; she tried hard to hide those feelings she felt for Sarah’s kid, but it was clear she cared, or else she wouldn’t be here.

“A job offer, huh? For some reason it feels like I’m selling my soul to the devil.” Cosima grinned cheekily, she was testing Rachel, and it was so much fun. She might never, ever like Rachel; they could despise each other forever; nonetheless, this was her best chance to be close to her love.

“Where do I sign?”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. I have no words to thank you for sharing your excitement and your passion during the updates of this fic, I had so much fun with you. You are the best readers in the world. Thank you again and I really hope you have enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it. Seriously, thank you. If you liked this, please share it with your friends, get the word out cos you know, more people reading, more motivation for me to keep writing.
> 
> xx  
> Tana

It was raining, the clouds were covering the sun; however, the light rays still crept through the window, letting her know it was morning already, but her alarm hadn’t been activated yet, it was too early. Instead, she placed the blanket over her head to keep it dark. The alarm sounded off minutes later, with her hand she reached the clock and pressed the snooze button to keep sleeping. It was too chilly to get out of bed.

It was mid-October, and she had been enrolled in the department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology of the University of Toronto for several weeks now.

Cosima Niehaus, 28 years old, and she was still a complete loser. She came to Canada with the desire to be with Delphine; however, she had no idea where she lived or any way to contact her, and no way in hell she was going to Dyad. She didn’t want to cross paths with Posh Spice, at least until the time to fulfill her part of the contract came, which was going to occur in a year and a half.

“What day is today?” Cosima mumbled, she was so tired from her MMORPG adventures with Scott the night before that she forgot what she had to do today. She peeked out of her blanket to see her clock.

“SHIT!” She jumped out of bed faster than a bullet and went to shower.

“I am such an idiot, today is the damn lecture on stem cells. How could I forget it!” Cosima scolded herself for being as oblivious as ever and went inside the shower.

 

By the time Cosima was ready, she knew she was going to be at least 30 minutes late. She paid the cab, and when she got out she ran as fast as she could through campus, she was evading people like a pro; however, she never saw the tall smoker turning around the corner.

“Ow my ow.” Cosima landed on the cold pavement. “Shit, I’m so sorry, let me pick up your—“

“Co-si-ma?”

Cosima raised her sight and there she was, a blonde with majestic hair and puppy eyes staring back at her, lips pink like a flower and skin as white as milk.

“Delphine?”

“Mon Dieu! Cosima, you’re here, but how? I thought I lost you, I called the University of Minnesota by the end of September and they told me you had transferred somewhere else.” Delphine stood up, she smoothened her jacket and looked quizzically at the tiny dreadlocked girl.

“I um, yeah, I transferred here, thanks to your friendly neighborhood spider-bitch.” Cosima handed the rest of the things to Delphine.

“Que?” Delphine definitely didn’t get the reference.

“Rachel, she offered me a deal. So, here I am. I’m concluding my PhD in Toronto.” Cosima gave her a shy smile, she had no idea if Delphine was happy or not to see her.

“Oh, I see. That’s all.” Delphine sounded disappointed.

Cosima smiled, showing those fangy teeth. “The puppy is not supposed to leave the explorer, you know? You have to stop making decisions on my behalf, Delphine. I’m a big girl already, a girl who is pretty late to her lecture.”

Delphine smiled back, “I know, Cosima. I’m sorry, but I try to do what is best for you—”

“Oh sweet lord, could you just stop, Del, you love her like a puppy! Kiss her already, you dumbass!”

“Danielle!?”

Danielle was wearing a walking brace now, which meant she was recovering really well.

“You’re too slow; let me kiss your girl.” Danielle hugged Cosima and left a kiss on each of her cheeks.

“It’s good to see you, and this moron here is going to the lecture as well. She has been invited as a speaker, and now you two are going to be really late. Come on, dorks!”

 

Danielle went to sit with Cosima in the back of the auditorium, while the Professor presented Delphine to the audience.

“I’m so happy to see you, Cosima,“ Danielle whispered.

“I’m glad to see you and Delphine have fixed your issues,” Cosima replied while she took out her notebook for the class.

“Yes, I missed her so much. I came here last month and I ended up working for Dyad, figures. However, I will have to leave soon for Frankfurt, where I’m needed the most.”

“Whoa, that’s hella rad, Danielle. Cool.” Cosima gave her a lopsided smile.

“That idiot loves you, don’t doubt that for a second. She tried to reach you but you were already gone. Delphine was so damn sad. You two give me headaches.”

Cosima sighed, “I wish I could trust her completely, you know? That she won’t pull shit like this again; I guess I’m afraid to give her my heart like I did years ago. That hurt like a bitch.”

“Yes, you tell me. I feel you; however, you need to stop running away from each other and get your shit together, Cosima.” Danielle was being serious. “Do you love her?”

“I do,” Cosima replied, no hesitation or leaving space for doubt.

“Then don’t let her go, understand that she will always put you first. Del will do shady things because she loves you, that’s who she is. I mean, look at her, she is your puppy.” Danielle smiled.

“Yeah, she is.” Cosima grinned.

 

Dr. Cormier introduced the topic to the audience, and she started her presentation. Cosima understood how much work Delphine had to put in to make this project a success for Jennifer. She was in awe. She respected her so much now, she hadn’t been just a magnificent teacher and mentor, she was an incredible scientist, too.

“She is good, huh?” Danielle asked Cosima.

“Dude, she has always had a thing for capturing the audience’s attention. I remember when she taught me in high school. She was like a goddess in the middle of the classroom speaking words of wisdom.” Cosima couldn’t help but smile at the memory; she fell in love with Delphine Cormier since she first laid eyes on her, it was love at first sight. There was no other explanation for these feelings she had for the blonde.

“I guess so. Del has always been really attractive; I had to kick the asses of several douchebags to keep her safe back in the day,” Danielle commented with a glint in her eyes.

Those were the things that she was always going to envy Danielle for, she was always going to have these intimate stories between her and Delphine, stories that she wasn’t part of. Nonetheless, she could write her own story with her today. To start a new adventure together.

“I won’t lose her, Danielle; I promise that I will take good care of her on your behalf.” Cosima was sure what she had to do now. No more running away and hurting each other, it was time to solve this once and for all. Life was giving her a chance today.

 

The thunderous applause made Delphine blush. Cosima’s stomach made a tiny flip, she was filled with pride; this woman she loved had delivered one of the best seminars in her career.

After class was dismissed, Cosima approached Delphine. “So, Dr. Cormier, half the classroom was hella distracted by your looks and the other half was hiding their boners.” Cosima smiled in that cheeky way of hers, the one that disarmed men and women all the time.

“And in which half were you?” Delphine gathered all her documents and put them inside her handbag while she waited for Cosima’s answer.

“Well, I did take notes, Doctor, but it was hella hard.” Cosima smiled, her tongue poking through her teeth.

“Liar; she was hiding her huge lady boner, it was so damn evident.” Danielle arrived, cackling evilly.

Delphine laughed. “No need to know that, Dani, but thanks for the info.”

“Yeah, I love you, too. And I have to go back to the office; big boss lady is awaiting my report before I depart to Frankfurt.” Danielle hugged Cosima and whispered in her ear, “I leave her in your hands.” Cosima nodded in response. Danielle then said her farewell to Delphine.

“I’ll be logged in all day, so don’t hesitate to send me a message, d’accord?” Delphine kissed Danielle’s cheeks and hugged her once more.

“Take care, Goldilocks.” Danielle waved goodbye and walked away to do her business.

 

“So, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” Cosima blurted out.

“Ehm, I um, yes, I would love to.” Delphine’s cheeks turned pink; her doe eyes had this beautiful glint that made Cosima’s heart sing.

“Cool, um, this is my address.” Cosima took Delphine’s hand and wrote it on her skin. “See you tonight, 8pm.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

 

 

 

Cosima was making her best effort to put her place in order. It was so messy and everything was on the floor; however, she did try to make it look decent. She was cooking her hamburger recipe and praying to the cooking gods that she didn’t fuck up this time around. She needed to make a big impression. She let the meat marinate for several hours before, and she just had to put it in the small grill. Cosima turned on her electric grill and started to cook the meat. Then, she headed quickly to the small table and put the dishes in order. It was incredible how nervous she felt, just like her first date with Delphine. She was excited and anxious and horny as hell.

Cosima sniffed the air and ran back to the kitchen. “Come on, this has to be good.” She flipped the patties and started to cut the vegetables while the meat cooked. She was so focused on her task that she didn’t realized that she was going to be late, again.

“Shit!” and just in time, right at 8:03pm, Delphine was knocking on her door. Cosima took out the meat from the grill and put it on the plates, along with the vegetables she had ready.

“Coming! One second!”

Cosima left everything on the table and went to wash her hands. She checked herself in the mirror and then she went to open the door.

“Hey, please come in.” Cosima invited Delphine inside her small apartment.

“Merci. I brought wine and truffles.” Delphine left them on the table and removed her jacket to put it on the hanger.

“Thanks, that’s perfect.”

Cosima quickly finished arranging the table with Delphine’s contributions.  “Please sit down.”

Delphine took a quick glimpse at her place while she went to seat. “It’s a very nice apartment.” Delphine smiled shyly.

“Um, yeah, thanks. Ehm, allow me to open the wine.” Cosima went quickly to the kitchen, and in a second she had opened the bottle and poured the wine in two glasses.

“I hope you like this. Family recipe.” Cosima grinned. “You can tell me honestly if you dig it, or whatever. I can take it.”

Delphine grabbed her burger and took a bite; Cosima was staring like a fool, holding her breath expectantly. Delphine took her time chewing, then, she drank some wine and licked her lips.

“This is really good, Cosima. Congratulations.”

“Glad you liked it, it’s like the only real food I can make.” Cosima scratched her head, the nervousness easing.

 

Delphine took another bite and Cosima finally relaxed enough to join her. The two women chatted casually, keeping the conversation light. Cosima threw in some science jokes and Delphine laughed heartily. After they both finished the main course, the two moved to the couch to eat truffles and finished the bottle of wine.

“Thank you for inviting me. It’s been so long since I had so much fun in one night,” Delphine confessed. She pulled a wild strand of hair behind her ear and Cosima almost fainted at how sexy that was.

“No prob, anytime,” Cosima said casually, trying to keep it cool, but she was barely hanging onto her sanity not to reach for Delphine. Her hands itched to entangle in those golden curls, her desire to taste those lips made her throat dry.

“I’m sorry for leaving you in San Francisco; I keep hurting you no matter what I do.” Delphine hid her face and looked at the floor, avoiding Cosima’s gaze.

“You are the only one who can hurt me like this. No one else has that power, Delphine. Only you can destroy my sanity.” Cosima took Delphine’s hand into hers and she laced their fingers, playing with the French woman’s hand.

“Je t’aime, Cosima; the last thing I want to do is keep hurting you. We both have made mistakes, terrible mistakes, but know that the one thing I won’t ever regret is loving you,” Delphine declared; eyes fixed on Cosima.

“Yeah, we both messed up badly. We hurt others, too; however, I think we have suffered enough.” Cosima smiled kindly.

“Tell me, what do you want me to do? Do you still want me? It’s your decision.” Delphine meant it, if Cosima said she wanted nothing to do with her, she was going to grab her things and disappear.

“You silly puppy, I didn’t sign a deal with the devil to let you go. I will fight for us, against anyone. I choose you, Delphine, only you.”

“Rachel is going to be a constant in our life, if you’re going to work with us, you know?” Delphine pointed out.

Cosima chuckled. “Yeah, but I really hope I don’t have to deal with Satan Duncan more than necessary. We better keep our future unborn child as far away from Posh Spice, or I swear—”

“Our child?” Delphine raised her eyebrows in surprise, but also marveled at the thought.

“Sorry. I’m jumping to early conclusions, though; you’re my thorn, Delphine Cormier, mine and no one else’s. What I’m trying to say is, I’m here to stay with you; to build a life together and make a family of our own, to grow old together. I love you, always have, and always will.” Cosima pulled Delphine to her softly, and the blonde closed the gap between their mouths, letting go of the petals that stained their relationship, but remembering the pain in order to rebuild a new path; this was a kiss to close a deal.

A soft kiss that carried a promise.

A commitment.

A future.

And a budding love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROLL CREDITS
> 
> [Wannabe plays in the background]
> 
> Story and writing - Tana  
> Editor - Sam
> 
> T H E E N D???  
> Expect a new thing next Friday (Tumblr exclusive)


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